Fathers for Justice

Is horrid I suppose there must be cases where fathers are violent etc but think those types would not want bother kids.

My friends son emigrated to nz because he was broken by his ex moving up north with man she met online and stopping all contact with his 3 sons. He went to court but she got oldest to say he did not want see his dad! My friend can't see her grandsons either so very sad!

I am so glad my little granddaughter saw me bring presents round at Xmas but what my daugher tells her can't imagine.

We posted next voucher for her 5th birthday never returns gifts but doubt she tells her from us no thanks ever. Her godparents have not stopped sending as she used to thank them now stopped.

My niece is wicked as her ex cared for thos little girls every other weekend since their birth while she worked and is in bits now. Sadly she told so many lies that wonder if he will get contact. The woman is believed it seems.

I can understand their despair although not always their methods. My ex husband had a terrible time with his first wife as regards access to his 2 daughters. His ex also threatened to withdraw visiting rights of their paternal grandmother if she allowed me to visit her. [I was not the reason for the divorce by the way]. Gifts sent by us were re-labelled, gifts from their paternal grandmother not thanked, visits by my ex suddenly cancelled at literally the last minute. She used those 2 girls as weapons for many years. When we were finally able to see them together their oldest daughter inadvertently told us all about the gifts sent from us and had been told we never sent her anything.
So when he left me I made sure that he had full contact with our children.

grannyactivist That is outrageously vindictive and so sad for the father,for you and your family and even more for the children who are being deprived of such a lovely grandma as yourself.
Have you seen the website www.kidsinthemiddle.com a campaign being run by a gp of teenage children. The children should have a voice .
Love to you and your family

Some of you might possibly find these helpful,
www.matchmothers.org
www.mothers4justice.co.uk

Sadly Maniac one of the conditions of my son in law's contact with the children is that he has no contact with my daughter's family: i.e. me, her siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and grandparents.

grannyactivistSo glad to hear of the tenacity and persistence of your SIL in working for contact with his children and that he eventually got a result.Pass on my admiration.
He should write a report -or even a book- about his journey.Many desperate fathers might benefit from his experiences .It must have been very stressful -and expensive!

So many sad stories on this thread . As Petallus says, there are decent men who are denied contact and violent, controlling men who should never be allowed back into their children's lives.

I remember some years ago when a particular individual from Fathers for Justice was in the news over custody of a child with a new partner. His previous ex was bemused, saying she would be happy for him to have regular contact with his children from their relationship, but he never bothered!

There are many decent men out there who are being denied contact with their children by their ex for no good reason.

But it is also true that some men are relentless in their quest to get regular contact with their children as a way of continuing to exert control over their ex partner.

My son in law fought like a lion to maintain contact with his daughter from his first marriage - going back to court again and again and again, until eventually his ex realised that he was never going to give up and she finally started to comply with the many court orders against her. Then my own daughter did the same thing to him some years later and estranged herself and the children from her husband (and also from her own family). Thankfully he battled through the courts again and now has some limited contact with the children. I have nothing but admiration for his tenacity. There were many times that he considered taking outrageous action, but he wanted to remain within the bounds of the law and I'm so glad that it eventually paid off for him. The lengths some fathers go to in order to maintain contact are impressive, but I think that unlawful actions are self-defeating in the long run.

Damned iPad meant 3 girls ages 6 5 -and 4 so young! The dreadful thing into use children a pawns is beyond awful in my book

My niece has stopped herm3 girls 6 t and 4 from seeing their dad.think she lost the plot! He was so hands on and loving to them. He is is bits waiting of Court date now she has cut me out as I dared to speak to him!

What is the matter with people.

Oops ! that link didn't work .It is www.mothers4justice.co.uk

LizG You may like to know that there is a website Justice and also MATCH Mothers Apart from their Children.
I'm sorry to hear your DD had trouble with ex SIL and Govt -which dept was that?
My opinion of British justice especially in Family Justice courts is at rock bottom but in 90% of cases the bias is against fathers -hence the desperate pleas .
Look forward to seeing you again soon.

Perhaps this man was having a medieval cry for help. Putting a plea to the Queen. I know she has no authority but perhaps it was a last resort who else can I turn to feeling.

Janerowena I’m sorry you had such a hard time with your ex.I admire your compassion and wisdom in allowing your daughter to make her own decisions.
I’m sure she will grow up a balanced and mature woman as a result of your attitudes .I wish you all well
I also didn’t tell my MIL about my ex’s infidelities and drinking.I wrote to her saying that I would like to keep in touch with her but my SIL wrote requesting that I refrain from further contact.I certainly wouldn’t have dreamt of denying her contact with her grandchildren –they were almost adults by then..
I have an amicable relationship with my ex and visit him in his care home.He's recently moved to be near my daughter in Cheshire.

I don't agree with vandalism, no matter what the cause, and it does not give a good impression of the people who do it. BUT, those who are separated from their children or grandchildren have my deepest sympathy.
I cannot imagine anything more heart-breaking than not being allowed contact, and those who deny contact should stop and think about what distress they are causing. It's pure selfishness, unless there is some
justifiable and overwhelming reason why contact should not be granted.

One of the worst things must be for fathers who have to put up with
another guy living in their house and having daily contact with the children. I hate ex-wives who do this.

I should have added, I hid what he was like from everyone, including his mother who I loved dearly. It was pride, and always thinking that one day he would change. It was only when he hit me in public that I realised that I had to leave, and my friend who witnessed it offered me a place to stay. I also should have added that not only did he pin hmy daughter by the throat dangling up against the wall, he also made her walk all the way back to the bar by herself at almost 3am, where she was let in by some very surprised and slightly concerned waiters to retrieve her purse. There were other occurences later on, that was just the first.
Emotions are such a mess at times like this, it was hard to see my MIL because how can you tell a mother that her son is horrible? It's easier not to see them at all, in the same way that it's easier not to see the partner at all. She is dead now, and I miss her very much. Ex is still an alcoholic, leading his partner a merry dance.

Sorry Maniac since reading your comments on the other thread I have had several attempts to reply on here. Each time I have cleared it down because it has all proved too painful. I appreciate how difficult this subject must be for you but sadly I so wish there was an organisation called 'Mothers for Justice'. Between my ex son in law and the Government my daughter's life has been made a misery and actually, though she is far from perfect, through no fault of her own.

I have to say when I saw the heading on this thread last week and knowing of my feelings I decided to keep well clear.

Oh, Jane it sounds as if you went through hell and was very brave to let him still have contact. I think if I were in your shoes he would have found himself an estranged father.

It must be nearly impossible for courts to accurately judge a person's character - appearances can be so deceptive, some gentle sons of gentle mothers may not be so gentle in the emotional frenzy of a marriage breakdown.

Ok - deep breath - I had a violent Ex. I dreaded my daughter one day suffering at his hands, but I did let her go to him every weekend as he had never harmed her. It was so hard, I was so worried. Yes I knew he loved her and she loved him. Then he took her to Greece one year (three years after our separation) when she was 13 and she left her purse on the table of a bar that he had refused to leave until about 2am, he was very drunk (an alcoholic). She said that he had pinned her up against a wall by her throat (very Nigella) and she had been so afraid, stuck there in a country with no-one to turn to apart from his girlfriend, who resented her being with them anyway. She steered as clear of him as she could for the remaining two days, burst into our house when he brought her back without saying goodbye and I could tell from the way he slunk off that he had done something that he was ashamed of.

I reminded him that now she was 13, he couldn't force her to see him, it was up to her. She made excuses not to see him for a few weeks, gradually seeing him again but not quite as often. I let her call all the shots, despite him being a real pain in the neck and saying I should make her see him. I just felt, he is her real father, I don't want her blaming me in latter years for not staying in contact. So when my now husband and I decided that we had had enough of living close to him purely to enable her to see him easily, we gave her the choice to stay with him or come with us. She had so many friends in the area, and other family, that I think we were all surprised when she chose us. He kidnapped her for a few days, blaming me. It was entirely her own choice.

I put myself through all that for her, He was awful when he came round, frequenntly didn't bring her back when he should have done, sometimes days late, was abusive and a stalker and I would never put myself through that again, ever.

I only discovered years later that when my daughter wanted to tell him something that she knew he wouldn't like, she said that it was my idea. Not everything is as clearcut as it appears on the surface, but of course i would be devastated if it were to happen to my own gentle caring son. But maybe he too could turn into an alcoholic one day and hide it from me.

‘I can understand the desperation’ -
I doubt if anyone can possibly understand the desperation of estranged fathers denied contact unless they have been there.Some fathers have committed suicide.My son is a good man and has been a caring,loving father.His only son has been denied contact with him and all his family for over 2 years

‘ needs to be presenting himself as a nice guy who is caring and not vindictive’
Many dads have done that for years to no effect.

The courts are not stopping contact –that has already been done by the mother and stepfather.The courts are refusing to renew contact .
Being mild and reasonable cuts no ice at all especially in the face of false allegations from resident parent which are not challenged and father has no chance to refute.Children under duress can easily be persuaded that they don’t wish to see dad...

If you have sons and grandsons be very afraid.Unless the law changes you could in the future find yourself in this situation

I’m sure that the suffragettes were told to stay at home,be nice reasonable ladies and not to make outrageous protests.

My son agreed with his ex that he would wait several months before introducing my grandson to his new partner, and he kept his word. They were introduced for a few moments on neutral ground, after he had been with his partner for 9 months. Ex was furious and caused such a commotion, then demanded that my son brought his partner round for her to be vetted. New partner refused to be treated like that, so they both said 'no, sorry, not in these circumstances, but if things improve we will invite you round later on.'

Gradually, my grandson was integrated with son's partner and her two delightful children from her previous marriage, and now they have a 4 month old baby. Grandson told his mum that new partner was 'really nice, I like her.'

Whilst all this was going on and my son was juggling new partner and son, cheeky ex met a man, moved him in after 6 weeks, then chucked him out 2 months later! Very confusing for my grandson, but what a hypocrite!

Although if the father has left his wife and children for another woman, I can understand that it might be difficult for the mother to happily send children off to stay with the happy couple, at least initially.

Of there is proven violence or mental instability on the part of the father that is one thing but if it is simple spite on the part of the mother that is something entirely different.