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Being Needy.

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Falconbird Mon 12-Jan-15 07:50:12

My mother was a widow for nearly 40 years and was very demanding and needy. I did all I could to help her but sometimes did resent it. I'm a widow now and have three sons and two daughter's in law. I try very hard to be self reliant etc., but I find it difficult to get the balance right. If you are too independent it can be construed as being cold, asking for help (computers etc.,) in my case - too needy. I would like to tell them that I sometimes feel inadequate, not well and so on, but rarely do this as they all have busy lives.
Any advice on getting the balance right. This is all new to me because when DH was alive we relied on each other.

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FarNorth Tue 13-Jan-15 19:37:05

My mother died very suddenly, at 68, and did not have a period of being frail or unable to cope.
I have realised recently, though, that she might have liked more help from me, during many years of her looking after my dad, who had Parkinson's.
At the time, I saw her as very capable and in charge of her own life and (thoughtlessly, I guess) did not think to offer help.
If she had said to me, in a matter of fact way, something like "I wondered if you could do such-and-such for me because whatever-reason." then I would have happily done it.

What I'm trying to get at here is that "being needy" seems to me to mean complaining, moaning, making unreasonable demands.
Simply stating a problem and asking for help with it, is not being needy and should get a reasonable response.

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