Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

Suebeck so pleased for you and you do talk such sense!!

it is the only way to be, think I try and load the guild on to my daughter and really privately I think she should be thoroughly ashamed of what she has done to us, but it really does not good,
best to try and let it all go and we have found our holiday in India has re charged us mentally so we feeling much stronger.

hope the good positive stuff carries on for you xx

sueback A big armful of . This thread has brought together many loving grans who are sharing a common heartache. I feel so sad for you all. If only there was an easy answer to your problems. All that I can add is...keep thinking positive thoughts, keep lines of communication open, and providing your love is unconditional, there will come a day when everything changes for the better.

Thank you janeainsworth for your kind words -and for 'bluing'the link.I don't know how to do that
Thankyou suebeck for your words of wisdom and compassion.
I try to think and act in that way.
SO glad that you have had contact with your daughter after so long.

I watched the short film, Maniac and felt so sad for those lovely grans who are supporting each other. I just can't fathom the thinking of anyone who can deny their children the warmth and protection of a relationship with their loving grandparents. It's no skin off their nose, to have loving family who are only interested in the happiness and wellbeing of the children. Such a lot of children will be resentful about having their grandparents kept away for no good reason, when they start to piece things together.

At least I now understand how it feels, even though I'm back on track again with my family. Big hug to all still estranged.

my computer says our broadband speed not up to watching iplayer! normally ok saw some of it very sad.

I've just watched it. What brave people, and what an example of supportive community action the convenor of the group is to everyone. It's only those who have been there who can really know the pain and heartache.

Thanks to Gransnet for keeping me sane in the last 2 years.
Sent a letter to my MP on Sat.updating him on my situation and asking him to be in the house for 2nd reading of Family Justice Bill on the 26th
Surprised to get a reply from his secretary on Sat 6p.m.-sympathetic and supportive.They obviously work long hours.

Whenim you are so right, it is such a waste all round, in our case not only for us the heartache that goes on without ceasing, there is the fact that 2 little girls are missing out on loving grand parents who would care for them so much and love to do so.

Is a no win situation all round.

Thankyou MiceElf
The ‘convenor’ you mentioned is indeed an inspiration and support.She often reminds us that our group is primarily about 'Grand Children's rights' Interesting that when she started the -first 'Denied Contact' thread on Gransnet in August 2011 she was 'Reported’ and reprimanded for advertising!!!

celebran you're right.- apart from our heartbreak our Grandchildren are being deprived and missing out on all that we want to give them.

Have you reminded your MP of the Family Justice review 2nd reading on
Oct 26th?

sadly Maniac it is the grand parents that suffer and we do have some rights surely to see our own flesh and blood!

Some people have to try and remember not to get carried away with the cause, we all in same boat if we unlucky enough to not be seeing our grand children - it is a living bereavment, double in my case as my daughter too.

is heartening that it works out for some Grandparents.

2 I know well have achieved contact via the courts, accept that is last resort, and we are still reluctant to use it.

My dear OH has promised to try and speak to our daughter again before Xmas, but I do not hold out much hope will have to be when our s i law not there.

Very hard. Saw you I think on the programme Maniac was it bit where you said you were accused of trying to apprehend your grand son sorry cant think of right word!!

we will remind our mp we are still waiting for him to hear back from the Police about our harassment warnings, thanks for that reminder Maniac

Just to let all you caring grandparents know. Today there was a "thank you very much" card from my beautiful granddaughter. I just cant believe it and keep looking at it and reading it. This totally out of the blue. I have kept up the contact throughout, but recently sending texts ,that were really quite trivial to my beautiful daughter , to let her know that I am here and to let HIM know that too. Non threatening texts, just in case he is reading them.

Anyhow back to the most wonderful surprise, which I feel is a tremendous breakthrough with this situation. Love to you all and stay strong. sue
I believe that we must keep the door open always, and have faith. Hugs.

How absolutely brilliant sue! I'm delighted for you. Just a small step is all that's needed. I hope much more comes fom this for you.

How lovely sue

I haven't thoroughly read all of this thread but I just wanted to pass on some stuff I read on the Families Need Fathers website. Apparently for an annual joining fee of £39, anyone can access help with the problem of contact denial, grandparents included. As the website states, this represents a quarter of an hour's worth of solicitors fees, so has got to be worth trying. FNF have forums and helplines, legal advice, contact groups etc all included in the annual fee.

My son used FNF's (and Fathers4Justice) help last year, when ex-DIL denied him contact with his son. They gave him really good support and advice. He collected a thick file of evidence of her hostile attempts at parental alienation - the first page started with a threatening email - 'I will screw you into the ground and you'll never see your son again.' (I left the swear words out)

Their website has lots of helpful information, and pointed us in the direction of even more hints, advice and legal references. The family court judge took her to task in no uncertain way, and now we see my grandson every week. He and his dad were allowed to agree what amount of access they wanted to each other, showed it to ex-DIL, who had no choice but to agree, and the court endorsed it.

Local support groups and personal mentors are on offer, too - invaluable for dads being prevented from seeing their children for no good reason.

Sue that is marvellous so pleased for you, hope it happens to us one day!! 4 years is long time but we are trying keep positive and thanks to encouraging comments from other ladies think we will try again this xmas!!

celebgran I hope it happens to you some day too (((hugs)))

Sue that is wonderful news, I bet you can't stop smiling

Hugs to everyone else

thank you nanadog i WILL be so thrilled to post about it if it does!!

as a New member I hope you can help me, my story is not unusual, my son left his wife and two beautiful children 18 months ago, whilst on th surface I cope underneath I struggle to come to terms with it, he see his children 2 nights a week and every other weekend for 24 hours, but they are so little , 4 and 2, when I see my grandchildren with their Mum I struggle for days afterwards to not break down in tears. My daughter in law has gone from being very close to me to understandably, holding me at arms length,but we are allowed the grandchildren one afternoon a week,

I am sorry this is rambling but I met with them yesterday, I havent slept last night and this time have really hit a low, I know I am better off than other people but the guilt I feel is dragging me down. My son has a new partner but hw could he walk out on such young children and hoiw do I live with that.

Hi ruthiek. I can imagine the turmoil you're in right now. If you read this and previous 'Denied Contact' and 'Cut out of their lives' threads under the Relationships section, you'll see you're not alone, and there is plenty of support and friendship on here. You've got a good basis for a civilsed arrangent for contact with the children, and that's a big problem avoided. All credit to your DIL for ensuring they see their dad and you.

If the relationship was not working, and he felt he had to leave, I wouldn't see that as walking out on his children. Is he happier now with his new partner, and able to see his children fairly often? It is he who has to live with his decision, and you will come to terms with this change in time.

The important ones here are the children. If they are being loved, supported and provided for, and you can be positive and cheerful when you are with them, they will cope with the change. Hopefully, seeing them coping will reassure you that you can live with it, if they can?

thank you so much for your reply, on reading some of the threads, my problem is so trivial compared to some of the heartbreaking stories that are on this page.

My son is happy with his new partner and her teenage children and you are right he has to live with the decision he made, I just wonder if I and his dad had brought him up wrongly in someway, that he didnt have the fortitude to stay and look after his children.I do think the two hours in the week and 24 once a fortnight is not enough for them or him.

ruthiek first of all a big (((hug))). You must be a good person and grandparent for your DiL to keep up contact and let you have your lovely grandchildren one afternoon a week. I think you will be able to re-build your bond with her.
Are you able to talk to her about how you feel? I'm sure she would feel supported if you tell her what you have just told us. In the meantime enjoy the time you have within the little ones.