Disappointed

Please ignore me. I realise I'm making something out of nothing and OH is a grown up and there's a lot worse to worry about.

I understand, mollie. My OH is a step-dad (and step-granddad) too, and although DD did actually drop a card off yesterday I know he would have been hurt if she hadn't.

Fathers' day is a totally commercial thing. It has no real history to it like Mothers' Day has. I can remember when the greetings card companies decided to bring it in, we agreed in our family to ignore it. I can't underst and why so many people have been taken in by it.

Ker-ching!!!

OH doesn't expect it but I'm disappointed on his behalf that my children don't ever acknowledge with a card all the years of support and love he's given them. Silly I know but it would be nice.

It doesn't need to be commercial. The grandad in my house was delighted to get lovely home made cards and cuddles. I can understand why loving step grandpas might feel a bit sad not to get a cuddle and a card.

Well, we don't have any Grandads in our house any more, but all my girls remembered their Dad today in their own way. It's not necessarily a commercial thing. Just to remember and acknowledge is enough.

I know it's a commercialism but its an acknowledgement too and who doesn't want to feel valued? Trouble is I expect the ex has received an undeserved card 'just because'...grrrrrrr!

As gally says, there are other ways of remembering, valuing, acknowledging one's father. We don't need an appointed calendar date to do those things. All that seems to do is set people up for disappointment and, alongside that, put pressure on people to do "what's expected". Expected by whom? – the card-producing and fathers' day gift companies.

In my view we don't need an appointed calendar date for mothers either.

If you are a parent who is appreciated by your offspring, you'll know that anyway, without them needing an appointment to tell you so.

I don't celebrate Mothers day and don't know when Fathers day is. It is good idea to ask who is making money out of this business. Its not mothers and fathers. Quite right mollie there are a lot more things to worry about.

I do agree that these things are commercial but think it is nice to give people a little reminder so they can show appreciation. It is obvious from some of the GN posts that many are taken for granted and I know some forget to say 'I love you' without a prompt so perhaps it is good to have such days?

DH had cards and presents but the best thing for him was small GS on the phone asking him to come and see him.

My son got this message from his partner's son. '' Happy father's day' I know you are not my Dad but thank you for all you do for us'' . He was really chuffed.

Mollie am I missing something here? It was fathers' day not grandfathers', surely? I know DH was thrilled that DGS had "signed" the card from DD, but did notexpect a card from the boys. Nor would expect it to be extended by a generation. I hope I have not misunderstood you, but also, actions speak louder than cards don't they?

Words are not necessarily required to show someone you love them, nor are cards necessary to show appreciation. Behaviour says nearly all that needs to be said. At least, it does in my book.

Hadn't properly read your post when I posted, graces – great minds

And I'm talking about ordinary every day behaviour, not special effort behaviour.

Yes, it was Fathers Day but we are the only grandparents getting involved in the GC's life, the others aren't interested, and I got a Grandmothers card as well as a Mothers card so was hoping OH would get a grandfathers card too. He never gets a Fathers Day card and doesn't expect it but he does so much for our only GD and her family that I hoped they'd make this one small gesture.

I wouldn't let it bother you, Mollie. I have never heard of grandmother or grandfather cards on Mothers' and Fathers' Days, let alone received one. I don't know anyone else who has, either

Neither my husband nor I get a 'grandmother' or 'grandfather' card on Mothers'/ Fathers' Day and don't expect it. My daughter makes it clear that she doesn't think it appropriate to include grandparents in what is a day for parents. I think she is absolutely right. It's different if one set of grandparents receive cards but not the other set, or even worse one half of a couple, and I can see that would be very hurtful.

I don't know whether my son got a card from his stepson but I hope so; I know it would mean a lot to him.

Yes, I was thinking you meant a card from your son to your OH, mollie - which would have been a nice gesture.

If your son says your OH is a brilliant grandpa, it rather sounds to me as if you've nothing to complain about. I may be barking completely up the wrong tree, in which case I apologise, but what you've said it does rather look like a veiled criticism of your son's partner, whom I'm assuming is the child's mother.

DH got a card from DD, the 4 GC and the 2 dogs!

I think that sometimes our children[albeit grown up ones] can feel as if they're being disloyal to their fathers if they give cards etc to step parents [even if they acknowledge how rotten their own father has been]. The S.O. wouldn't get a card from my kids. Having said that my daughter was once very upset that the S.O. didn't treat her as he would have done a member of his own family; she just said, very sadly 'are we family or aren't we' and the relationship has never been quite the same since. And it doesn't help that she felt very let down by her own father when he left. Extended families contain an awful lot of mixed emotions.

Oh no, Bags, no criticism of my DIL. It was probably hard for her as this is the first year since her own Dad died. Any criticism was aimed at my ex and also not appropriate here.

It's in the past now (yesterday) and OH is over it but I like things to be fair. He's no kids of his own but is a brilliant granpa and GD goes to him before me for most things. If I got a card from GD (who is 2) then he ought to too.

Anyway, I've made a mountain out of a molehill so enough from me.

No you haven't mollie. if you feel hurt about something it's always best to talk and think it through. I can see that you felt hurt for him and that shows what a lovely relationship you have.