Do all women get fed up with their husband's 'stuff'?(long)

You might get lucky. He might leave.

this made me laugh .. I wish. I'm in similar situation .62 full time working. partner of 15 years who is 64 and gets up at 5 comes back at 7 as a Private Hire taxi driver - wakes me up when he comes to bed, wakes me up in the morning when he goes out .. I love sleep. .. but because he's out of the house most of the time I also feel I shouldn't nag all the time about all the stuff he doesn't do ...
I'd bore myself anyway. He started explaining to me what "lichen" was last night .. I didn't ask him to .. Now I've got a permanent knot in my stomach of resentment. I've made my bed I know that now .. but I think I've changed and he hasn't ..

I have outside interests, and used to like his company - he's quite funny - or angry - but doesn't do "small talk" or any talk unless its politics .. but now realise I wont change him and I'm stuck with it unless I leave .. I lurch between feeling sorry for him and sorry for me .. we have a lovely flat with garden in central London. I have two cats. Lots to be grateful for .. but still the loneliness is killing .. he just told me to CHILLOUT because I was telling him about crap Virgin are (by text) .. while trying to stop them coming to an incorrect appt tomorrow morning. If I cry he calls it a "blubfest" .. sorry rant over .. sarahsweetshop struck a nerve

Sounds like DD2 thatbags.

At least if she lives in squalor now it is in her own place.
(Actually it was very tidy when we went to stay last year - how annoying!)

Teenagers.

They're a bit like toddlers really.

Talking of teenagers. I think they probably beat all unhelpful husbands hollow. Went into Minibags's room today to borrow an art pencil. Her two boxes of special artists' colour pencils were in a heap various heaps on the floor—like most of her other possessions; she uses the floor as her wardrobe too; the bed frame is on its side and the mattress is on the floor; you get the idea... me, I just shrug.Her mess, her problem. She wants to decorate the room. I've said I'll help once we can actually get at the walls. Maybe in a year or two??

Well, I gathered up the pencils while choosing the one I wanted (for marking things in a bryology book the paper of which is not suited to a highlighter pen, in case you wanted to know) and plonked them into one tin. Then I saw the slice of bread, thickly spread with Nutella, also on the floor. Guess which side was on the carpet.

Sigh.

When DD was a teenager her friend's mother used to sweep her children's stuff that was left lying around into bin bags and then 'fine' them from their pocket money if they wanted any items back.

They learnt to be very tidy, perhaps I should have done it with my DC.

You could throw all the stuff he leaves around into bin bags and see if he misses any of it.

I'm very much with Jingl

From now on whoever cooks, the other person clears up - properly or you don't cook and you buy yourself a ready meal or go out to the local hostelry, by yourself.

Insist a large bin bag every week is sent to the tip/charity shop/put on free cycle/etc. if this doesn't happen just sweep up a bin bagful yourself and tip it.

After all what can he do?

DD2's parents in law have a kitchen in the dining room because it was being thrown out by a neighbour!

I guess we are both hoarders, with me it's tools, DIY and model related stuff, anything that may have a use sometime in the next millenium.

Linda would not class herself as a hoarder, but, we have a large kitchen and every possible storage space and shelf is full of cooking related stuff, much of it never sees the light of day, but she "might need it someday" and wardrobe space, lets not go there. Her crafting stuff is under control atm, but it is growing daily, quote, "save those sweet wrappers, I might have a use for them" etc.

We are both hoarders but not to excess. His is mostly in the garage, mine is in cupboards in the house. He nags me to get rid of my art stuff, my craft stuff, too many clothes - but I might need them one day. He has a garage full of stuff that he 'acquires' from anyone and everyone who is throwing stuff away.
However, the house is (relatively) tidy, except when the DGC visit.

Just be thankful he does not volunteer to do the ironing. DH has done this since we were both working full-time and he has wrecked some of my things by ironing out the crinkles in crinkly clothes, burning lace etc etc despite pleas NOT to iron certain things. The latest was my one and only best dress last week.

However, despite a few arguments we seem to rub along OK, so it sounds to me as if there is a bit more going on there, sarahssweetshop - are you fed up with his annoying ways or fed up with him? I would say, however, that men in general do not 'see' what needs doing until you stop doing it.

I have a friend whose DH cannot miss a "bargain" as a result they have 9 wheelbarrows, 1 conservatory- never put up. 3 greenhouses not put up and 1 that is, a campervan never used, a boat - since sold. Tons of china. a "spare" central heating boiler. I could go on and on. So ladies think yourselves lucky!!!

No M oney in Car-boot sales , garage, or yard sales , the only people nowadays, who profit are dealers , who know what they are looking for !!

Have a garage sale or take it to a boot sale.

My DH had to put up with my stuff and untidy habits, however when he cleared up, which wasn't often, it was a case of shove it all under the stairs or behind the sofa! At least I went through everything methodically and put things in their right places when I had a clear up! I would quite like to be surrounded by his stuff now. I have become quite organised and tidy since he died

Janer, ANOTHER VIEWPOINT if they have all this stuff, might be worth some money .
You could put it on EBAY, when the time comes, as it will, as sure as night follows day.
Still that makes me sound quite mercenary,

Sounds horrendous Janerowena, let's hope you don't have to clear it out. It was horrendous clearing out my stepmothers house which was crammed with stuff , I can't remember how many trips to the dump and charity shop we did. We did manage to get a charity to come and pick up loads of stuff as well. It took days of work. I am a chucker outer and my OH is a hoarder, but I manage by insisting that he keeps all his stuff in his area: the garage, shed or study. No storage of stuff allowed in bedrooms, kitchen, living room. Anything left lying around will be chucked out or put in the garage or study for him to store somewhere. That way I get a calm minimalist living environment and he can store as much rubbish as he can cram into his area. He has improved I must say and did mange to throw away his university notes ( 45 years old) and some ancient paperbacks recently which were yellowing and unreadable. I have my own ( spare) bedroom for my sewing machine, clothes and books which I keep suitably tidy and in order.

I can't help but feel that the problems here are much deeper than the obvious. I'm sure we could all find things in our partners that annoy us from time to time. Most of us accept those annoyances and they do not become a problem as the good points outweigh the bad.

I beg you to try to find the positives in your relationship before you get too hung up on the negatives.

MiL is. They are downsizing soon. All their married life they have had to buy bigger and bigger houses to accommodate her various hobbies, more and more sheds. Now they can't cope with their huge house and garden, even with a gardener. FiL says that he is going to have to pay around £5000 a year just on a storage facilty because MiL gets tearful at the thought of parting with her stuff. She was teacher until she was 50 and she has kept every. single. item. that every child ever gave her - even though he can't remember who gave her what. A whol cabinet of photos from when she thought she might be a photographer. An industrial papermaker. More seeds than Kew have in their cold store. (never managed to get a decent garden going in her life) Dressmaking stuff. Art materials - she is a pretty good artist, but has kept every single sketch ever. At least a ton of pencils. 3000 books (she counted) left after they had a big cull and donated the rest to the local library. Hundreds of cookery books and implements but is incapable of cooking from scratch. Several sets of china, ditto of cutlery. Many millions of ancient towels, duvets and so on - in fact they have three lofts, one is filled with shelving units full of bedding.

They have freezers and fridges in their massive garages. When they pile so many ancient cars into the garage that they can no longer get to the freezers at the back, they add to the chaos by buying more fridges and freezers. Her FB page this week advertises three freezers for sale. How they will get them out I cannot imagine, but I suppose it's a start - however I wouldn't want to be the first to open the door as I know for a fact that no-one could get to one five xmasses ago and we had to go without the brandy sauce that she had made months previously!

As for old clothes - everything since the 80s, I think and a few from the 70s. They have at least 8 wardrobes.

FiL collects organs, of the playing variety. He is leaving one up in a loft as a surprise present for the next owner. No small item, this. He collects wooden puzzles of amazing intricacy, and jigsaws. And trains, and railways.

With them as role models, it's not surprising that I have had the odd spat with DBH. Our first row was over an old board game that no-one ever played but he refused to let me clear it out. It has never been touched, in the 20 years we have been together, along with half a dozen others.

Yes; I'm a hoarder .

Does anyone know a woman who hoards stuff like this?
At our present home we have loads of space - barns etc plus house - which is slowly being filled with Eddie's stuff. He buys things for me too that I don't really need - mostly cooking and gardening machines.
I worry that when we have to leave here ( or one of us dies) our poor kids are going to have to sort it all out. And dispose of most of it.

My DH is rubbish at housework - the trouble is, so am I . I don't have a regular domestic routine, but I do have a tipping point when I can't bear it any more. I do, however, get irritated when he opens a drawer looking for something then absent mindedly wanders off, leaving it open. It isn't because he expects me to close it or to clear up after him, he can only seem to focus on one thing at a time. Are men really from Mars and women from Venus?

These posts have shown me that I am not alone! I feel better already.

In our house it's a case of "see a surface, put something on it" or "oh the floor has just been cleaned, I'll spill something on it'. I try to ignore all the niggles I really do because I'm sure I niggle DH too - although I think I'm pretty perfect really . There are times though when I just want to run away and play house on my own. I wonder if its because I'm an only child?

It sounds to me as if his hoarding is beyond the usual level, sarahsweetshop . Have you ever seen any of the TV programmes 'The Hoarder Next Door, with the psychologist Stelios Kiosses?

He considers most extreme hoarding and your DH sounds as if has arrived at, or is close to, being an extreme hoarder, is a symptom of mental illness, often depression. The link for his site and the programme is: stelioskiosses.com/page21/page2/index.html .

The NHS also taking hoarding seriously and the following link may be helpful www.nhs.uk/Conditions/hoarding/Pages/Introduction.aspx

If you lie down someone will walk all over you!.

I was once told, many years ago by a lovely gentleman at the Citizen's Advice Bureau, that if you are prepared to behave like a doormat, you shouldn't really be surprised when you are treated like one.

Depending on if you want to remain married (for whatever reasons are guiding you), state your needs clearly and calmly but letting your husband know that this can't go on.

I would strongly advise against just dumping any of his belongings - a friend of mine did that (after warning him that she would) and found that her husband retaliated by dumping a lot of her things. It could all get very unpleasant.

If you really can't live with it anymore, it maybe time to rethink your life with him regardless of other things.

I suppose it's a form of symbiosis, merlot, and if it works for them...