kitty 
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I visited my Mum today!!
(62 Posts)I was about to post this and then saw onlyme's thread which was very touching. 
On the other hand, I went to see my Mum today and got out the photo album my brother had made for Mum's last birthday. We were doing really well until we got to the pages of my own family when Mum announced that she thought it was unreasonable of us to have adopted DD3 as we already had enough children. I eventually managed to convince her that DD3 was actually 'ours' rather than adopted when she announced that she couldn't possibly 'belong' to my husband as 'she doesn't look like any of the rest of them'. 
Mum then asked if my children were doing ok and not in any sort of trouble
and when I jokingly replied 'Yes, they are all fine - I've been a good mother' she said 'I don't think so - they are doing fine despite you!'
It's a good job I can laugh about it or I'd be on a murder charge by now. 
kitty 
I think you may be correct Stansgran. Mum is currently in a Dementia Unit being assessed and they are trying out some tablets to take the edge off her irritability.
I suppose when I started this thread it was somewhere to offload, because it can be upsetting, but also to have a bit of a giggle considering Mum was so prim and proper before she became ill.
She told me today that she hadn't seen Dad for months 'since he went of with that w***e' which I fond very upsetting as Dad was very patient with Mum and her pretensions and has been dead nearly 30 years.
Mum and I have had a tricky relationship and it is sad to realise that we will never, now, have a better one.
Hey ho!

Kittyis you mother further down the senile dementia route than you realise? My elderly neighbour started using language in old age that he would never have used "in real life" very hard to ignore from your own mother. So awful for you.
Today, I was told not to come back as I am a little s**t. I can't help wondering - what next? Xx
Oh Grans you have to laugh

Eloethan that reminds me of DH's Aunt, who was, as usual berating her sister (DH's mum). She told us that M had phoned her in a terrible state during a thunderstorm, and that M (the silly old bat) had drawn the curtains, switched off the TV, put all the cutlery, fire irons etc. in a cupboard and then sat in the dark, on the stairs, scared that the lightening would come down the chimney. The Aunt was very indignant about this call, so I suggested that it was nice that her sister had turned to her for comfort - Aunt replied that her sister was, as always, only interested in herself and her stupid fears and obviously never considered that Aunt had to come out of the cupboard under the stairs to answer the phone. 
My mum tells everybody what an enormous baby I was - I was 8 lbs.
When I went to stand on the draining board so that I could clean the inside of the kitchen window, she ordered me to get down as I would break the draining board.
Her friend gave her some size 16 jumpers. Mum said "Fancy giving me those, they're much too big. They might fit you though". (I'm a size 12).
When mum was staying with us over Christmas I reminded her to ring her friend as she is on her own (her husband died twenty years ago and she has no children). Part of mum's conversation went like this:
"Oh, what a shame Doreen."
......................
"That's awful, Doreen. Sometimes you wonder about people".
...........................
"Really - and they know you're not well."
etc., etc.
After she'd put the phone down, I asked what the problem was. Doreen apparently had had a very nasty cold over Christmas and she thought that some of her elderly friends were avoiding her in case they caught it (not all together unreasonable, I thought).
Well, never mind, I said. When you go back next week, you can pop in and see her.
"Oh no!", says mum, "I don't want to go there and pick up her cold. You can't be too careful at my age".
Kittylester
x10 Woodbine
She sounds as though she is a lady of some spirit!
Just had a text from my older brother who was told to 'S** off' - the tablets 'to take the edge off her irritability' don't seem to be working 
We always know when we are in my grandmas "bad books" as she puts the word that in front of your name 
Just resurrecting this as I went to visit my Mum on Tuesday (I have been in between times!!
As I have posted lots before, I am certain that Hyacinth Bucket was based on my mum so you will understand why, once I had recovered, her parting shot to me made me laugh.
Mum keeps asking us to give her a cigarette and, when we say we don't have any, she offers us a ten shilling note to go and get her some Woodbines. I told her she couldn't smoke while she was in hospital but she could when she went home, which she seemed to accept. But, as I left she shouted 'Well, f* off then and don't come back unless you bring me some Woodbines' 
I went to see Mum again today and found her crying. When I asked her why, she said 'I feel so ashamed that I have been left in this mess by your father running off with that floosie' My father died 28 years ago and, I'm sure, never looked at a 'floosie' in all his life. 
When I eventually got her to understand that it wasn't true she decided it must have been my brother she was talking about and 'He's taken my bloody wardrobe with him so she can use it for her clothes'
The psychiatrist told us never to argue with Mum but, also, never to tell lies to her either. Very 
My Aunt was 100 last week and received a card from the Queen. She told her daughter that the Queen had popped in to the home in the morning to see her, but she couldn't stay long as she was busy!! How lovely that she thinks that....
Aghhhh, I so know what you mean. My parents have both gone now, and I do miss them. I can also laugh about all those times exactly as you describe, now, and you know, the fact I managed to never give up and keep my sense of humour, means I have no regrets and only fond memories. Stay strong - and have a good laugh when the tears are gone.
[cake] 
As I have mentioned all the funny and upsetting things my Mum has done, I thought I should post about my visit on Thursday.
As the only daughter, most of the practical stuff falls to me, so I took a couple of packs of Christmas cards for Mum to write and all the presents I had bought for her to give to her great grandchildren.
After a couple of hours of trying to help her to write 18 cards I was nearly tearing my hair out. The family relationship of every single addressee had to be explained, sometimes 3 or 4 times depending on the number of people named. We had big digressions about when her parents had died and why she hadn't gone to the funerals (she did - I took her!!) etc etc. I am afraid I was starting to get short with her by the time I left.
But, as I walked down the corridor away from her room, Mum called out 'Thank you so much for all you do for me - I don't know what I'd do with out you'
Exit, one tearful daughter! I keep saying that there should be counselling on the way out of the home and I really needed it on Thursday.
As with any difficult job it is being able to find humour in a fraught situation that helps to get us through it without burning out ourselves.
We try to find things amusing Grannylin and generally succeed - just every now and again - it isn't amusing.
One of the saving graces about Mums who are in homes is that the others probably forget everything as soon as it's been said and I do think we all find things much more embarrassing than anyone around us does.
Mum rang me today to say that she hadn't seen anyone for months. I told her I had been on Friday and my youngest brother had been, with his daughter, on Saturday. Mum didn't believe me and kept calling me a liar until I told her she had been rude to all of us when she announced that she couldn't have been as it was not in her nature!!
I know some people think it's cruel to laugh 'at' Mum but she isn't Mum any more so it's not her we are laughing at - if you see what I mean.
I know I shouldn't but I do find your posts very amusing kitty.My Mum's banter has become so predictable we can mouth the words as she says them! it's just so embarrassing having it relayed to the other old dears in the care home.My sister and I always get:
( To my DS ) You always were a terrible liar since you were a little girl
( to me) Do you remember when you had your first period-you passed out, flat on the floor.You never could stand blood, could you? 
So glad I'm one of three sisters. 
I've got 2 brothers!!!!!
They take it in turns to be favourite!!!!!!
Mum drove a wedge between us and we didn't speak for about 6 years but then she did us all a favour and became ill, so we had to talk! 
Now, my brother and I get on better than we ever have and Mum's awfulness to me is a source of mutual shock and laughter. But I still find somethings she says or does are a step too far and I have to tell Gransnet 
Think it's a generation thing. My DH once drove four hours after work to collect my mum, brought her to ours for a week, took her to Heathrow (another two hours) and put her on a flight, sister and BIL collected and had her for a month before putting her on a plane back, DH collected, brought her home for another week and then took her back to her home. Par for the course. While she was sorting out to pack, I noticed that she had named as beneficiary on her insurance - my brother!! On being asked why him, she responded, bewildered. "But who else would I put down? He's my only son." 
My grandmother was like that with my uncles, who could do no wrong, although it was my mother and my aunt who cared for her in her 'declining years'.
My brother and I have bought her something between us this year (I usually arrange for flowers and a hamper of goodies to be delivered) I just know that after Christmas I will get a letter asking why I hadn't sent them and telling me what a great gift my brother bought!!
One year her birthday card arrived 2 days late (thanks Royal Mail) and I heard about it in every letter for at least six months.
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