I found husband looking at internet porn

I would be upset, there is no doubt about that. Is it really a case of just being a man. Some posters expect their menfolk to be looking at porn on regular basis but it disgusts me. It so degrading for the women who pose for it. It gives men the idea that a woman is only really having good time when she is involved in the sexual act and I'm afraid they are kidding themselves.
Most rapists still believe the women were 'asking for it'
pinkhater I hope you can find a way out of this as life with HIM can't be much fun at the moment.

It's odd that porn in magazines is sort of OK but porn on-line is considered outrageous. I would be amazed if my DH looked at porn and am not sure how I'd react. But I think I'd probably laugh and buy him a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

But if you're upset Pinkhater, then the sooner you tell your DH how you feel the better. Get it out in the open, as it were.

Dare I put a man's (well mine ) view on this. I think most men look at internet porn as the replacement for top shelf men's mags. My wife has bought me the odd mag when she thought I needed perking up. I don't think many consider it as a replacement for their wife's affections, rather, simply a titillation. And as we get older perhaps an aid memoir. It certainly never crosses my mind that it degrades women, or the men for that matter.

The bottom line is, provided it does not affect your relationship, don't worry about it too much, men will be men.

If someone had told me in my youth that one day I would disapprove of porn, I would have laughed. But I can now completely understand your feelings pinkhater. I think that in any marriage, more so a long marriage, a wife likes to think that she is appreciated, loved and admired. A husband secretly looking at nubile young women in the throes of the sex act could imply that he feels something lacking in his life. You fear that that 'something' could be you. It also degrades and devalues the loving sexual relationship you have shared. You feel betrayed. Call me a prude too but I understand that. Men dismiss porn as just a harmless recreational thing, of no importance - so why do they watch it secretly? Because they feel guilty thats why.
Yes, withdraw any wifely services for a while - if he asks why, tell him to get them off the internet. At least you'll feel revenged rather than resentful.

Pompa Aid memoir !!! such a good discription even though mr.g would never bother to look at internet(he can't even turn it on) or read mags (he's too tight to pay for them)I wouldn't object too much at least I would know he has some interest in something rather than football !!!

Dear Grannies all.
On behalf of any Grand-dads who are not here, I should like to put a male point of view.
My dear Missus and I have been married for 57yrs. We have a good ,stable relationship, and I love her to bits!
Unfortunately ,we have different "requirements" when it comes to sex!
She is not bothered, and i am a lot bothered and frustrated!
I got my 'puter several years ago, and spend a fair bit of time with it. I have Parkinson's too!

The point is, I need satisfaction-no way would I find a woman as I love my Missus too much.
So, porn helps me satisfy my needs. It is not liked by O/H but just about tolerated!
Most men are interested in porn, males being the "Hunters"! It does not necessarily remove affection for their nearest and dearest - but come on Ladies - Show us some respect for what is a natural man's appetite!!
With respect to you all!

Gramps.

gramps Respect! Well said.

By the way, I'm now 80, and many folks are amazed as they think I'm a lot younger. I've had several spells in Hospital over the years. My motto is, Think young, and stay young!!

Thanks soop!

gramps Girls and boys are designed to be different. 'Tis a fact of life. You're obviously happy with the way you are. Keep loving your missus. She's a treasure. I doubt very much that you'll go out with a whimper...more like a bang!

The male point of view is really fascinating. I must ask DH about it over our (hot) lunch (see weather thread). Will report back later.

gramps well said.

The male point of view is all very well, but what about the degradation and exploitation of the women who supply the titillation?

But if they don't feel degraded or exploited.....?

I'm with you there, Annobel. Some may say that the women chose to pose for the photographs, but I doubt if they'd have made the choice without payment being made. So...the girl needed the money and, eventually a man paid to see her in whatever activity he preferred to look at.....

I'm inagreement re. the woman needing the money. I would not like to think hers was a case of necessity, however,there are plenty around who seem to achieve obvious pleasure from it!

Well, of course they'd want to be paid! It's a job, after all. And presumably one that they chose to do.

Why 'obvious pleasure', gramps?

They HAVE to show pleasure - doesn't it occur to you that they are acting?

Gramps, I applaud you for being so frank. You are quite right some couples do have vastly different sexual needs and if DIY solves the problem that must be better than looking elsewhere. It seems to me that some women think that pornography is a replacement for their love and affection, men do not see it that way, it is totally different, just a physical requirement.

When we talk about pornography, there are many levels of it, from the downright perverse and unpleasant (and illegal ) to that which is equivalent to the top shelf mags. I personally see no problem with the legal sites, I'm sure the participants, men and women are paid for their efforts and do so of their own free will.

We seem to be assuming that these sites are run by men, why, I'm sure that their are women running some of them.

I agree with you in that respect, pompa. (Of course, I don't know how men 'see it', no more than men would know how women 'see it').

Men being frustrated by their wives/partners lack of interest in sex is often discussed. But I wonder how many women are just as frustrated by their partners lack of enthusiasm. It is just not discussed - and it seems women in that situation are not provided with porn made for them- and do not have prostitution as an 'accepted' solution. A man using porn or even prostitutes due to the lack of interest by his wife/partner seems totally acceptable to most nowadays - but NOT for a woman, who would be called everything under the son imho.

anagram many of the women do not have a choice & that is my problem with it. Many women in the sex industry are tricked / forced into a situation where they cannot refuse to participate. I would hate for my daughters to be porn models /'actors' & do not wish it on others. It will be men making the big profits from it not women. Also understand it can be like drug taking, think you are ok with a bit of 'harmless' stuff but before long you are doing more than you ever intended.

Granjura, there certainly are porn sites aimed at women, having never looked at them, I have no idea what they offer. No where in this thread has anyone condoned prostitution as an option, I certainly would not, just as I would never condone an affair, I would think that any partnership that has followed that course has broken down.

And be under no illusion that women do not run and profit from porn sites :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2063034/Teacher-35-barred-class-running-porn-site-mysluttyteacher-com-school-computer.html

Good point, nanaej. I wonder how a man would react if he suddenly realised that the actress/model pretending to enjoy her activities on screen was his daughter or even his granddaughter.