getting married again - having to take my first wedding ring off

Dear willsandco I remarried in 2007 after being with my first husband up to his death after having had 30 years together. I spent 3 years alone and never thought I would meet anyone else but of course found an equally lovely man to whom I am now married. I found it very difficult to remove my wedding ring and did so 1 year after his death and now wear it on the other hand, I had to have it made a little bigger as that hand of course is different from the other. Why do we feel that we have to leave the past that has been so important.
It feels right on the other hand.
Eventually you might feel that you don't have to wear it at all.
Sometimes it is just too hard to let go of the past but when it feels right you will stop wearing it.
Ask yourself what your previous husband would have wanted you to do that was what I did.
Congratulations on your new love

I always thought the ^ Correct ^ place to wear a wedding ring is the left hand finger next to the small finger .

hence the the term "The ring finger".

Where "correct" = customary.

Nothing else. As I said before, there are no "shoulds", no rights, no wrongs.

As Winnie the Pooh would say:

"What does Crustimoney Proseedcake mean?" said Pooh. "For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words Bother me."

"It means the Thing to Do." (Owl)

A good jeweller should be able to enlarge it for you, and you can then wear it on your right hand forever..... a better bet I think, than on a chain, which can be awkward with the wrong necklines, or showing through. On your right hand is quite common, I think, for re-marriages after loss, and is rather a lovely way to carry old memories through into this new part of your life.

Hopefully your fiance is buying you a nice engagement ring to 'fill the indentation'

Yes you are right, I will go and consult with a jeweller. Trouble is that it isnt a normal ring, it is interlocking gold leaves which is more problematic than a simple one. I think you are right, that is the best option. I am worried about a chain and I cant just put it in a jewellery box. My younger daughter, pragmatic and not particularly sentimental, is staying with me this week and she has said she wants my wedding ring because she lived all her life within the love that her Dad and I had for each other - and the ring is testament to that. How lovely is that? When you think about it, I espied this ring in an old antique jewellers in Leeds in 1971 and put a deposit on it. My husband to be said he would pay when the balance was settled. Did he heck? He never paid for that ring at all! All part of the memory, isnt it?

willsandco I love reading your posts.

willsandco I would not give my old wedding ring away because I know my daughter will inherit anyway. My daughter often makes demands on me in that way and I think I should or I aught to do what she asks. I still think that you should wait until you are absolutely sure that you want to do anything. In relation to buying our wedding ring all those years ago, I did exactly the same as you and saw it in a second hand jewellers and paid the deposit for him to collect it later. I can't remember who paid but I remember when my now hubby decided we were getting married he came around town with me, a very different experience

I own a gold ring with a Art Nouveau leaf design set on it with a pearl in the centre. I bought it at a Collectors & Antiques Fair twenty years ago. It looks like a wedding ring and I often wondered about the decoration which was surely added later.
Now I think I was a wedding ring altered into a dress ring and probably worn during a second marriage.

Ooh, Margaret X, that sounds interesting. I am going to call into the jewellers tomorrow. I have really enjoyed this discussion. It has been so good of you all to contribute. Will keep you posted.

I think I might just have solved the problem. My younger daughter is staying for the week. She had a look at the ring and, hey presto, she noticed that the leaf design is made of separate leaves so there are tiny holes (I can remember pastry used to get stuck inside it when I used to bake for the children when they were young!!) So we are going to look for a really lovely golden chain and thread it through the holes. It will then hang well on the chain, be far more secure and look good as well around my neck. Hurrah! Just shows what we ladies can do when we get together!

Problem solved! I have taken my old wedding ring off and it is in the jewellers. It is not straightforward as the ring consist of gold leaves intertwined but the jeweller is going to make it bigger so it fits on my right hand. So, I have one ring finger waiting for a new ring by April 12th 2014. How wonderful it all is! Once again, thank you for all your advice, much appreciated! x

Many congratulations and all good wishes for a happy future together with your new man.

I can see that taking this ring off has huge emotional significance for you and hopefully you can discuss this with the new man and go together to have it altered at a jewellers to fit your right hand ring finger. I think involving him is important and would give you both a good start to your new relationship.

You both have things and people to let go of at the same time as embarking on a new phase of your lives and that letting go needs to be a shared expeerience in order to get things off on the right foot.

Lots and lots of good luck and happiness to you both.

What a happy outcome, willsandco. Time will fly by until April 12th. All the very best to you and your new OH.