Very Sad but I think Mum has decided enough's enough.

Such a difficult situation for you all. So easy for the rest of us to know what to do but when you are right in the middle of it it is so hard to think logically and impossible to do so without the emotional pressure. I suggest some deep breaths and just survive for the moment. Planning at this stage would seem pretty useless.

Oh Merlot that is unreasonable. No wonder you are angry. (((hugs)))

When Mum went to this home, one of the first task we were given was to fill in an 'End of life Plan' for her.

As there was no panic my brothers and I were given the time to talk about it between ourselves and also with the staff at the home. We reached agreement quite easily (well, I'm the eldest so they are used to being guided!). I was therefore confused when mum last had breathing problems that the same GP felt the need to check that we still felt the same.

Merlot, I'm glad you are not at odds with your brother, I've posted before about not being on good terms with my brothers for many years, and know how much we missed!

I hope your Mum can be left in peace now and be allowed to exercise her choice. It must be a very difficult time for you all - well apart from your wine drinking brother

How very difficult for you. Perhaps a family conference to decide how best to deal with this last phase of Mum's life and then you can all talk to the medics with the same aim in view. xxx

merlot

merlot Much the same thing happened to my dad, it makes your blood boil when staff are so lacking in common sense and compassion.
(((hugs)))

How awful for you all Merlot. Is there any chance your mother can be moved to a hospice where she can be made comfortable and her wishes respected? Both my parents died peacefully in our local hospice. The Liverpool Care Pathway for the dying was in place then and it meant they died with dignity and without pain. If I have the choice when my time comes, that would be my preference.

Thanks for your support everyone. I had to chuckle over Agus and kitty's posts. Don't worry. I have no intention of falling out with my brother (I just needed to let off steam) in fact he has already climbed down off his high horse but when I got home last night DD burst in through the back door like Desperate Dan looking for a cow pie! Apparently DB and DSIL had been giving her grief on facebook all night and she was like a pressure cooker about to go off!!

They'd been trying to contact me on my mobile and it hadn't occurred to them that I couldn't have it switched on/no signal anyway etc., etc. When DD asked them to check the number they were ringing they'd got the last two digits the wrong way round

My other brother's at the Borgueil Wine Festival.....Lucky chap.

Oh merlot how sad! and how I feel for you; if she wants to go the she should be allowed to do so in as dignified and calm a way as possible. Much love to you and your mum xxx

Oh merlot. Don't know what to say, except that you are one of the GNers I feel I know and by extension your mum and I'm so sorry you are both having to go through this.
I hope Addenbrookes lives up to its reputation for excellence and your mother has the care you want for her now. ((Hug))

It's the last thing you wanted to happen merlot but your brother is losing his mum too and in his own way, searching for a way he thinks will help your mum.

Emotions are high and you are tired, you are both upset but please don't let this cause a rift between you and your brother.

I hope this is the last of any more intrusion for your mum and she is left in peace as she wishes.

Take care of yourself too merlot

Oh merlot. How awful for you! Your brother probably couldn't see her suffer any more - don't fall out over it, please!

I hope your mum is calmer today!

(((Hugs)))

Oh boy! Nearly 1am and I'm just back from Addenbrookes hospital. This evening Mum's nursing home called an ambulance after my brother, despite my pleas to leave well alone, insisted she be rehydrated. Poor mum is now on a drip and I'll be back there first thing in the morning, holding her hand and trying to reassure her.

BLOODY INTERFERING STUPID IDIOT.

Tired and heading for bed.

Weekends aren't good in care homes I fear. When my mum was on her way the weekend nurse tried to give her whole paracetamol (they're apparently not allowed to crush pills) when she hadn't been able to chew anything for days. She should have been on liquid but her notes hadn't been changed and of course no doctor at weekends.

I feel for people who don't have relatives there to jump up and down and shout on their behalf. It's a good thing you're around Merlot.

Be strong, be brave. (((Hugs))) and strength vibes coming your way. - and a glass or two of to see you through.

This is entirely unacceptable - even at the weekend when agency staff are on duty, the management is still responsible. Do you have a contact for the organisation who runs this establishment or for the individual in charge? You really should contact them; this is too important for your poor Mum. Go over the heads of those who are making a pig's ear of things this weekend.

It is very tiresome when people go by one-off professional reports and forget to use their nouse.

What a trial for you all. I am with you in spirit. I have been there.

Just do not knw what to say- you must have been in bits when she made her 'statement'. Was going to write that it's great the staff are respecting her wishes and yours- not to be force-fed, etc.

I am just so sorry and yes hugs. Must say I would have called the Manager- and hope you do so if you are not satisfied with how your mum is looked after tomorrow. Her cry for help is heartbreaking. More hugs.

How awful. I wish I could give you some advice but I can't. You must be heartbroken. Just a ((((((((hug)))))) and gentle prayer for your mum.xx

I am so angry on your behalf merlot. Never mind the blasted notes, use their eyes and common sense. A frail old lady is so unlikely to be able to eat dried steak and kidney pie and I agree with your DH's sentiment. Unbelievable! I would never have condoned undue stress to a patient on the strength of another department's decision, which in this case, to my mind was wrong and I would have strongly objected.

Hope the staff are able to assure you that this was a one off unacceptable situation. ((((Hugs))))

Not a good day today. I think Do Not Go Gentle must have been written for poor Mum. She was very agitated and scared stiff when we got to the nursing home this morning. The usual staff were not on and the weekend agency nurse just couldn't cope. Mum's medication (mirtazapine at night) obviously needs tweaking to cope with her terrors but all the poor girl could do was 'make a note'

Despite the fact she's refusing food and drink they tried to feed her a dried up portion of steak and kidney pie with no gravy! When I mentioned the liquidised diet mum had been put on the nurse told me she had consulted the notes and apparently the Speech and Language therapist had assessed mum and considered her quite capable of eating a normal meal

This is quite plainly impossible and I suspect she was talking about the wrong patient but despite DH's comments about the S&L therapist talking out of her a**e the silly nurse wouldn't accept that mum cannot eat until she saw her pulling the food out of her mouth and throwing it at the wall!

This is normally a very good nursing home and up until now mum has been well cared for so I can only assume that things go pear shaped when they have to use agency staff at weekends.

I finally managed to calm mum down and get her to sleep but it's heartbreaking to hear her crying, 'I'm trying to go to Jesus but I'm doing it all wrong!'

Back again tomorrow

My sympathies go out to you having been in this position twice with my parents and they both knew when they wanted to slip away and both did when we had left them for a short break so they were all alone. Just remember all the good times and the memories you have, I hope my children will do the same for me x

this is such a difficult time, I prayed God would take my mum quickly when it was apparent she was at the end of this life. So sad to see the 'in charge' lady deteriorate to needing personal care, such a hard time for her (and us) . thought s are with you

It is times like these which make me think about the very special relationship between mothers and daughters. Hard to put it into words but I know I only truly appreciated my mum when I became a mum myself and saw my DD become a mum in turn. Thinking of you all

Sending you strength merlot

My sincere condolences merlot. I lost my mother recently in much the same way and as Gaga said it was a good way to go. She also waited for my sister to leave (after she had been there for 18 hours) - considerate to the last.

merlot not an easy time for you my dear - how sad.

I have never regretted condoning my mother's decision to stop eating. She had had enough and wanted to go quickly.

I realise now why she did everything to stay in her own home, because it gave her the opportunity to decide when she was ready to go.

I was criticised by some family members but I did what she wanted so ignored their comments and have no regrets.

My thoughts are with you.