I need to get over hating my ex-husband (sorry, long post!)!

Your feelings are very like those who find it painful when the other grandparents see more of the granchildren than they do, but at least you see plenty of yours, and you know that they love you. As you say, a lot of the angst is for the better life that your ex has led while you were scrimping. He could be a better grandfather than ever he was a father - it is a bit more hands-off!

It sounds as though you have everything going for you at the moment, and as the step-grandmother is a nice person, try to be pleased that your grandchildren have extra people in their lives. I know of a little boy who has two sets of real grandparents, plus a great-aunt and uncle who were stand-ins for a while, plus the mother of his birth father's new partner and the mother of his birth mother's new partner . . .(I think that is all)

They all adore him and spoil him!

Nonu, all my photos are set to be visible by friends only, I'm on top of my security settings!

I love Lidl too, nothing at all wrong with it - and it's our nearest supermarket.

fiorinda welcome. The only resource I know of that will possibly help you is blessing-counting. I've had a bit of a rough four years, different reasons to yours but difficult nevertheless. Counting my remaining blessings gets me through every day. It's a damn good antidote to bitterness too! Good luck.

PS. Aldi does it for me...

Hi there , LONA long time no see, how the devil are you?

Quite right Nonu, I love Lidl!

Do you really think it a good idea to post photo"s of your boys on facebook, plenty of weirdo"s out there, not something I would do !!

Fior nothing wrong with LIDL, may I say, better value !!"

I think your feelings are perfectly normal too, but the advice above is good. Don't let these bitter feelings spoil your life, count your blessings and be a happier and nicer person.
You've got lots of good things in your life now, so just make the best of it all.

Well - you can't move forwards if you spend the whole time looking backwards, and it sounds as though the future has lots more to recommend it than the past. So...he had lots of holidays and he didn't pull his weight financially, but it sounds as though you have life sussed now, so why not just enjoy it!

Money is not everything - you have survived - you have some things going for you that are more important than money - go enjoy!

Believe me, if you look on some of the threads here about grans who never get to see their grandchildren you will think yourself in seventh heaven!

Oh thank you so much ladies!! You've made me feel so much better! Just hearing others say that they'd feel the same is a big reassurance.

I do have Facebook, and I use it a lot and regularly post photos of the boys with me and with my fiance (who the 2.5 year old adores, the little one is only 8 weeks, he'll smile at anyone!). And you're so right, jinglbellsfrocks, it wasn't she who posted the comment! She's a sensible and reasonable woman, I'm sure she probably realises she has no reason to feel proud of my daughter's family.

I probably just need to concentrate on how good it is that she's nice, and that they do things for my daughter and help her out. Writing my post I sort of realised that a lot of the way I feel has to do with lingering bitterness over the way my ex-husband has continued to have his fortnights summer holiday and 2 short breaks every year, and lots of lovely meals out and trips away and shopping in Waitrose, while I'm at Lidl trying to stick to £50 a week to feed 2 people and getting into debt to go on a weeks holiday (he actually threatened to turn our son against me if I tried to go to court to get maintenance from him!!). But I do know that having money doesn't make you happy, because I was so miserable when I lived with him.

I know that I'm certainly the third most important adult in my older grandson's life (and will be in the younger one's when he is bigger) - he's never even been to stay with his granddad over night!

Yes, I need to concentrate on the happiness in my life now, and my lovely future, and try to forget about them. Maybe I need some kind of distractional and uplifting mantra to chant to myself when I find the bitter thoughts creeping in!

Thank you for letting me have a moan! x

I agree with all that good advice. Facebook is just a record of the life we want people to see. A bit like those awful round robin letters at Christmas. Photos are the worst bit. My account is full of people's holiday photos which is not what you want to see when you are at home doing the ironing! And these are people I like! Facebook stalking is irresistible, but we've all done it and wished we hadn't. If you cannot close your account, just make sure that you put some really loving, jolly family photos on it.

I think that, for a start you need to not go onto Facebook. Facebook isn't real; it's someones idea of reality through rose tinted glasses. People [as far as I know] don't put photos of themselves on Facebook when they're having a bad day/bad hair day. I only know this because, as someone that doesn't go on Facebook usually, I looked up an old friend on it and saw such an amazing photo of her on it it made me not want to make contact with her [I then saw a few photos that weren't quite as flattering which made me feel a bit better ]. No one is going to write on Facebook 'here's a man who neglected his child but now gushes over his grandchildren as if he'd been the perfect father and now grandfather'. fiorinda; what you feel is reasonable and it is rational [at least, if I was in your shoes I'd feel the same so I'm hoping that's correct]. Just don't torture yourself with it. And keep on having a good moan on here when you need to [I do it all the time]. It's great for getting things off your chest!

Keep us posted how you get on !

FIOR

Good luck, it seems that you may well need it

And remember that you have your wedding coming up. There are bound to be some pictures of you and your new DH with the two little boys. Put them up on facebook. Do your own bit of gushing.

You need to keep your end up.

Sorry, don't know any books or anything that might help, but I can understand how you feel. All I can suggest is that you concentrate on how happy you are with your 'now' partner, and remember that you still have a good relationship with your daughter, and get to see your grandsons weekly.

Bear in mind that it was someone else who posted that they looked proud of your grandchildren. She herself most likely realizes full well that she has no right to any pride in them.

Do you have a facebook account yourself? Could you have some pics of yourself with the boys taken on your weekly visits and put them up on your page? Just to remined them that you are the real gran and you too are proud of them (and with more reason).