STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

Thanks for that Greenfinch. I also have seen the same thing as in autistic children being shunned because they are regarded as "odd" whereas children in wheelchairs are accepted. I am not sure where the solution lies. Children can be thoughtless and egocentric, but when they grow up to be thoughtless egocentric adults it is saddening. We are going to talk to the group leader to try and explain the problem, but as with children, you cannot force people to be more friendly. Time will tell what the outcome is.
I have suggested looking for something else to join, but he is not sporty, religious or political. U3A is out because of the receptive language problems. There are stroke clubs but the joy of his old organisation is that he was not defined by his condition [just ignored] So I shall just have to bite the bullet if he stands by his resignation. But at least we will have drawn attention to the lack of inclusivity! Thanks again for your support.

Just a rider on the bottle question. A certain ''comfortable'' fabric softener container makes a marvelous portable urinal. Wide neck, leak proof lid - and it retains its nice smell!

Keep us posted Purpledaffodil

I`m glad you are going to address the problem with the group leader Purpledaffodil along with Mr P and you never know just bringing it out into the open may help everyone. A lot of people simply do not know how to deal with situations which are life changing for others it`s a bit like a bereavement when a person will cross to the other side of the street rather than have to speak to the bereaved person.

Thanks for info Hunt will follow up.

Apart from nightmare journey home from friends in the country last week was enjoyable we had 2 outings for coffee with friends which did both of us good.

Hunt never thought of one of those! good idea! and as you say retains it's lovely smell.

We used to keep a urinal by the bed as it saved my DH having to get up. Unfortunately his second hand kidney didn't know night from day, so he needed to go during the night as often as. During the day.
We had them on our boat as well, where we referred to them as the 'en suite facilities!'

Great idea Hunt. And it would not look that unlikely kept in the car either. Just a bit of forgotten shopping. Glad you are getting out and about Sparkygran. I know it makes such a difference to the carer to be social and it stops the stroke recoverer turning into a hermit which is a great temptation because it avoids potential awkwardness. We shall go forward fabric conditioner bottles at the ready!

Thought you might like to know about my ladies in-car facility! -a 2 litre icecream box complete with lid, a folded towel inside and the whole lot stored in a M & S small carrier. You pee into the box,the towel saves spills, it's easy to use, the lid means you can stow it away easily and the towel can be washed and used again. Invaluable for motor way jams!.

lol @ Galen love it Hunt talk about recycling

hunt you are a revelation

I hope that you have blinds for the windows Hunt.

I long ago worked out that if anyone is watching I'm never likely to see them again, Annsixty!

Aphasia is such a difficult disability - the slowness of communication and the patience required of the listener are not conducive to normal social intercourse, and parties and social gatherings are a nightmare.

I remember as a social worker, many people I was working alongside had this problem and the difficulty for me was getting all the work in for each day when one client would need so much time spent because of their communication problem. The last thing I wanted to do was to seem to be hurrying them. It was always very difficult.

How bad is his aphasia? You can acquire communication devices for use in social situations, but they do single you out as different and this may be the last thing he wants.

How disappointed you must be in this organisation for their lack of patience and sensitivity - I would be furious.

What a strange society we live in that only vales the fit and the beautiful and does not have the time for anything less.

Today I swept the DH off to local Mall and did he enjoy himself or did he not - YES he did. Purchases were made for 2 new woolly pulleys and a very striking shirt - in a previous existence it would have taken him at least 6-months to make up his mind and then of course the goods would have all gone.

We had lunch and he was just so happy it did my heart good.

Perhaps there is life after stroke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight I am feeling happy

Sparkygran. There is life after stroke!

My son had a stroke 8 years ago and has a fulfilling life. He isn't always happy about things but he has lots going on in his life.

Lots more shopping experiences to look forward to.

So pleased to hear that Sparkygran. It is normality that we all crave after a stroke I think. It is good news that Mr S can enjoy an outing like that.
Well ladies, we have spoken to the powers that be of Mr Purple's club. They were so surprised that he had felt excluded although I don't think they are any more aware of the problems of aphasia.
He is going to give it another go and hopefully things will improve. Sadly though it is a bit like when your child says that nobody wanted to play with them in the playground. You cannot insist on people being friendly. Especially when the people are middle aged/ elderly gentlemen who are rather set in their ways. Time will tell and I at least have my Monday evenings back for a while

Mishap you are so understanding. Mr Purple's problem is really that he sounds too good. A speech therapist told me he is a fluent aphasic which means that he does not sound robotic like many do. However his use of pronouns is quite cavalier, he has lost a lot of his words and has to substitute phrases eg kangaroo land for Australia and the magic roundabout for the M25. His understanding is very poor to which means that I never embark on small talk because he cannot cope with random thoughts.
Social gatherings are very tricky as you say. Even family gatherings can be fraught because we all talk at once and he gets very frustrated and either withdraws in a mood or stops the conversation with a lecture on something we spoke about two minutes before or something else entirely because he misunderstood.
Oh how we wish he'd had a heart attack instead!

My husband's aphasia meant that he always sounded drunk, slurring his speech and speaking very slowly. As he was also incontinent and could not walk far, we used to spend a lot of time in pubs when we lived in York!
Look for the good things.

Now that is looking on the bright side of Life Durhamjen. Mr Purple was involved in a training course for young police officers a couple of times to show them that slurred or unusual speech does not necessarily equal drugs, alcohol or mental health problems. Sadly it got stopped because of funding problems.

So glad to hear from you Purpledaffodil and can only hope that you and Mr D have lit a candle in the club and they will be more aware of the difficulties of people who have suffered a stroke. Sending your way.

Purpledaffodil have never heard the term fluent aphasic that sounds exactly like Mr S he can go all around the houses to until he finds a way around the loss of words and communicate - am I ok in feeling that this ok?

We have a challenge this weekend as it`s his birthday next Monday and family gathering on Sunday to celebrate so wish us luck - grandkids are really good and give him time just hope he doesn`t feel lost as when as you all know always happens everybody is talking at once.

Durhamjen good on you both for frequenting the pub its as good a place as anywhere to enjoy being out

Today DH attended his first "conversation group" it was a glorious sunny day and I delivered him on time and then had 2 glorious hours to myself - sadly spent it shopping - when we got home he was able albeit all around the houses able to fill me in on his afternoon which I deemed to be a success but DH not quite so sure " 2 others were much better than me" and one of them is back DRIVING tried to reassure him that they had been attending Group for longer than him and in 6-months time hopefully he will be able to say the same so to cut a long story short he is willing to go back.

Is this the norm that everybody else is doing better than me?

Sparkygran that is good news! don't worry about lack of confidence, it does return! Have sent pm with more detail! Enjoy your family gathering. Might be useful to give him a quiet space to escape to. Communication at this early stage is very tiring. to you and a happy birthday to Mr S!

Just to keep you in the loop a very successful birthday party for DH the family all weighed in along with uncle, great uncle, great great uncle, Gordon was in good form and filled us all in on his long road trip with his friend coping with all sorts of nightmarish traffic problems.

The grandchild all made him great birthday cards and hand-made presents he was so thrilled.

Now for the icing on the cake tomorrow the actual day of the big event I am sweeping him off for a bit of light shopping to "Lakeland" and then out for lunch - I know how to give a man a good time!

That is excellent Sparkygran! Have been away and only just saw this, sorry.
If he can really enjoy a social event like this, even with family, then he is doing very well indeed. There is certainly light at the end of your tunnel.

Are you sitting comfortably I shall begin. Today we were going out for lunch with friends to a lovely seaside restaurant about 20 miles away. I`m up to scratch with toileting but as we crossed the car park at our apartment to meet friends the DH falls flat on his face! This is a man who before his stroke was never know for moving that quickly since his stroke rushes everywhere a neighbour in his car politely waited until our friends and myself picked him up, dusted him off and deposited him in their car. So far so good didn`t know that female friend suffered from motion sickness and she had to join me in the back seat as DH had to sit up front - just an added problem - anyway we arrived at restaurant and I had completely forgotten that there are numerous steps or a long and winding path up to the door. DH is game enough but obviously in a state of shock but eventually we arrived in. I had booked a window table with glorious view - it was another 8 steps - just couldn`t be done so we settled for a table in a dark corner that nobody wanted we settled in and lunch was delicious and lovely waitress told us we could exit by a back door with no steps and the car could be brought up to it so that relaxed us all.

However when we left some b-----d had parked right up to the door so DH had to walk a little way all in all was it worth it? I will say yes life has to go on and I need to socialise with friends as does DH I will have to say that the female of the friends who was with us today was so huggy, feely to DH in her solicitiousness (probably no such word) I saw he was ready to explode and in all honesty I could have slapped her. Does that make me a bad person?

Just needed to get rid of all of above