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(89 Posts)
VProudGranny Fri 24-Jan-14 11:03:42

My Son and Daughter in law have just been accepted on the NHS IVF programme. I would like to be as supportive as I can - anyone out there with any experience with this? By the way I'm very lucky to have a fantastic relationship with them

whenim64 Fri 24-Jan-14 11:32:35

Yes, I'm the proud nana of two sets of IVF twins (both twin daughters struggled to conceive because of polycystic ovaries), both successful first time. Can't believe how lucky a family we are.

Feel free to pm, or chat on here. Just off out for lunch with son who is planning to adopt - he and partner have chosen this route to deal with fertility issue - back later. Good luck to them.

ayse Fri 24-Jan-14 11:37:11

Hi VPGranny

Congratulations - My daughter in OZ had IVF and now has three lovely children. I think the %age success rate is about 34% so it can be a very trying time. My daughter became extremely grumpy; talk about PMT. The process is hard going for the female as the amount of hormones given is huge, thus the disruption to normal service. Hopefully you can reassure both of them if this happens that it is not unusual.

My daughter didn't want me to keep asking how it was going. It's very tempting to ask but I ended up waiting for her to tell me. I can't speak for your DIL but mine kept the pregnancy secret until after the 12 weeks, just in case anything went wrong.

Just be there for them and plenty of listening and reassurance.
Congratulations again and my best wishes

HMHNanna Fri 24-Jan-14 13:37:19

We are the proud grandparents of three children. Our eldest son and his wife were unable to conceive naturally because of polycystic ovaries. They now have two gorgeous children, who were both conceived through IVF. Their first attempt was unsuccessful, but on their second attempt our beautiful ( now six year old GD was conceived).Two years later they had another course of IVF and our handsome (now four year grandson was conceived). The eggs used for all three attempts were all retrieved at the same time, and although there are two and a half years between DGD and DGS they are like two peas in a pod. They kept us informed every step of the way, and it was wonderful to be able to support them both throughout their IVF procedures.
Our youngest son and his wife conceived naturally very quickly which resulted in our beautiful second GD.
I sincerely hope that your son and daughter- in-laws treatment goes well.

VProudGranny Fri 24-Jan-14 13:45:05

Hi Ladies. Thank you it's nice to hear such positive stories. My daughter has 2 lovely children conceived naturally - it was a breeze and of course that's how it should be! So a bit of a shock when our eldest son discovered that things weren't going to be quite so straight forward for them. The problem lies with my son, there is some genetic problem with his sperm so not only do they have to go the IVF route but they have to genetically alter the embryo before insertion (I think - its all quite complicated). Anyway things are just starting to happen and all I can do at the moment is keep everything crossed and hope my youngest son - who is getting married very soon - goes the same way as his sister.

grandma60 Fri 24-Jan-14 15:14:41


My son and his wife are expecting IVF twins in May. Like your daughter ours had 2 children very easily, while DS & Dil have had to watch family and friends all starting families all around them.
The IVF worked at the second attempt and it has been a stressful time for everyone. I didn't realize how difficult the procedure was and much our DIL would have to go through

All worth it now, though. We were there at the scan on christmas eve and were shown 2 little boys kicking and punching each other through the membrane

I wish you and your family all the luck in the world

bikergran Fri 24-Jan-14 18:25:10

Lovely to hear success elder DD (now 38) has had 2 cycles of IVF (due to polycystic ovaries) but wasn't a success, I took her and went with her on most occasions to St Marys in Manchester, it is quite gruelling, lots of injections/blood test etc etc.I even went in with her when the embryos were being implanted. She has now been given funding for another try and can start whenever she feels ready, but of course she is now 3 yrs older. Good luck smile My younger daughter (31) had my one and only GS , she has been trying for a number of yrs but for some reason no success naturaly, but she is not entitled to any help as she already has a child.

whenim64 Fri 24-Jan-14 19:31:07

My daughters both chose to be referred via NHS to CARE, rather than St Mary's, as they have a higher success rate. Their treatment was first class, but what a roller coaster of emotions for them, due to the high level of hormones they had to inject daily. CARE has a very good forum for everything you could possibly want to know about IVF, from pre-treatment and conception to the first few months after birth. I'll find the link. Well worth joining.

whenim64 Fri 24-Jan-14 19:33:27

Very useful website with forums.

Mishap Fri 24-Jan-14 20:06:29

I do hope that there will be a successful outcome for your family.

There is no doubt that IVF can be stressful - lots of hormones being injected and lots of tension during the inevitable waiting periods at different stages of the process. They will need lots of support and understanding, and, if they are unsuccessful, even more so.

Two members of my family have been down the IVF route over long periods and sadly neither conceived - well, one did, but then miscarried - and this after many tries by both. I only throw this negative note in amongst the happy positive outcomes above, as it as well to understand how traumatic this can be and how much they would need you if they found themselves in this unfortunate situation.

IVF requires single-mindedness and the family's lives tend to revolve around this during the period of treatment. It can be hard to let go of this focus if the time comes when that is the right thing to do. Moving forward after unsuccessful IVF is a huge challenge and they would need all your love and cherishing.

I hope very much that this is not a place that you all find yourselves in - we have been in that situation, and it is as well to fore-warned and fore-armed.

I am not trying to put a damper on things - but just to pas on our experience.

On the plus side, one of the couples successfully adopted and the other courageously made new plans for a childless future. Both are very happy with where they now find themselves, and neither couple regrets trying IVF in spite of everything.

bikergran Fri 24-Jan-14 21:18:05

thanks whenim64 I will save that link, like yourself mishap no not trying to put a damper on anything I know where you are coming from and I'm sure VProudGranny would not think otherwise.When my daughter first told me they were going for IVF I must admit I didn't think that it would fail, as I hadn't done any research and I suppose was a bit blas'e about it, thinking ohh right brill!! off we go....but had I read up about it prior then maybe we would have at least made ourselves aware that it may not work. But for lot's of other families it does smile and that is lovely news for them, so we can keep hoping and who knows.

Anniebach Sat 25-Jan-14 09:42:55

My daughter is starting another attempt at IVF this month , whilst I understand the joy for those who now have much loved grandchildren through IVF I think the down side should be discussed because proudgranny may find she is supporting a couple when the treatment has failed, plus as said by grandma 60, it is such a stressful time, my daughter has had seven attempts over 17 years . Some clinics have a higher success rate than others too. I am so fearful this time because if it fails again I think they will have to accept they will never have a child, my daughter has said she is prepared for this but I am not sure, to have gone through this treatment so many times she has held onto hope for seventeen years , it will not be easy to abandon this hope.

I wish your daughter joy Proudgranny and do contact me if you wish to express your own feelings because it will be stressful for you too x

LizG Sat 25-Jan-14 09:57:58

(((hugs))) and flowers to all who are being supportive during this difficult situation.

grandma60 Sat 25-Jan-14 18:44:58

Anniebach, I can imagine what your daughter and the rest of the family is going through. My DIL used a different clinic the second time and their approach worked for her although it may not of worked for others. They are lucky enough to have been able to go private. The strain must be even worse for those who can't. Of course we are not out of the woods yet as the babies arn,t due until May. I have often wondered how she would cope if they had to.make the decision to give up. We live the other end of the country but she has very supportive family near by. My Son remarked the other day that he never used to think that people have an automatic right to have children but he can see things from the other side now

flowers to you and your daughter

whenim64 Sat 25-Jan-14 19:28:41

IVF isn't right for everyone. One of my daughters was extremely ill right through, and her babies were very premature - delivered at 30 weeks by emergency section - little sugar bag size babies who spent nine weeks in SCBU. The impact of injected hormones on my daughter's body was severe, and she was told her health would only return when she gave birth. I flinch when I hear her say she would love to have another child, because I remember how ill she was. It's hard going being mum and grandmother in such circumstances. Thankfully, they all came out if it in one piece, but it could have been so different.

The CARE fertility website was very useful, and she met other pregnant mums in our region who have become friends. It's also a forum containing some very sad stories of failure and loss. Anyone going through IVF is taking on a big challenge even if it goes relatively smoothly. There's a high level of premature birth, particularly with multiples, and more complications. You just have to keep thinking about the possible positive outcome, be realistic, and get on with it.

Mishap Sat 25-Jan-14 19:32:07

Yes when - the hormones are pretty powerful - one of my relatives was admitted to hospital with an adverse reaction to them.

IVF can be a joy, and it is lovely to hear these success tales - I hope that is how it happens for you VPG.

harrigran Mon 27-Jan-14 13:43:57

OHSS is a possibility with these procedures and success rates are variable so wise to keep feet firmly on the ground until you get definite news. Best wishes for a happy outcome.

lifecycle Fri 14-Feb-14 21:46:44

I can only support others who say just try to be there for them, through all eventualities, and though it's difficult try not to be intrusive of their privacy however close you all are. It's a tough road for them and for you a very fine line between caring enough and caring too much. You won't always get it right but you can try. Let them tell you what they want you to know. My DIL had an IVF miscarriage early last year and she and my son were both devastated after all they had been through and all seemed to be going well. All we could do at the time was be there to listen to and love them though our hearts were breaking for them. They were lucky enough to have several frozen embryos and were successful at the second attempt. Their child, our beautiful grandson, is 10 days old today.

Best wishes to you all smile

whenim64 Fri 14-Feb-14 21:52:20

Congratulations to you and your family, lifecycle. That's fabulous news of a happy outcome. smile

grandma60 Fri 14-Feb-14 22:12:27

I have an update to my last post. Dils waters broke last sunday and the babies were delivered on Monday weighing 1.5lbs and 2.3lb. It was a shock for all of us as she was only 26weeks and everything seemed be be going well. I am so upset for them after everything they have been through although things are going quite well at the moment. Can't take anything for granted though. I havnt seen them yet as they are in scotland and we are down on the south coast. Just seen photos of 2 little scraps in incubators..[hugs] to any families who have been through the same thing.

tanith Fri 14-Feb-14 22:19:36

grandma60 what a shock , all my good wishes go to you and your family I hope those babies will grow stronger and stronger.. they sure do wonders in the prem baby units. Good luck to you all flowers

grandma60 Fri 14-Feb-14 22:23:14

Mean,t to say congratulations to lifecycle.and her family[Its nice to read happy outcomes. sunshine

grandma60 Fri 14-Feb-14 22:25:56

Thank for your good wishes Tanith. I still can't believe it has happened. I will keep you posted

lifecycle Fri 14-Feb-14 22:26:36

Love, hugs & best wishes to you and them grandma60. The babies seem decent weights for their gestation so fingers crossed all continues well. The UK has some of the best neonatal intensive care nurseries in the world so they will be in good hands. My DD was born very prematurely & sick more than 30 years ago & spent a month on a NICU - the support and interest of family and friends helped us cope during a difficult time.

whenim64 Fri 14-Feb-14 22:35:01

Thinking about you, Grandma60 Our little IVF twin grandaughters (2 year olds now) were tiny scraps at 2lbs and 2lb 10ozs, and spent 9 weeks in SCBU. They had fantastic care and are healthy little girls who are progressing fantastically. I hope everything goes well for your family flowers