living alone

ethel I think you are panicking and I think that is not helping you.

You really need to let someone help - you said you don't want the Macmillan nurses but if you think other people are just being nosy then they would be the best people. Professional, used to dealing with people's problems and anxieties and certainly not there to 'gawp'!

Negativity is not going to help you get better.

I heard that when someone I know came out of hospital after a heart operation my friend (who was her neighbour) went to visit to see if she could do anything, shopping or lifts to hospital. My friend was a very kind person and didn't even tell me that she had done this.
However, I later heard that this woman had been going round a large group of our acquaintances saying that she thought my friend had just wanted to go into her house to be 'nosy'. I was very on behalf of my friend.

I'm afraid there are times when you just can't help some people.

I'm a befriender for Age concern. I hope they never send me to someone like Ethel.

petra I will be lovely to you, making you welcome!!!!

I imagine you get training petra?

All the training in the world can't make up for someone who thinks that you have an ulterior motive for offering help. It is like trying to rescue an animal and being kicked and scratched.

Charley. I think Harrows a bit too far from Southend.:-)

Soontobe. You don't get training as such, but it's a very Indepth interview.
I think that working with old people and supporting adults with learning difficulties went a long way.

Hello petra - Southend was one of my old stamping grounds when I was young. We lived in Hadleigh then and all my music lessons and other activities took place in Southend - how many hours must I have spent on that bus!?

When I was a teenager I worked in the holidays in Rossi's Ice Cream Parlour - I remember the Italian men there pinching my bottom! - is it still there? - Rossi's not my bottom!

Is the bowling alley still there? I am presuming that the pier is.

I have not been back for years, and am reliably informed that Hadleigh, which was a large village when I was small, is now more of a road junction than anything else.

Hello Mishap. Sadly, the bowling ally burnt down. They have one in the Kursal. You wouldn't recognise the pier head now or the sea front.
I don't know how old you are but in my day, if you bowled all night you got a free breakfast.
It's funny that you should mention music. Southend still has a very vibrant and varied music scene.
As for Hadliegh, it's a bit more than a road junction. They put a huge amount of money in when the Olympics were on. The cycle track was there. Beautiful area.
Rossi's just goes from strength to strength. It is busy all the week and at weekends you would be lucky to get a seat. They have a seating area at the side now. The DGC love their hot chocolate.

You didn't have to PM me, Ethel. You could have put the message on an open forum, I wouldn't have minded. :-)

petra I agree, Southend is probably too far!

Fascinating that Rossi's is still there - I lived in the area when I was very young (3 - 16) and I am 66 now, so it was while ago - is it still run by Italians or did they sell it on?

Glad that Hadleigh is looking good. That is great to know.

Good to hear news of the old place - thank you.

Yes, Mishap, the Italians still run it.

Are 'we' perhaps digressing here?

From what, granjura?

Advice has been given, as asked for in the OP, and I don't think ethel has any more to say on the subject.

Don't worry, does not bother me in the least. But why not open another thread for Southend reminiscences? Perhaps.

Oh yes...I do see what you mean, granjura!

A rare occurence, hurrah ;)

Sorry ladies and gents - I digressed!

Poor ethel. Not everyone finds other people easy. Suddenly having to deal with strangers at such a time of stress could make things 10 times harder. Under these circumstances it's perhaps not surprising that people may come up with ideas or coping strategies that may seem odd to others. Wad ethel thinking aloud when posting? Hoping to have a safe audience? Don't know. I do think she's genuine though

Nice post jane10.

I think you could jog along quite happily coping with life's ups and downs on your own, content with your nuclear family, then when something like this hits you, you start to wonder if you were right not to let people become closer.
Musing on here, wondering about what to do and expressing thoughts you would not even say to your nearest and dearest.
And likewise, perhaps some posters say things on here that they would not say to your face however exasperated they felt with someone's self-doubts.

I'm in much the same position, I have led a solitary life (Asperger's, I think), but now my health is failing. Apart from anything else, it's put paid to the activities that I filled my time with. Last year when I had my colonoscopy, I was supposed to have someone to babysit me for 24 hours afterwards, but I just told them there was someone, and came home alone.

By the time we get older we have probably visited a lot of sick people and also lonely and frightened people but in all my time as a nurse and caring for relatives I have never had a one that bit the hand that fed it. Ethelt you are in danger of alienating yourself from every source of help and that is not a good place to be.

I could be wrong but a distant memory tells me that ethel said that she used to be a nurse.

crun that is exactly the sort of thing that I would do.

Another memory tells me that ethel has a difficult relationship with her mother. Perhaps that is why she has put up barriers, as a defence mechanism.
ethel if you don't want a friend then let the professionals help you. Because that is what they are, professional. They are not going to nose or gossip and this is what they deal with every day.