Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

Flowerofthewest I am so sorry for you. If only our collective good wishes could resolve matters for you and all grandparents denied contact with the children that they love. You DESERVE better than this awful state of affairs.

My little estranged GS birthday today. He will be ten I haven't seen him since he was 5

In the fields thank you for that helpful post.

My daughter blames my personality the fact we rowed and my past history of depression which can I say never affected my ability to be IMO good mum to her and her brother. She also said I was violent and aggressive which hurt be more than I can say.

I have ex sis in law who was violent ie smashed chair through for stuff yet her sons love and support her .

Gues ps I was unlucky but one day she may think of all I did for her for 28 years including emotional financial support for 4years uni visiting fertility specialist paying for cancer speculation and going with her for scan etc etc also money to get her home the list is endless buying wedding dress but it seems it meant nothing.

(whoops) to you all

Hello everyone.

Can I say at the absolute outset, that each of you has my sympathies. I have a young grandson who is the light of my life, and cannot imagine the loss you must feel.

So why I am contributing here? Well, because I read Yogagirl's post I wonder how daughters, years down the line feel, about shutting out their mothers for no reason and if they really regret what they've done and felt it deserved an answer. I am a daughter who walked away.

My answer would be that subsequent feelings, and remorse or lack of it, would depend entirely on the reason for walking away. Those who base the decision on petty annoyances, the influence of partners,drugs, alcohol etc will undoubtedly feel a considerable degree of guilt. Sometimes it may even be those feelings of guilt which prevent a re-connection.

For others, like myself, the story is different. I do not imagine anyone here would fit my mothers profile, so please do not take this as a comment on your own situations .....but I walked because my parenting was toxic and emotionally abusive, and I accepted it throughout my life until the same attitudes were turned on my own daughters. At which point I closed the door, walked away and never looked back. No guilt. No remorse. Not at any point then, or in the decade or more until she and my stepfather died. And no, I did not attends the funeral.

I have read the posts here, and see not one which indicates the type of circumstance which causes such an extreme response. So, I believe that your alienated children will feel remorse at some point. Hold the door open, and try to avoid recrimination however much it may be due.,,,,because guilt may be the one barrier left to defeat.

[flowers to you all]

Hello everyone, any heart-warming stories to tell??
I wonder how daughters, years down the line feel, about shutting out their mothers for no reason and if they really regret what they've done.

My little Laila had her 3rd Birthday last Wednesday, I sent a card, which no-doubt went in the bin, but I'm hoping my daughter opened it first and read what I'd put, as it was to pull on her heart strings, about Laila's birth being one of the most wonderful moments of my life.....
They had a big party on Friday, all invited, apart from me and my other daughter of course, we had a little dance together in the kitchen and ate pancakes with honey and ginger marmalade, our own little party

I feel I have lost hope of ever seeing my precious daughter again, no bad word had ever been said between us. I have got another court hearing though, on the 11th June, and it statesfor them) 'you must attend the court hearing'.....'YOU MUST OBEY......IF YOU DO NOT, YOU WILL BE GUILTY OF CONTEMPT OF COURT AND YOU MAY BE SENT TO PRISON'
Scary stuff, so I hope they do turn up this time and maybe I'll get a date to see my precious grandchildren

Thank you maniac I've pm back

Thank you Celebgran
My mouth dropped open when the Judge mentioned jail,I must say, but perhaps she was looking ahead, I don't know. I just can't shake this sadness now and can't concentrate on anything else, but I must, for my work.
God, when is this going to end!

Yoga girl I don't think he would get jailed doubt old come to that.

So hard for you there re no easy answers just like us. Stay strong they will no doubt get summons to attend court which they will have to do.

I hope and pray one day both our daughters see sense.

Lots hugs

Just got a phone call from my sister saying she has been invited to my gd Laila's birthday party, which just makes me feel really sad, as I'm sure its just to do exactly that; 'make me sad'

Thank you Faye

I was just thinking about the bit about the jail; if he (s.i.l) was put in jail for a few weeks, the 'fog' could lift from my daughters brain and I may be able to talk some sense into her and get her and my gc back, on the other hand if the fog didn't lift, it would be the 'nail in the coffin'.
Please let me know your thoughts on this everyone.

Hello Celebgran

Yes, so sad! I've been feeling very sad this last couple of days and its become more intense, as before Thursday I had the court to focus on, and now that's gone.
It makes it all the more painful when my son and my previous f.i.l seem to believe my s.i.l lies,(I don't even know what they are) I've never fallen out with my son before this and my previous f.i.l I've been friendly with for 36yrs, we had Xmas dinner together this year, as we quite often do, we always go to each others special functions along with the rest of my previous in-laws, even though I've been divorced from his son for the last 20yrs! They even all came to my second wedding!(I'm divorced again, and don't see anyone from that marriage)
Has anyone else got this problem? There's been just silence from my f.i.l, when normally we speak on the phone/e-mail regularly, I e-mailed him on Weds saying the court case is tomorrow, but no reply to-date, which is not normal and same with my son, so my s.i.l must have told them some lies for me to get this reaction.

Oh yoga girl that is so sad but keep strong you got this far! We found box stuff in loft cards etc from and to my daughter so very unbelievable what has happened.

Better luck with next date and lots hugs and well done for getting this far x x

Yogagirl

Re; Court Case

No, I'm not sitting on the floor playing with my grandchildren today, which was my dream!
They didn't show up for the hearing, so although I did see and speak with the Judge, she said we couldn't go ahead without the parents present.
A new date will be set and a bailiff will serve the petition to my daughter and s.i.l, if they don't show for the next hearing, I was told by the judge, that they could face prison! so at that point I would have to back down, as I couldn't let it get that far.
Sorry everyone, I was thinking I would be bringing you news of hope for you all. My other daughter, who came with me, kept telling me not to be too optimistic, but I thought even if they didn't turn up the case would go ahead and I'd get an answer one way or the other and having worked for about 4months on my statements of why I am important in my grandchildren's lives, I really thought I had a good chance of success.
I'm feeling very sad today now, I thought it was going to be all over and I could start to get my life back a bit more. I worked yesterday evening, which was very hard after the court case, I had a lump in my throat and found it hard not cry at times.
Its my little Laila's 3rd Birthday in 2weeks, and little Jack's 2nd Birthday the week after that. Even though I knew I wouldn't be there for the day, I thought I would be seeing them during the week of their Birthdays, so could have a little cake and give them their presents and cards, but that wont be happening now
So what do I do, get their presents and cards and pile them up on top of their Xmas gifts? I wanted to get Laila a lovely dolly.

Great message Maniac. I and my son only had to endure separation fom my grandson for a few interrupted months, but that experience took the floor from underneath me and I will never forget those awful yearning feelings of distress and loss. It took a long time to recover, and affected us badly. My heart goes out to anyone who is unable to get contact with their grandchildren through no fault of their own.

A message for all Grans and parents suffering from separation
karenwoodall.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/parental-alienation-awareness-day-make-this-a-happy-day/

Yoga girl b thinking of you such brave lady how I wish it was me!

Anxious to hear how it goes ill pray for you.

I caved in and wrote t my daughter again been 6 months since wrote though sen her birthday card she ill have got it tidy.

Goose so sorry your eldest difficult but s start and chink of light that they all came.

Do hope the other 2 email you but be patient and keep strong.

Hello everyone
Thank you so much for your kind words Manicfancy that about the 25th being 'P.A.A.D' I'll take that as a good omen!

I was getting really worried yesterday as to whether I was doing the right thing, until a couple of my friends assured me that I was, and unbelievable, one of them had had the same thing done to her by her d.i.l, lasting 6mnths, I hadn't told her at the beginning of all this, so was amazed when she told me her story.

Dear Suebeck I'm so sorry to hear about what's happened, but you can't blame yourself for being angry, you have been through such a lot! Its not a normal situation, so things don't work out as they would normally. Unfortunately we will all have to tread on egg shells for a long time after a reconciliation, if we are lucky enough to get one in the first place, so don't be down, its not the end, I would have thought your daughter would understand how you were feeling.

So sorry to hear about your dear dog Goose. Sounds quite promising though, as your daughters did all turn up, so hopefully the beginnings of things to come.

Well, tomorrows my big day, I'm hoping they will turn up, as I've written my opening and closing statements especially to pull at my daughter's heart strings really, but more so to convince the Judge that I should be in my grandchildren's lives.

Pray for me

That is sad Goose , especially after loosing darling mystery .

((hugs)) suebeck and all the other cruelly deprived mums/grans/nans on this thread. For me one of the biggest helps is knowing that I'm not the Big Bad Person I'm portrayed to be by my own children. Knowing there are others similarly suffering this heartbreaking behaviour towards us is a selfish comfort that I wouldn't wish on anyone

All is not sweetness and light. Two out of three daughters want to tentatively start meeting up with me again but my eldest daughter, although she came for Mystery to be scattered, was very distant towards me the whole time and her parting words were that it was 'too early to think about her meeting up with me again to talk'. The other two said they'd contact me asap by email , which they haven't done and I fear they've been influenced by their older sister. I feel like I'm back to square one again. So near, yet so far away

Yogagirl you are much in my thoughts as you prepare for the family court tomorrow.I hope that you have a good night's sleep and that things go well for you.I will be sending you love and positive thoughts.

April 25th is 'Parental Alienation Awareness Day' so many people around the world will also be on your side.

Goose have pm`ed you!!

Suebeck have emailed you please dont despair Whenim is absolutely right try not to get too down.

I am sure your daughter must realise how devastaed you would be to hear that!
and big hugs will pm you also.

Suebeck I've just read your post. Don't despair. My son and I were told my grandson didn't want to see us several times a year or so ago - it was utter rubbish, probably said because we had been fed lies and ex-DIL realised she would be rumbled - not that we would have quizzed him, but she doesn't think in those terms. I hope things can be repaired soon - everybody is allowed a bit of a wobble when they receive upsetting news

Good luck Goose . Our dog, Jake, a long- haired german shepherd was also known as Nana because he would park himself full-length by the sofa if any of the children were lying there feeling off-colour, and he was first to the bathroom to help with bathtime.

I hope everything goes smoothly family-wise. You have enough to contend with - let it be a kind day for you x