STROKE VICTIMS WIFE

I have a dear friend whose DH has never driven. She has always done the driving and even discouraged her children from learning until they were in their twenties. She just loves driving ! I wish I could be the same, but I really hate the responsibility of it.
Sparkygran I think you must forego your favourite tipple! much as it pains me to say so. Just think how abandoned you will feel,if they don't ask you again? And you can always give yourself a generous nightcap on your return! If not then taxis it must be and blow the expense. and yes early nights are very much part of Mr P's agenda too. Bed before ten and then up at 5 ish. He says it's because he doesn't sleep well at night, but seems to manage plenty of dozing in front of the TV.
to all of us who find themselves a reluctant chauffeuse!

I don't have a choice. During my marriage the driving - even towing the caravan - was equally shared. But for almost 30 years I have been my own driver and just say no to alcohol. Sorry - that sounds smug! I'm not. It would be nice to be driven but that's just not the way life has worked out.

Hi all back again with the news that today we have had no carers nor will we tomorrow. ok DH will not be shaved and will be washing himself as best he can with me in the background pulling my weight (emptying commode etc) but never mind all that it was lovely being just normal. Getting up when we felt like it (ok about 8.00am - I just can`t seem to lie in for any longer) but it was like grabbing back our old life and not living by others timetable.

That is brilliant news sparkygran! Normal is what everybody wants isn't it? How lovely to get your own lives back again. Does Mr Sparky have an electric razor? Although my DH preferred a wet shave, he found the electric razor much easier to use when his hand was weak. Still uses it on bad days too! and to you both.

Sparky and purpledaff my heart goes out to you as you have a mountain to climb I have become sole driver since DH's heart surgery 3 years ago. It is a pain I have to be available to take him and fetch him back from church or the doctor's and of course long journeys . Fortunately he is gradually being less of a back seat driver- the sharp intake of breath, clutching the door handle, telling me I am too close to the car in front etc. I have threatened to leave him in a lay by!!!

Thanks for responses Purpledaff and Terrafirma1 this morning was lovely even the sun is shining. Yes I bought him an electric razor but sadly he can`t use it but found myself eyeing him today and thinking maybe I should have a go and if I crack that one perhaps showering him will be the last obstacle left on the care front to conquer and then we could in gardening terms be "self-sufficient" but for the moment revelling in "normal" weekend

I'm so happy you are having a lovely, normal day today sparkygran. And respite for you is essential for your own mental and physical well-being. You and other GNers facing these troublesome challenges every day have my utmost respect and admiration. Venting here will help with the support you need. I'm sending hugs!

Thanks MariClaire (yonks ago we had neighbours with a girl called Marie-Claire and I have always loved the name - but I digress) As regards respite for myself I`m going to Barcelona in October with a close friend.

sparkygran .

Terrafirma1 how did you reach that blessed state of not having your driving remarked upon? I drove himself to the tip and then to collect his drugs today, a round trip of about 20 minutes. In that time he harangued me about speed limits, although I was doing 25 mph in a 30 zone to avoid this. I also had him shouting at me to watch out because a pedestrian had the gall to be on a pavement. Sharp intake of breath at every pothole and getting out of the tip was a nightmare as he was sure every other car was about to back into us. Yet strangely he is better on the M25. Usually confines himself to advising on lane changes and operating the GPS. Have told him I didn't sign up to be his personal chauffeuse, but makes no difference

Quite a lot of shouting and threats to leave him by the side of the road, purpledaff - also he has now had 2 1/2 - 3 years to get used to the idea so while it has been a painful transition, he now has the sense to keep his lips firmly zipped!

Am ready to cry DH and myself love watching tennis and the Toronto ATP is on currently and we watched "our" Andy win then on to another favourite Jo-Wilfried Tsonga win and then lo and behold he has disappeared off to change into his jammies (he goes to bed earlier and earlier) and as a parting shot I said are you coming back for the Djocovic/Monfils match which is up next and he said OH YES. Quietly weeping

Am in despair totally - we have a good weekend with steps forward just can`t update you because it just has faded into oblivion. My 83-year-old uncle was here for conversation and drinks and when meal was over I helped DH out of his chair but didn`t pay attention that his weak leg which I sorted out first but not the other leg anyway he fell and without help from uncle I could never have gotten him up. At the moment I feel absolutely devastated and DH is saying he`s ok but his face is telling a different story.

Oh sparky please don't beat yourself up. It was an accident and your DH will know that. You are doing a brilliant job caring for him and can only do your best. You are not Superwoman - well not quite! I am full of admiration for your positivity and cheerful acceptance of such a difficult time for the both of you. and !

Thank you Gaga I`m usually upbeat but tonight I felt like rubbish - took myself off for a lie down ie quiet time and am now going to watch tennis wanted to let our "kids" know and thankfully didn`t why spoil their Sunday night. Your support is much appreciated

Sparkygran. You are doing a great job. These things happen and you must not blame yourself. Mr Sparky could not have any quality of life without your support and I am sure he knows that and blesses the fact he has you to look after him so well. And tomorrow is another day! Xxxxx

((hugs)) to you and Hubby, you are marvellous, but things do happen sometimes, it is NOT your fault!

Just to let you all know I`m alive and kicking - was a wreck last Sunday but have picked myself up, dusted myself off and am out there giving it my best shot. The next morning DH greeted me with outstretched arms he knew I was so upset, we had a big hug and now its upwards and onwards.

However yesterday I had arranged for him to go out for coffee with an old friend of his but the weather was against us very wet and by the time I got him home he was a quivering wreck but am I deterred tomorrow we have friends coming in for coffee and chat and he will just have to put his best foot forward (that being his left foot - naughty me) and enjoy the morning.

to all you lovely GNetters

Back in the Doldrums have suddenly realised DH isn`t watching some of what used to be programmes he enjoyed and the word "avoidance" has sprung into my mind.

We always watched together Countdown (I know what you will all be thinking but we loved it) and Question of Sport which started this week and repeated tonight I let him know about it and he wasn`t interested and wouldn`t be shifted.

I`m sure in my mind that it`s because he`s conscious that he can no longer participate and is opting out.

Anyone been in the same situation and could I be right in my assumption?

It must be very hard to watch a programme that demands concentration and recall, both of them things that may not be working so well for him. I am sure he is happy for you to enjoy it.

You are doing a hard job there and need to gve yourslef a pat in the back now and again.

You will be thrilled to hear that is yet another joy of aphasia Sparkygran. As Mishap has said, any programme demanding concentration and recall is going to be difficult. Mr Purple watches the news on BBC for at least three cycles of it, then turns over to Sky News to fill in the gaps. Even then, he often has misunderstood items as I discover when receiving my morning lecture Fast moving quiz programmes do not offer the same chance of repetition and so I suspect it is like me watching a programme in French where I would need to have things repeated and explained. Not going to happen is it?
My OH now enjoys things like Saturday Morning Kitchen which has lots of visual clues and no need to think too much. Until recently he also had an Eastenders obsession but thankfully that has gone

You are both so right Mishap and Purpledaf I had hoped a few months ago that watching programmes like Countdown would maybe help him with letters, numbers and words but that sadly is not the case. Funnily enough Purpledaf Mr S also enjoys Saturday Morning Kitchen something he would never normally have watched so when I think about it his viewing and radio listening has changed. In the same vein he really enjoys reading the papers but books are too challenging to his concentration.

I`m thankful that his enjoyment in watching all sport has remained and that gives him great pleasure.

Somehow now I at times feel I am living alone as he is doing his own thing in another room and we meet for coffee/meals/family/friends that type of thing but large parts of the day we are not together. We used to make sure in the past that we went out together once a week in the good weather for a run in the car with lunch or into town where I shopped and he watched the world go by and then a good lunch that`s all but gone now - its just too much of an effort at times.

Thanks for listening family should be in this afternoon so chaos will reign and I`ll love every minute of it.

Yup! The parallel lives thing is familiar to me too. Possibly our relationship was different because we were both still working when he had his stroke. We had never built up that closeness that you and Mr Sparky obviously had/have.
Thinking of you

Yes I can identify with that - my OH has PD and he is getting progressively weaker. I am happy for him to do his own thing and live quietly while I am a bit more active - and he is happy for me to do that. The thing is to live in the moment and not hanker after how things were or what might have been if our partners had not become ill - there are good things in this new life and we need to rejoice in those and take each day as it really is and not how we had hoped it might be. I know that it is hard and some days I am not as good at it as others - but I forgive myself!

You are a wise woman Mishap. Living with PD is so hard as I have seen with a friend whose late husband had it. to you and also Sparkygran. I have had 7 years to get used to the effects of stroke, but I still have very down days. I think it is worse when I see friends of our age going off on holidays or just for walks together. But self pity and regret are very corrosive emotions and to be avoided I know. "Always look on the bright side of life dee dum etc"