Denied Contact with Grandchildren - August 2012 onwards....

At least I now understand how it feels, even though I'm back on track again with my family. Big hug to all still estranged.

I watched the short film, Maniac and felt so sad for those lovely grans who are supporting each other. I just can't fathom the thinking of anyone who can deny their children the warmth and protection of a relationship with their loving grandparents. It's no skin off their nose, to have loving family who are only interested in the happiness and wellbeing of the children. Such a lot of children will be resentful about having their grandparents kept away for no good reason, when they start to piece things together.

Thank you janeainsworth for your kind words -and for 'bluing'the link.I don't know how to do that
Thankyou suebeck for your words of wisdom and compassion.
I try to think and act in that way.
SO glad that you have had contact with your daughter after so long.

sueback A big armful of . This thread has brought together many loving grans who are sharing a common heartache. I feel so sad for you all. If only there was an easy answer to your problems. All that I can add is...keep thinking positive thoughts, keep lines of communication open, and providing your love is unconditional, there will come a day when everything changes for the better.

Suebeck so pleased for you and you do talk such sense!!

it is the only way to be, think I try and load the guild on to my daughter and really privately I think she should be thoroughly ashamed of what she has done to us, but it really does not good,
best to try and let it all go and we have found our holiday in India has re charged us mentally so we feeling much stronger.

hope the good positive stuff carries on for you xx

I've just watched your film Maniac and felt very moved.
I've blued it to make it a little easier to get to the link.
www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01ndhz4/Inside_Out_West_15_10_2012/
I am not in your situation and can only imagine the pain you are all going through, but wish you strength to carry on and that one day you will be re-united.

Much respect and huge congratulations suebeck. Having been through something on a lesser scale that was harrowing, I can imagine the sense of relief you are feeling. We are seeing successes for grandparents gathering momentum on here, and your good news will inspire others and spur them on. I'm delighted for you and your daughter

Hello to everyone on here who is going through this nightmare. I have some good news. My daughter has phoned me twice, and also sent me a text to wish me Happy Birthday and a Birthday Card and little presents. It is such a breakthrough after 3 years of heartbreak. During these 3 years I have found myself again. I had lost my identity I now realise. My role of daughter, mother, sibling, and finally grandmother had been wrenched from me. I have learnt a lot from this situation about myself. I have throughout though been kind to myself, something so important, and have some wonderful friends. I have kept the door open with my loving daughter at all times, something that is so important. We do not know what he/she are going through, behind closed doors. Whilst I firmly believe the my son in law is behind this alienation, that is not important to me. What is important is that my daughter knows, that no matter what I have been subjected to, I will not judge her and I am here for her. I have not put her under any pressure nor made her feel guilty, something I know that I did at the beginning of all of this. I have now let her go in my mind, and thoughts of them do not occupy my every waking moment, as before. This has helped. I feel that she is coming back to me albeit slowly. Hugs to you all. Stay strong be patient.

Welcome NorthernKitty
The second reading of Family Justice bill in parliament is scheduled for Oct 26th.
A consultation document on Shared Parenting by Dept of Education closed in Sep
so far no publication date.

Both these gave some hope of changes in grandchildrens rights of contact. I'm hopeful but not optimistic.

GN had 1000 postings on this thread up to Aug 2012.
Some grans have gained contact but many of us are still grieving in a living bereavement.

Hi there, I am new to this. I was wondering if anyone knew what the latest is regarding the law. I understood that something was happening regarding giving grandparents a legal right to see their grandchildren. Is this true? Thanks

in 'Inside Out West' programme at 7.30 p.m.last night.-a 10 min item about Grans denied contact.-from over two hrs of interviewing you can see a 1 min spot of me.You might also see me in the group shots.

a friend who saw it and is more adept with computer than me sent this info:-
You can see it on http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01ndhz4/Inside_Out_West_15_10_2012/ ; The whole programme may be of interest to the likes of us, as older people, but I skipped most of it to find the section on grandparents separated from their grandchildren. It starts at about 19 minutes into the half hour programme, and lasts for ten minutes.

I read in latest Saga mag. that Oct 1st is ‘UK Older People’s Day’.The chairman’s letter and an article suggest activities in which grans and GC can learn from each other!! –some good ideas but poignant and depressing for those of us denied contact. Many readers of 'Saga' must be grans yet I have never seen this issue addressed -No mention that over 1 million children in UK are denied contact with grandparents.
I emailed some time ago -got no response . I feel another letter coming on. Maybe other affected GNs could also could also contact SAGA on this subject.

Thanks for the advice and I hope things turn out well for everyone. We are still trying to sort things out, my son can see his son but only when she is there and he can't take him out without her. We are still banned from seeing our grandson. We hope this will change one day and in the meantime we have photos which my son takes. Good luck to you all!

Wiz this is like the situation my son was in. His abusive partner tried every dirty trick she could think of, and when the offer of mediation came up, he knew she would sabotage it, but he still went along. The important thing is to show willing, and he should attend for the preliminary meeting and be clear that he will engage in mediation, whether or not there is an unlikelihood that it will work. Ex-DIL didn't engage in the process, and continued to deny access, and my son gathered a thick file of evidence of her attempts at parental alienation. The judge took a very dim view, and my son was permitted to meet with his son, 11 at the time, and for them to define what access they wanted to each other, then at the next court hearing (which ex-DIL didn't show up for) the judge got ex-DIL on the phone and admonished her for her behaviour, and she was advised to agree the contact arrangements which the judge deemed appropriate.

Things are never going to be easy, but my son does see his son every week, sometimes several times. They come here for Sunday lunch and to see other family members, and in November he is taking my grandson to a convention (some geeky thing) in Disneyland, Paris for a few days, just the two of them. A year ago, we were in despair, worrying that we wouldn't see my grandson again, and we were denied contact with him over Christmas, but here we are now, back to some level of normality.

Keep to the rules, try everything you can think of, and record every single thing that is done to prevent access, then present it to whomever will listen. Organisations like Fathers4Justice and Families need Fathers are excellent, and they have worked alongside Cafcass to get some guidelines for access between parents and children accepted by family courts. Worth joining. Good luck!

Oh Wiz I know how you feel because we are in this same situation. My DS did have some contact but he was under strict instructions not to allow us near our DGD. (DGD was only 11 months old when DS was moved out.) All contact has now been stopped after his ex received her court papers! DS has his preliminary hearing next week and we're crossing everything that it goes OK. DS didn't go to mediation because it was obvious that it would be a waste of everyone's time....hopefully it will be different for your DS and some reasonable contact will be arranged. I do hope so. All the best.

how awful olderandwiser I can so feel for you given our sad situation, and sorry there is no break from the awful pain, but life does go on and we can still be happy and try to be positive, but it is so hard and sad.

Grannyactivist it is so great to hear some positive news!

how fantastic, can I ask how you managed to get some sort of break through was it out of the blue?

I just had my birthday and how I would have loved to have got picture of our little estranged grand daughters.

Miserable times, olderandwiser and wiz. I notice you did not get much response older - sometimes that happens if the thread slips down the list. How are you feeling now?

We have been denied access to our grandson after my son split from his abusive partner. My grandson is only 6 months old. My son is hoping to go to mediation. We are really hoping that if he gets permission to take his son out for the day we may be able to meet them. How can these women be so heartless? Do they not realise that they are denying their children access to half of their family?

How can he be so mean , because the children will suffer also .

I have recently been denied access to my Grandchildren after a row with my son. I cannot cope with the sadness and don't know what to do with myself. My friends tell me to keep busy, but i cannot focus on anything except the pain. How does one get through this?

Thank you, Faye - what would I do without my friends on Gransnet -you all keep me sane.

It looks like small but positive steps ga and crimson

crimsonand ga ((hugs))

Greatnan

How good it is to read of these break-throughs, however small.
I continue to hope that my three adult grandchildren will be convinced by their sister that their mother is delusional but I have accepted that I am unlikely ever to see my daughter again.