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Divorce in retirement

(43 Posts)
petra Mon 12-Nov-12 22:40:35

Are there many women on here who have divorced after retiring.

grannyactivist Tue 13-Nov-12 01:14:19

Posted late so might slip down the page and I think it's an interesting topic.

kittylester Tue 13-Nov-12 06:37:27

Bump again. I agree ga although I have no experience personally or among my friends.

Having said that, my BiL is in the process of splitting from his wife and moving in with his Thai girlfriend who is 40 years younger. Probably not what Petra meant!!

kittylester Tue 13-Nov-12 06:37:37

Bump again. I agree ga although I have no experience personally or among my friends.

Having said that, my BiL is in the process of splitting from his wife and moving in with his Thai girlfriend who is 40 years younger. Probably not what Petra meant!!

kittylester Tue 13-Nov-12 07:22:48

Oops, sorry! Really poor signal in our bedroom!

absentgrana Tue 13-Nov-12 08:45:54

The financial ramifications of divorce after retirement could well be even more complex than they are when a couple is younger. In fact, they could be devastating. Family ramifications can be a huge problem too. I do know of a remarriage after a late divorce that has torn the family apart. Adult children have reverted to infancy and are furious with both parent for divorcing in the first place and doubly furious with the one who is contentedly remarried. However, I have no first-hand experience. Although I sometime feel like pushing Mr absent down the stairs, I have no intention of divorcing him.

janeainsworth Tue 13-Nov-12 09:16:31

Let's hope he has no intention of divorcing you absent!
Only joking! grin

Nelliemoser Tue 13-Nov-12 09:23:06

It had crossed my mind but a separation would suffice. Until the housing market picks up and I could sell up and we moved seperately my choices are limited.

absentgrana Tue 13-Nov-12 10:45:18

janeainsworth He wouldn't dare! smile

petallus Tue 13-Nov-12 10:50:34

I'd have to be pretty desperate to get divorced now after forty five years of 'thick and thin'.

It's not that I'm blissfully happy, just that I'm not unhappy enough.

kittylester Tue 13-Nov-12 12:56:51

That is sad petallus, Nelliemoser and, presumably petra. flowers

Greatnan Tue 13-Nov-12 13:45:18

Adult children can be incredibly selfish, if anything disturbs their own lives. When my sister left her husband after 30 years of his selfishness and put-downs, her three older sons were very annoyed because they would no longer be able to use the family home as a free hotel. Only the youngest boy, who was 14, was supportive, even though is life was the most affected. I was lucky - I was only 38 when I got remission and my daughters, who were 14 and 16, said they understood completely. Perhaps daughters react better than sons?
My own view is that you have only one life and it is a pity to spend it with someone who does not make you glad when they come through the door.

Nonu Tue 13-Nov-12 13:53:02

It is a very sad time for children be they grown or not . , if parents decide to separate or divorce .

Greatnan Tue 13-Nov-12 14:23:22

And it can be just as sad if they don't!

FlicketyB Tue 13-Nov-12 16:20:57

About 10 years ago friends of mine divorced as retirement bit, but it had been a dodgy marriage from the start, the miracle wa that they actually stayed together for nearly 30 years.

They were comfortably off and sold the house to a developer who wanted to build in the large garden. Both were able to buy much smaller but nice houses and seem much happier apart. I think, as well as not having money problems, they had been living such separate lives before the divorce, that apart from the house move nothing much changed in either of their lives.

lucid Tue 13-Nov-12 17:12:39

My mum got divorced after 49 years of marriage with the total support of all her children (all very grown up and settled). The only thing we couldn't work out was why she stayed so long as my father was a thoroughly unpleasant man. He kept as much money as he could, blamed me for 'putting my mother up to it' and eventually persuaded another poor woman to marry him. We supported my Mum until she was able to move into a sheltered housing complex and she has never looked back. She now has many friends, goes on as many coach holidays as she can afford and has a lovely life. Well done to my Mum grin

shysal Tue 13-Nov-12 17:55:24

I divorced just prior to retiring, as I couldn't bear the thought of being in each others' company at home. Whilst working we were able to lead separate lives, using different parts of the house. We were just able to afford to sell up and buy a tiny terraced home each. Our married daughters were fine with it and said it should have happened years ago. Everything was amicable between us until he found another wife! I had the silly idea that we could be friends, but it wasn't to be. Someone who used to be an honourable man then wanted to deny me the share of his pension which I was entitled to, having been at home with the children until they went to school, and then working part time. It involved a lengthy battle in court, which we had originally been anxious to avoid. My solicitor had warned me that re-marriage can cause headaches if you have any 'gentleman's' agreements!
I am not wishing to moan, but anyone in a similar position should perhaps be warned.
I should add that I have never been happier! I love living alone.

Nansypansy Sun 18-Nov-12 07:43:45

I am estranged from my husband of 40 years having been unhappy for many of them, but we are still obliged to live under the same roof as our house still isn't sold. This awful situation is rippling out to our children who have their own lives to lead with their own families whilst trying to be supportive to us. I wish I could see a light at the end of the tunnel but think this will only happen when we get a buyer. This situation is all at his instigation but he is King of twisting everything around and pointing the finger at me. I can't wait to be on my own with my two beloved cats. Then our children's lives will improve too.

JessM Sun 18-Nov-12 07:52:51

That sounds really tough nansypansy . This ongoing flat housing situation is affecting so many people. Hope a buyer turns up soon. Are you getting any "viewings" ?

Nansypansy Sun 18-Nov-12 07:58:53

Only 2 viewings since July and have reduced the price twice. We have just put it on with another Agent, but to be honest, with the current housing situation and Christmas around the corner, I don't hold out much hope.

kittylester Sun 18-Nov-12 11:33:22

This thread is so sad!

As someone who still looks forward to seeing my husband at the end of the day can I just send huge (((hugs))) to those of you who are in unhappy situations. I can't imagine what it is like but I hope things work themselves out for all of you before too long flowers

And talk to us if it helps.

crimson Sun 18-Nov-12 11:45:58

I used to dread the thought of retirement, even though my husband would have kept himself busy with cycling, working in the garage, visiting his mates or being in the pub. Unfortunately we divorced before that happened and we are both having to carry on working as a result of the divorce. My current partner was made redundant 5 years ago and is happy to sit round the house watching the telly, walking the dog etc. So I'm still dreading retirement sad. I just crave time to myself sometimes. But the financial implications have been enormous, the worst part not being able to help the children financially.

HUNTERF Sun 18-Nov-12 22:25:46

I just wish my late wife was still alive.


Nonu Sun 18-Nov-12 22:31:44


Bless ,x

Jendurham Sun 18-Nov-12 23:09:28

Hunterf, I just wish my husband was alive. He died of brain cancer 6 months after he retired. 43 weeks ago tonight.
I was going to post this earlier but didn't dare admit to being happy after 45 years.