Divorce in retirement

It's a very lonely place being in an unhappy marriage. And a very miserable one.

Kitty - re your remark about a Thai girl-friend - I think some British men get a shock when they marry young women from poor countries. They think they are going to get somebody very grateful and submissive, but sometimes the wives turn out to be quite strong women, once they have got that ring on their finger. Good luck to them!

Jendurham be proud you had a long happy marriage, no one would begrudge you that. It must have been a difficult time for you losing your husband after all those years.

Jen HunterF xxxxx

My face used to light up,when I saw my husband coming home,even after many years of marriage.
I didnt know anyone,who was as happpy with their husband as I was (and he with me)
But as the pressures of work grew worse (and without enough sleep) he came home more and more often looking like thunder,and I knew what was likely to happen (his none existant short temper would blow)
Until slowly,sadly,my feellings turned from joy to despair and fear...
I'm so glad you are still happy though,its such a lovely feeling

I too, Lucid, have been married for 49 miserable years. I envy your mum who has come to a good end.

Hi petra My Dad left my Mum after 40 years of marriage,it was not for another women or anything like that, he was 67 and semi retired. he was seperated for 2 years and then my Mum passed.

He did say once that if she was still alive he would go back to her, but everyones curcumstances are different I think.

Best wishes x

It has now been just over a month since my husband announced he no longer loved me, so divorce is now underway. In my upset, I realised that it was the "being married" that I mourned, the man, not so much. I am still coming to terms with it. He got us in quite severe financial trouble a couple of years ago, which I have - quite rightfully, I think - have had a hard time forgiving him for. However, I thought we were finally getting past it.
As he has aged - coming up to 60 - he has developed what I call a bad case of "old man's disease. " By that I mean, shouty, grumpy, complaining, rigid. Always right. No compromise, no patience. So in that sense, I am we'll shot of him, though I am not very comfortable with my new status, as I felt a sense of accomplishment in staying married almost 25 years.
I am also fortunate that I like my own company, have lots of friends, hobbies, etc. At the moment, I am feeling sort of resigned to the change. I hope to feel a lot more positive once all the red tape, finances, etc are sorted out. There is supposed to be an increased trend in this. Quite a few friends from our earlier married days divorced, but usually when kids still at home. We seem to be an exception. My husband's father divorced in his late 50s so I think that could be an influence.

Tocatchafish, I am sure when everything is finalized you will feel fine. I can honestly say that my life alone since divorcing prior to retirement is great. Keep posting if things get you down, you will receive much comfort.

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ThicknThin Make sure you don't regret this. Have you thought of counselling or is it in ashes already?

'Paid girls' are really no substitute for a good relationship, any more than ice cream is sustainable nutrition.

Travelling alone can lead to some interesting meetings and encounters, if you are genuine about it, and not just out for what you can get.

Retirement is the time to reap the benefits of hard work, so I hope you enjoy yours.

I got divorced after taking early retirement after being diagnosed with an auto immune condition, that caused 3 strokes and restricted my mobility due to disintegrating joints. I went from being very fit and active to barely able to move in a very short space of time. While trying to get my head around that I also had my ex constantly moaning my health had ruined his life. I told him he should be grateful he could at least walk away from it because I can't. Anyway there's only so much I can take and decided I wanted him gone and started divorce proceedings and can honestly say I've never had a moments regret. Of course I still have the pain and multiple hospital appointments to deal with but financially it's wonderful. I'm so much better off on my own, I'm good with money and always have been, he isn't which was why I had paid off my mortgage at 40 and was debt free when we met and he'd come out of his previous marriage with £30,000 to his name which disappeared into thin air. I still live in my own house even though I had to pay him £125,000 and pay off £20,000 of legal fees and was free to be me and live my life in my own way without any moaning and despair. I did it and not only survived I thrived.

Gosh FlexibleFriend you are courageous. Good for you!

I had a suspicion you might be good with money with a name like yours

Well my story is that l had planned to retire last year but my husband of 35 years decided to go and work in Brussels and wants out of the marriage. We have had our ups and downs but l never ever thought the marriage would end. I am devastated and very lost. We have 2 adult children and 2 grandchildren. My husband refuses to communicate and we have a mediation meeting nect week. I feel as if l am greiving a loss.

You'd think mediation would force him to communicate but that certainly didn't happen in our case, mediation seemed to be all about finances. See a solicitor and find out where you stand financially. Do you both have pensions? The courts will want to split them equally. If it's just his pension then that will be split. Try to get it settled as swiftly as possible otherwise you'll end up with massive legal bills. Your housing needs should be treated as equal. Although for some bizarre reason our judge decided I could live in a one bedroom flat but my ex needed 2 bedrooms. He's fit and able and still working and I'm disabled with all sorts of equipment. I went round the judge at that point and got a variance of his decision that basically meant I could buy the ex off and keep my 4 bed house as long as he wasn't financially worse off. Hence the large payout for him, I was awarded £58k of his pension which I used to pay towards the £125k he was awarded. Thankfully I had my own pensions and receive Pip for my disability. My ex ran up debts of £50k while the divorce was going on and sold and spent all the shares he held and got away with it, so don't expect a clean fight but you may be lucky, he may be honourable.

Thanks for the advice . I am going for my first mediation session on Friday so will see how things go.

This thread was started seven years ago - some old names!

Goodness Flexible you went through a lot - hope all is well now.