Mother and bathing!

My mum tends to wear the same clothes for a long time. She says she doesn't sweat and her clothes don't get dirty. I've tried to tell her that even if she is clean, everybody sweats to some degree and clothes become less fresh even if they look OK. She won't use her washing machine any more and washes out her underwear by hand - which I think is unhygienic. Her washing machine is very old, difficult to use and the washing cycles do not have the modern quick washes. She won't hear of getting another one - though she is more than able to afford it. I bring her clothes, towels and bed linen home with me to do in my washing machine, press them and take them back to her.

She's also stopped using her bath as she says she's afraid she might fall. Again, I've tried to persuade her to either get a shower or one of the walk-in baths, but to no avail. She has a bath when she stays with us and the rest of the time she says she has a "wash down". She doesn't really smell, but sometimes she isn't as fresh as she might be. It's very unsatisfactory but I don't know what else I can do.

I understand some people don't replace things because they can't afford it, but if a person has money I don't understand the point of amassing it and not using it when it's needed.

Flowerofthewest I was replying to Jesss's post

Eleothan hand washing is fine. Our modern standards of hygiene are IMO excessive. Up until about 50 years ago that is what everyone had to do. And for centuries people changed their underwear but not their outerwear - no dry cleaning for woollen clothes etc. and most people only had one skirt or one pair of trousers.
My gran had no bath or shower and used to stand at the sink and wash and she had no washing machine either but was never smelly or had any skin infections. it was the Senior Service cigarettes "wot done the old gel in".

@Eloethan she's saving for a rainy day.

My parents had an electric shower put over their bath when my mother was recuperating from an op and found getting in and out of the bath difficult. These can be fitted quite easily and I believe only need a cold water feed. As they got older they used this more than the bath, so as long as you are safe to climb into the bath this may solve the problem. I would say though to get a good unit with a large powerful shower head.

Can you buy her some T.Lady pads and say "I find this make really good, would you like to try them?"

My MIL did not have a bath for years, just a strip wash and she never had a washing machine. Undies were handwashed and skirts etc spot-sponged. She did smell rather musty but refused to have a bath although I used to suggest it when she came to stay.
DM needed a lot of help in and out of the bath and used to get upset because we could only manage to do it once a week, the effort wore her out.

DD1 has a lovely new large deep bath with steep sides, very modern. I could not get out of it when I stayed (usually have a shower). I was panicking, did not want to be rescued. I let the water out, managed to get the bathmat into the bath to get a grip and on to my knees and up.

I can understand the fear of getting stuck, and perhaps older people do not like water on their head from a shower.

I don't like water on my head/face in the shower. I have one which can be angled out to hit the shoulders (or the back of the head for hair-washing)

If she does get one, make it as big a base as can fit. A shower with a small base is rather restricting if you can't easily bend down, and a grab handle is essential, even if you have no fears about slipping. It can be used to hang things to drip-dry, too.

I hate using the shower at DD1's house - a small square base, with the shower head fixed to drown you from above, and shampoo showergel etc stored on the floor.

Margaret74 I think those huge steep sided baths are an absolute nightmare.

They make it far more difficult to get in and out of without having to balance in a precarious manner. I am still fairly mobile and I can get over stiles quite well but I feel a lot less confident than I used to be when going over uneven ground etc.

Their bath looks lovely and I was really enjoying a good soak. However they have a huge shower as well so I will be sticking to using that when I go again.

My friend dislikes water on her head and always requests a bath when they go away to a hotel or on a cruise.

Their bath looks lovely and I was really enjoying a good soak. However they have a huge shower as well so I will be sticking to using that when I go again.

My friend dislikes water on her head and always requests a bath when they go away to a hotel or on a cruise.

Flower is it possible that your mum is already using incontinence pads, but doesn't want to own up to it?

The indignities of getting old can be so unfair. DDs or DILs think nothing of wandering about your house waving a full nappy sack around as they head for the bin but I remember my mother needing help to discreetly dispose of Tena Lady pads during a family get together at my brother's house. I made more than one late night trip to the dustbin with a Waitrose carrier bag. Made the job seem less humiliating than a common old Tesco's bag.

We now have yellow bags in our area for nappy and hygiene waste disposal . So on collection day anyone can see that if there are no small children in the house then someone is incontinent.

I bet a lot of people just put them in with the household waste to avoid the 'shame' - own-goal for the Council!

Eloethan Do we have the same mother? I have never really noticed it before, it is my sister who has her to stay for a week or two who has mentioned it. Yesterday, however, I did get a whiff. I lost the nerve when trying to pluck up courage to mention the 'smell' However my DH and I went out for a pub lunch today with her and I made a quick detour to Lidl on the way back. I ran in to buy a 'special offer' of wet tissues. Told her I had seen they were BOGOF and treated her too (she loves anything if it is free) I sweetened the medicine with £1.29 pot of tete a tete. She was thrilled and I explained in detail what they were and when to use them and that they make one feel lovely and fresh and that they are flushable.

I have asked my son-in-law to fix the tap which she will not pay a plumber to do. So, hopefully, the bath will at least be safe. I tried again to suggest that I would go to hers while she bathes or she come here but to no avail. Ooh, and in answer to a question, no she doesn't secretly wear inco pads. I do - I find Tena Ladies invaluable, just feel happier with them (just the mini ones you understand) She is reluctant to wear her specs because she may look old.

Flower, don't wish to sound nannying, but be careful about flushing wipes down the loo. Our drains got blocked by 'flushable' wipes. Everyone thought it was the young couple with a baby but they were not the culprits, it was someone else who was shocked to find their 'flushable' andrex wipes had blocked the drains. Apparently they do not dissolve or disintegrate any more.
Can you suggest she rolls them in some toilet paper and bins them?

Oooer margaretm74 I have been flushing the Andrex 'flushable' wipes for ages. Oops. I think that will be too much trouble for her. It was hard enough suggesting that she use them.

Yes my neighbour blocked the sewer pipe with baby wipes. Unfortunately the sewer goes straight across our garden. (why oh why are developers still allowed to do that?) Fortunately it was not long after the house was built and the developers were still on site and we did not have to pay for the unblocking. In theory all neighbours share the liability for such pipes until they arrive at the public sewer in the road.

I discovered that, for some unknown reason, my mother was using tissues instead of toilet paper. These blocked her loo several times before we 'got to the bottom of it'.

Oh dear I have been reading this post with trepidation of what the future might hold in 20 years time. My daughter is coming to visit. I'm going to talk to her about her dad and myself getting older. I will order her to tell me if I smell. The trouble is I think some of us may get cantankerous in old age so I will ask her to be firm. My M.iL is 85 she doesn't smell she lives in a council house and her council is marvellous she has a walk in bath/ shower, a stairlift
All for nothing and no rent. We won't be so lucky so adapting the house may be beyond us. Just a thought perhaps we all thought our grandparents didn't smell because in the 50's everyone smelt so we didn't notice. That's my husbands reasoning anyway. Good luck flower hope things get resolved.

Kiora I think you have a point about everyone else being smellier in the 1950s.
Far less people had warm bathrooms or bedrooms and running hot water.

Or Automatic Washing machines to make it easier to do the laundry more often.

I think this has been mentioned, but the flushable, bio-degradable wipe do suggest that you only flush one or two at a time. I will remind my mother to use paper first then finish off with a wipe.

Update on my mother. Rang her this evening to remind her not to use the wipes instead of loo paper but to use loo paper first and to then 'freshen up' with 1 or 2 wipes at most. She says they are lovely and is happy I bought her some. Some progress at last. Next project to fix tap and stuff her washing in my machine.

Progress