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Can't know the truth - feeling gobsmacked

(37 Posts)
NittWitt Fri 23-Jan-15 19:45:04

I don't think there's any real solution to this but I just wanted to tell someone else and also try to get it clearer in my own mind.

My daughter is 30 years old and is an M.E. sufferer, which causes various symptoms and limits her life quite a bit.. She rented a flat on her own for a few years but has been back living with me for the last 3 years. We have had rocky times in the past but get on okay now.
She has had a few boyfriends over the years, but nothing lasting and I know she has felt quite lonely.
In the last few weeks DD has become friendly with a guy of similar age, whom she met at an art class. He is now her boyfriend and she stayed at his place (a flat shared with friends) for a couple of days then he stayed with us last weekend.
That was the first of me getting to know the BF and he seemed a very nice guy. Then, on Monday, he told me that he is awaiting a court case for having unsuitable images on his computer. He said they must have been downloaded by a friend or acquaintance in the house he lived in at the time (not the flat he now has) as he often let other people use his laptop.
He was clearly very nervous about telling me this and was worried about how I might react.
I was completely gobsmacked and said something to the effect that I certainly wasn't going to shout at him or anything as DD is free to be with whoever she wants without my say-so.
My DD joined the conversation and she had known about this for a couple of days. She was a bit upset that what had appeared to be a lovely boyfriend and a happy relationship, unlike some of them, had turned out to have this terrible problem.
We then had some general conversation before I went to bed, leaving them together.
On Tuesday I left early for work and when I got back, they had gone. DD has been staying with BF since then. I have had a text from her and also happened to meet them out shopping. She seemed happy, as far as I could tell.
I am sure that DD has not cut herself off from me but is just enjoying her new relationship. I would be happy about that if it was not for the news the BF gave me.
Obviously if he is telling the truth, he deserves all the support he can get. Also obviously I, and DD, have no way of knowing what the truth is.

As I said, I don't think there's any solution to this, but thanks for reading this long post.

Iam64 Sun 01-Feb-15 12:54:09

I may be a cynic here, but I suspect Wifi bandits are the least of this young man's problems. I don't know anyone who had imagines of child abuse pop onto the computer out of no where - does anyone else? I remember Pete Townsend claiming he was only looking at it as "research". Gary Glitter/Paul Gadd is in court at the moment, denying various allegations of sexual abuse of girls. He has to admit to previously having images of child sexual abuse on his computer in the past, because he is already convicted of that. He's now saying he only looked at because he was "in a dark place" - that's ok then angry

loopylou Sun 01-Feb-15 13:00:15

I agree Iam64, I can't imagine any way he could have 'accidentally' downloaded pictures of child abuse.
There always seem to be implausible excuses from these sickening individuals.

Mishap Sun 01-Feb-15 13:02:41

It does seem odd.

Mind you my OH needed a new vice for his tool bench and typed in "vice" on his computer. Hmmm.

Iam64 Sun 01-Feb-15 13:19:59

LOL Mishap, hopefully, he won't use that phrase on its own again. I had a similar experience when I googled for information about having hens/chickens free ranging in my garden. Needless to say, I quickly became more savvy about which phrases were safe to use.

rosequartz Sun 01-Feb-15 13:26:21

I remember when DD's friend emailed pictures of her newborn baby which she had had made into a slideshow using some firm or other. When I opened the link I got a porn video instead! shock her MIL got the same, so someone had hijacked it.
We alerted her and she dealt with it immediately.
It was not child porn thank goodness, more 'obese' porn but a shock!

loopylou Sun 01-Feb-15 13:30:04

That's just so sick shock
Does make you wonder about protecting your own photos of children, grandchildren etc....

rosequartz Sun 01-Feb-15 13:35:04

Yes, it was revolting. It does worry me when their photos are put on FB etc.
This, however, was in an email attachment - and we had Norton or something similar installed.
We have upped the security since.

NittWitt Tue 19-May-15 18:03:38

I thought I'd give you an update.
The court case has happened, the guy was found not guilty of possessing the pictures as the jury accepted his defence that other people used the computer.
It was only a brief report in the paper so of course I don't know what evidence there was on each side.

But he was found guilty of harrassing a woman by setting up a facebook page in a false name and sending her distressing, sexually explicit messages.
(something DD and I had heard nothing about before this.)
He'll be sentenced after background reports.

I'm so glad that DD dumped him when she did and wasn't still being loyal to him when that information came out.

loopylou Tue 19-May-15 18:13:50

You must be highly relieved it's all over NittWitt, hideous situation for you both, and his poor victim.

Clearly there was much more going on than that which you were aware of.

Best wishes to you and your DD, x

vampirequeen Wed 20-May-15 07:25:34

Thank goodness your DD didn't stay with him.

Nelliemoser Wed 20-May-15 07:42:07

"Someone else must have put them on" is what they all say that about the illegal images on their computers.

Operation "ore" several years ago caught all sort and status of people who had downloaded illegal images and were caught out by their credit card details on sites where they paid to view this stuff.

It's not want you want your childrens partners to do. I hope she stays away from him. A lucky escape I think Nitwitt