DP and I don't cohabit due to distance and my son is still at secondary school.
We decided to keep this arrangement until my ds leaves school and will then reevaluate situation.
Dp is late 50's, I'll health but works very physically demanding job, 7 am-7pm.
Dp has 3 adult children. Son 22 and daughter 26 live with him.
His son is very immature as has learning difficulties. more like a young teen and is unreliable. Spends all night playing pc games, no work. Doesn't contribute financially. Daughter 26 works full time, doesn't contribute financially as is saving for a house of her own.
Both do nothing around the house despite being asked.
dp not happy with situation but has given up asking after years of getting nowhere.
Eldest daughter 30, lives locally now after splitting with exh for physical abuse. She has two kids; 3 and 6.
She constantly dumps the kids on anyone for days at a time, who will have them so she can spend time partying and going away with her new boyfriend who is, frankly, a user.
She never picks up the kids from school, leaving that to other family members as well. Often she won't even collect them later, just texts saying "can't come because (insert pathetic excuse here) so you'll have to feed them, sleep them over and take them to school tomorrow"
Her first port of call is my dp. If he's working away or unable she gets stroppy.
She then tries her sister, who also works fulltime. Then her gran who's nearly 80 and can't cope with her boys terrible behaviour. Her uncle has basically told her to stop putting on his mother and get proper child care.
Then she asks her brother who is totally incapable of looking after himself properly.
If he refuses she asks random 'friends' of hers or new boyfriend. Barely knows these people.
The grandkids are always dirty, inadequately clothed and hungry. They seem almost feral at times.
Everyone is hacked off with her but we don't want the grandkids foisted onto strangers or greatgrandmother.
The kids witnessed violence with their father and their behaviour is atrocious. Compounded by their mother neglecting them.
What do we do?
She listens to no-one but the kids suffer so dp ends up taking them but loses pay because of them.
Last week she decided to go on holiday abroad for a week and I had them at my house 40 miles away for the weekend because my dp had to work to make up hours he's lost babysitting!
It's obvious she doesn't want the kids to remind her of her abusive ex and now her new man is taking up her time she has no space for her kids.
My dp has considered taking them to live with him so at least they're looked after and have stability but he can't do that and work. Also the house is too small to have them.
Im too far away to be of any help during the week and now we rarely have the Saturday together because we're babysitting. We only get to see each other on the Saturday.
How can we help this woman to realise her responsibility as a mother.
Wits end really.
Any questions? Ask away. Typing on phone so sorry for errors
