STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

Well done, Sparky. At least you got there and enjoyed it. My husband was always falling over. He used me as a walking stick until he had to go in a wheelchair. In a few months time you'll be laughing about it.

I hope you`re right durhamjen it has just reminded me that a few days before DH had his stroke I had an op for Carpal Tunnel Syndrome anyway 3 months later wasn`t happy palm was still swollen and hard went back for checkup and told nice surgeon my concerns and his answer was quote "have you still got the symptoms that you came to me with originally" me "oh no they went immediately him "then I consider that a success".

So today`s expedition was a success we did get there and enjoyed it - you have made me feel much better. Thanks

Purpledaffodil nice to have you back you will see from my last post the what started off as a disaster ended up ok. Am currently imbibing of yet another glass of the red stuff - so glad my children aren`t reading this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Sparkygran. Just been on a school trip with 50 10 year olds! Piece of cake compared with 1 aphasic 67 year old . I really admire your 'can do' attitude. You are so right that life needs to go on and I think it is so good for the stroke recoverer to be with sympathetic old friends. Sympathetic as in understanding of course, not too huggy feely as your friend was! It Also makes a difference if you can share the load a little. Otherwise you end up resentful and feeling like the walls are closing in. I have been there! Even if your restaurant trip was more eventful than you would have wished, at least you did it and enjoyed the experience, mainly.

Mr Purple's club, the subject of previous posts, have been so much better in including him, that I am pleased he took a stand against being left out and also that he decided to give it another go. I don't know if they have a rota for chatting to him, but frankly I don't care. He feels included and that is what is important.

Dear*Purpledaff*so glad to hear that I so agree that what odds if they are taking turns it means that something they never thought about has been taken seriously also good to have you back you have the heart of a lion to take on a school trip with 50 10 year-olds.

Following the fall last weekend I spoke to his GP and he said and I quote "I suppose someone should see him" thanks a bunch anyway we are going tomorrow morning. Mr S feels he wants a walking aid for outside and although I am of 2 minds I can see where he is coming from - it would give him more confidence when going out so we`ll see what transpires and then I`m whisking him off to Tesco`s saw a recepit in the Radio Times for a lentil based meal and we both love lentils so determined to try it.

Keep in touch I feel we have so much in common.

Good luck with your GP Sparkygran. You are the people with the strongest interest in this and sadly if you don't fight your corner, no one else will. If DH wants a walking aid, I should go with the flow for now. Better getting out with one, than worrying about over balancing and staying at home isn't it? Mr P used to go up to London a couple of years ago to be part of a university research program on aphasia and he had a strange shooting stick type walking stick with feet at the bottom to balance on when waiting for trains etc. it was useful at the time, but he hasn't used it since.
I do admire your enthusiasm and positive attitude. It must help your DH a lot. Please do PM me if I can help ? and to you

This morning went really well Purpledaffodil GP came out of his surgery to observe DH walking down the corridor and he certainly felt he was doing well. We discussed aphasia and he used a phrase (which of course I now can`t) remember but it meant that if given choices DH was able to communicate what he wants but isn`t able to ask himself if he needs or wants something. That is just a simplified eg but I understood exactly what he meant. He wrote a referral letter when we were there asking for a re-assessment re a walking aid and also for more physio.

They also said as he was there it was a good opportunity to take various bloods so we both left feeling we had achieved something.

Didn`t go shopping afterwards a DH was a bit exhausted with the visit.

That is really good positive news Sparkygran. So glad you are getting what you need. Is the phrase to do with expressive and receptive language? Mr P is usually able to communicate his needs albeit with strange circumlocutions, but finds it very hard to understand things which are not in immediate context. He cannot do or follow small talk at all and will often fasten onto a familiar word and totally misunderstand what I have said. In the mornings he watches the BBC news at least three times and then tells me his version which may well be wrong. Doesn't stop him having an opinion though
As I have said before take every bit of therapy and assessment which is offered as it doesn't last for long! Good luck and thanks for the update

Hello everybody we are keeping on top of stroke - I think - social activities (which he isn`t that keen on - is this a symptom but I have to admit he never was that keen) DH`s lifelong friend phoned yesterday to ask DH to go out for coffee and he threw a tantrum - threw his stick and made unpleasant noises gave him "THE LOOK" and passed over the phone and end result is next week friend will phone and they will arrange outing. Previously I was the one to organize and have to be honest here DH never really was into keeping up male friendships without me pushing him. Is this out of the ordinary? I am determined to keep going and told him off - am I the wife from hell???

I have followed this thread with interest, but not contributed as I have no experience of caring for a person who has had a stroke. However, Sparkygran I have just GOT to comment on your last remark - far from being the wife from hell I would have thought that the perfect wife would be a better description. Your sheer determination that your husband will get the most he can from his new life is just awe inspiring. I think you are doing a great job - Mr Sparky is lucky to have you fighting his corner

Hardly Sparkygran, you are a saint! In the seven years since Mr P had his first stroke we have met several men whose wives have upped and left them because they found living with a stroke recoverer so difficult. I would be less than honest if I didn't admit to envying those women at times ' In sickness and in health ' I know but to know that the rest of your life will be full of tantrums, cussedness and interpreting the strange words aphasics come up with, not to mention in my case doing all the reading and writing cos he can't do it for himself. Can be a bit overwhelming sometimes. Rant over.

Know just what you mean re socialising. Mr P has to be dragged kicking and screaming to any social event and I rarely accept invitations to parties because he cannot cope with noise and lots of people talking. He also finds reasons not to stay overnight with friends and relatives which means I have to drink very sparingly if at all and face much more driving in the day than I would rather do. However if the alternative is no social life at at all then NBO. So I think making Mr Sparky catch up with an old friend is very sensible. It's probably a lack of confidence thing deep down and it will be a confidence boost and a break for both of you. So there!

Totally agree ceesnan. I so admire Sparkygran for her positive attitude. Any illness brings it's own problems I know, but strokes cause such damage in unexpected ways and life is irrevocably changed. My husband will never be able to read, write, follow a conversation, walk very far or remember a lot of the important events of our life together. He has not been able to drive for a year and still has another six months to go following his fourth stroke and a seizure last year. And yet to look at him, you would think there was nothing wrong with him, he doesn't walk with a stick or hold his hand clenched or any of the other things we associate with a stroke. Every stroke is different because each tiny bit of the brain which gets damaged controls some tiny part of the person's ability or personality.

All of you are fabulous people and your support and confidence in me (which I don`t always feel) is tremendous. My DH can read but gets easily bored with it but he can`t write and I find this in particular so sad. Have any of you had to get Enduring Power of Attorney? I am his appointee for all Government Departments but don`t know if I should be going the whole hog and getting EPA any suggestions?

Purpledaff I think you are amazing having to go through 4 strokes and a seizure you go right to the top of the class and never forget a glass or 2

Hello everyone today is a very important day for Mr and Mrs S it` OUR GOLDEN WEDDING ANNIVERSARY and we are both going to rock and roll today. Can`t wait till 1.00 pm when DD will reveal her secret plans for the day. Just wanted to share with you all

I had an EPA for my husband, shared with my son who lives in the same village. Our other son would take over if anything happened to either me or my son.
It did come in useful when my husband could not write any more, and could not sign his name. It was also the case when the medical profession thought that he would not be able to remember what he had agreed to the next day.
Whenever we went to hospital appointments, I was always grateful when he had to go to see a doctor, and I could have time off, even if it was just sitting in the waiting room, knowing that someone else had taken responsibility for him. However, soon I had to go everywhere with him, except into the scanner.

Sorry, forgot to add congratulations.

Congratulations Sparkygran and Mr S too of course. By now the secrets will be revealed and I hope you have both had a great day to remember.

I have done EPAs for us both. I mentioned on another thread that they are very easy to do online now and you can do one for him and one for yourself keeping most of the details the same very easily. I didn't tell Mr P that his one includes me as an attorney but my one doesn't include him. It seemed a bit pointless as he lacks the literacy to carry out any tasks if my one was needed. It may be useful to know that they take about 9 weeks to become effective after you have registered them, so it is worth doing straight away. The Office of the Public Guardian had some bad press recently and I suspect they are being super careful now.

Interesting you should say that Durhamjen Although Mr P cannot write unaided, even birthday cards have to be modelled for him, he can still sign his name which has been very helpful. But in the future??? He is fine with writing electronically as he uses Dragon software which is speech to text, but you can't really do that with a birthday card

Thanks for kind words too Sparkygran Wasn't it Nietzsche who wrote "What doesn't break you makes you stronger"? I reckon us stroke recoverers wives who haven't run for the hills must be exceedingly strong by now!

Well the secret is out and enjoyed - a delightful day at a very plush hotel for gorgeous afternoon tea with champagne flowing. 11 of us there and DH coped very well (told me privately that he worries about making a fool of himself but he didn`t and if I thought he would I wouldn`t put him in that position) we are now home and he is relaxing with the football and me being me am enjoying champagne - well why not??

It really was the perfect day under the circumstances. Thanks for info re EPA I know I need to do it.

That sounds like an excellent and well considered treat. What a lovely family you have. Enjoy the fizz

Purple, it took a long time for my husband's to be set up, as we had to have people from different parts of the country to sign and date in the correct order, so by the time it had been registered and returned, he had already had an operation on his brain tumour. We had copies for the bank and the insurance companies and the financial adviser.
Illness certainly makes you concentrate your minds. He had been ill for 15 years before that, but the ataxia made us do things more quickly than we would have liked. Fortunately the timing worked out well, if that doesn't sound too awful to say.

Purpledaff it was and DD organised it beautifully DSs absence was missed by me but DH didn`t seem to notice and of course they have been in touch via telephone and FB Durhamjen thanks for your input will discuss with DH but think I should have EPA just because he can`t write and I know deep in my heart he never will be able to so just have to gird my loins and get on with it.

today went to local Church fair and met said DD and GC dispensed spending money (also to little friend - I couldn`t give GC something and not Emily) the sun was shining and I bought my favourite bramble jelly and fudge for DH then DDs friends were all there spread out in the sun and made me so welcome and all knew about yesterday`s extravaganza but after a while I felt for the first time in my life - old - so made an elegant exit.

I don`t want to overload you lovely GN friends but apart from DH`s stoke we have suffered 3 family bereavements in the last year 2 of which were extremely painful and today when my lovely auntie would have been with me and family plying children with goodies she wasn`t and because of what has happened to DH I have had no time to grieve for her (she died not long before DH had stroke and we were extremely close - she was my mother`s youngest sister hence there was only 10 years between us - so sorry for venting but you all seem to understand the inner workings of an oh so human being)

Am already on the red wine

Poor Sparkygran it sounds like you have really been through the mill recently. Amazed you stay so positive ! Isn't it surprising how something simple like a church fair can be such a great experience? I think part of it goes back to life being normal which is what we all crave after a lot of drama.

Those EPAs are very long winded I agree Durhamjen. Everything has to be done in the right order or they throw them back at you. Our eldest son was named as "a person to be told" and that meant documents going to Singapore and back. I think nine weeks is the minimum from what I have read. I only did the Financial one too, but now I wonder if I should have done the health one too. He has all the Do not resuscitate stuff in his medical records from previous strokes so not sure what difference the health EPA would make. Cheerful topic for a sunny Saturday isn't it?

sparky Enjoy the

Thanks for your support and encouragement Purpledaffodil and Lona today we are having a quiet day in even though the sun is shining we`re all socialised out and need to get ourselves ready for 2 hopefully glorious weeks of WIMBLEDON Good luck Andy

Purple, I never had the health EPA, either. He had filled in a living will which was acted on. I had to be in the room every time his health was discussed because they knew he would not be able to remember what they had said the next day. A health EPA was not necessary in those circumstances.