Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

peanuts virtual hugs and we have had 4 years of hell denied from seeing our only grand daughter and now 2nd one never seen. all stemmed from how I spoke to our daughter at her Gran dad funeral apparently, but I have never been told!! just saw nasty texts from her sis in law and b friend. I would give the world to sort it out, we have tried so much only wrote again last week. Seems her husband our s i law is the ring leader and he has gone to police we have h arassment warning!! so that is absolute hell. the police are very kind and on our side but they cannot force out daughter to talk to us.

If I can be any support please p message me my heart goes out to you. it seems we are not alone and young people or rather some of them can be so cruel to their parents.
we put our daughter through uni for 4 years, i bought her wedding dress and drove over each week to cooke for her etc when our little grand daughter was babe, we not seen her since she was 9 months she is now 4.
worst of all she makes me feel like an awful misfit as she blames my depression I have suffered from at times in my life thank god been well for 10 years plus now, god knows how, with all she has done to me, she cites this as reason for not wanting us to see our grand kids!!
sorry just wanted to make you know you are not alone!!

peanuts I'm so sorry. I know there are lots of GNetters in this situation, banned from seeing their GC for no logical reason. Some of them do resolve the situation so there is hope.
All I can do is offer a listening ear and a big virtual (((( hug)))

Daily telegraph article on Parental Alienation on 24th Nov.
Divorcing-parents-turn-to-brainwashing-children-in-custody-battles.html

Not often acknowledged in UK courts but many of us know only too well that it happens.
I hope this is a chink of light.

Oh Peanuts, what an awful situation. How that must hurt. I just can't imagine how your daughter could do that to you. There are obviously other influences on her but I would find her behaviour totally unacceptable.

Your granddaughter is of an age when she will soon start making her own decisions and if you two had a close relationship then I'm sure she will be very confused and angry at the way her Mother is treating you. I hope in time she will contact you herself. Maybe it would be feasible for you to contact her, email, text etc. or is that forbidden?

I know weddings are 'pressure cooker' situations where small things can escalate out of all proportion but this really is ridiculous. The invitations, you asking for a photo you didn't like of yourself and your daughter tells you you cease to exist in her eyes?? Is it possible that hurt and anger about her parent's divorce, which maybe wasn't addressed at the time, is at the root of her behaviour?

To say I sympathise is an understatement. I hope that someone on here can give you good advice. It is tragic that this can happen and I do hope very much you can find a way to resolve things. Big hug to you

Have just scanned through the posts on this forum and am so relieved that I am not the only grandmother who has been denied access to her grandchildren. I'd so like to offer words of wisdom and consolation to others but right now I am hurting so much that I can't find anything to say to anyone because I can't think of anything that would make me feel better. My daughter got married this year, which was lovely, but the plans for the wedding did not go as smoothly as they should have, partly because I am divorced from her dad and he set a very strict budget for the wedding on his part whereas I (with my husband) was happy to pay for whatever she wanted (within reason). She and I had a falling out over the invitations which escalated into a huge row and resulted in her now husband refusing to sit next to me at the wedding so I was shoved to the end of the head table. When the photos were released on-line, I asked the photographer to remove one of me on my own in which I looked rather awful and this resulted in my daughter leaving me a voice message to say that as far as she is concerned, I don't exist and I am never to contact her or my grandchildren ever again. That was at the beginning of August and although I have tried to contact her, she won't respond. My granddaughter, with whom I had always had a very close relationship, started senior school this year and my new little grandson is just coming up for 10 months old. The only news I have of them is through my son and he doesn't see them that often. I am sure that I was probably the worst sort of over-bearing mother in respect of the wedding, but I only wanted my daughter to have the best I could give her and we've always disagreed about how things should be done. It just seems so strange, and wrong, that she has cut me out of her life and has cut me out of her children's life. What can I do? Can anyone help me here? I have tried writing, texting, phoning but to no avail. She's very close now with her dad and his new wife and I can't help but feel angry that I am missing out on my grandson's first year and my granddaughter's first year in senior school while they are now flavour of the month. I should add at this point that less than 12 months ago, my daughter wanted very little to do with them and up until a couple of years ago, her father would have nothing to do with her. Sorry I have banged on but I don't know how else to try to explain the situation. Why have I been shut out of my grand children's life when all I have ever done is looked after and supported my daughter (emotionally and financially)?

ruthiek first of all a big (((hug))). You must be a good person and grandparent for your DiL to keep up contact and let you have your lovely grandchildren one afternoon a week. I think you will be able to re-build your bond with her.
Are you able to talk to her about how you feel? I'm sure she would feel supported if you tell her what you have just told us. In the meantime enjoy the time you have within the little ones.

thank you so much for your reply, on reading some of the threads, my problem is so trivial compared to some of the heartbreaking stories that are on this page.

My son is happy with his new partner and her teenage children and you are right he has to live with the decision he made, I just wonder if I and his dad had brought him up wrongly in someway, that he didnt have the fortitude to stay and look after his children.I do think the two hours in the week and 24 once a fortnight is not enough for them or him.

Hi ruthiek. I can imagine the turmoil you're in right now. If you read this and previous 'Denied Contact' and 'Cut out of their lives' threads under the Relationships section, you'll see you're not alone, and there is plenty of support and friendship on here. You've got a good basis for a civilsed arrangent for contact with the children, and that's a big problem avoided. All credit to your DIL for ensuring they see their dad and you.

If the relationship was not working, and he felt he had to leave, I wouldn't see that as walking out on his children. Is he happier now with his new partner, and able to see his children fairly often? It is he who has to live with his decision, and you will come to terms with this change in time.

The important ones here are the children. If they are being loved, supported and provided for, and you can be positive and cheerful when you are with them, they will cope with the change. Hopefully, seeing them coping will reassure you that you can live with it, if they can?

as a New member I hope you can help me, my story is not unusual, my son left his wife and two beautiful children 18 months ago, whilst on th surface I cope underneath I struggle to come to terms with it, he see his children 2 nights a week and every other weekend for 24 hours, but they are so little , 4 and 2, when I see my grandchildren with their Mum I struggle for days afterwards to not break down in tears. My daughter in law has gone from being very close to me to understandably, holding me at arms length,but we are allowed the grandchildren one afternoon a week,

I am sorry this is rambling but I met with them yesterday, I havent slept last night and this time have really hit a low, I know I am better off than other people but the guilt I feel is dragging me down. My son has a new partner but hw could he walk out on such young children and hoiw do I live with that.

thank you nanadog i WILL be so thrilled to post about it if it does!!

Sue that is wonderful news, I bet you can't stop smiling

Hugs to everyone else

celebgran I hope it happens to you some day too (((hugs)))

Sue that is marvellous so pleased for you, hope it happens to us one day!! 4 years is long time but we are trying keep positive and thanks to encouraging comments from other ladies think we will try again this xmas!!

My son used FNF's (and Fathers4Justice) help last year, when ex-DIL denied him contact with his son. They gave him really good support and advice. He collected a thick file of evidence of her hostile attempts at parental alienation - the first page started with a threatening email - 'I will screw you into the ground and you'll never see your son again.' (I left the swear words out)

Their website has lots of helpful information, and pointed us in the direction of even more hints, advice and legal references. The family court judge took her to task in no uncertain way, and now we see my grandson every week. He and his dad were allowed to agree what amount of access they wanted to each other, showed it to ex-DIL, who had no choice but to agree, and the court endorsed it.

Local support groups and personal mentors are on offer, too - invaluable for dads being prevented from seeing their children for no good reason.

I haven't thoroughly read all of this thread but I just wanted to pass on some stuff I read on the Families Need Fathers website. Apparently for an annual joining fee of £39, anyone can access help with the problem of contact denial, grandparents included. As the website states, this represents a quarter of an hour's worth of solicitors fees, so has got to be worth trying. FNF have forums and helplines, legal advice, contact groups etc all included in the annual fee.

How lovely sue

How absolutely brilliant sue! I'm delighted for you. Just a small step is all that's needed. I hope much more comes fom this for you.

Just to let all you caring grandparents know. Today there was a "thank you very much" card from my beautiful granddaughter. I just cant believe it and keep looking at it and reading it. This totally out of the blue. I have kept up the contact throughout, but recently sending texts ,that were really quite trivial to my beautiful daughter , to let her know that I am here and to let HIM know that too. Non threatening texts, just in case he is reading them.

Anyhow back to the most wonderful surprise, which I feel is a tremendous breakthrough with this situation. Love to you all and stay strong. sue
I believe that we must keep the door open always, and have faith. Hugs.

we will remind our mp we are still waiting for him to hear back from the Police about our harassment warnings, thanks for that reminder Maniac

sadly Maniac it is the grand parents that suffer and we do have some rights surely to see our own flesh and blood!

Some people have to try and remember not to get carried away with the cause, we all in same boat if we unlucky enough to not be seeing our grand children - it is a living bereavment, double in my case as my daughter too.

is heartening that it works out for some Grandparents.

2 I know well have achieved contact via the courts, accept that is last resort, and we are still reluctant to use it.

My dear OH has promised to try and speak to our daughter again before Xmas, but I do not hold out much hope will have to be when our s i law not there.

Very hard. Saw you I think on the programme Maniac was it bit where you said you were accused of trying to apprehend your grand son sorry cant think of right word!!

Thankyou MiceElf
The ‘convenor’ you mentioned is indeed an inspiration and support.She often reminds us that our group is primarily about 'Grand Children's rights' Interesting that when she started the -first 'Denied Contact' thread on Gransnet in August 2011 she was 'Reported’ and reprimanded for advertising!!!

celebran you're right.- apart from our heartbreak our Grandchildren are being deprived and missing out on all that we want to give them.

Have you reminded your MP of the Family Justice review 2nd reading on
Oct 26th?

Whenim you are so right, it is such a waste all round, in our case not only for us the heartache that goes on without ceasing, there is the fact that 2 little girls are missing out on loving grand parents who would care for them so much and love to do so.

Is a no win situation all round.

Thanks to Gransnet for keeping me sane in the last 2 years.
Sent a letter to my MP on Sat.updating him on my situation and asking him to be in the house for 2nd reading of Family Justice Bill on the 26th
Surprised to get a reply from his secretary on Sat 6p.m.-sympathetic and supportive.They obviously work long hours.

I've just watched it. What brave people, and what an example of supportive community action the convenor of the group is to everyone. It's only those who have been there who can really know the pain and heartache.

my computer says our broadband speed not up to watching iplayer! normally ok saw some of it very sad.