Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 4

I think I've caused confusion. Sorry. I've name changed from Gabrielle as that could possibly cause me problems. Mind you how much bloody worse can it get?

Drat! Just lost a big log post

Just testing

How odd!

Sorry testing again

No problem posting when I haven't written anything

Oooops. Maybe I broke it with my long post.

Just sitting waiting for my ND to arrive and then we are going 'walkies', I'd like to go by the sea, but it may be too cold for baby.

I wrote a long post to you Heaven saying you are not superwomen, you can't do it all, your first priority is your other too C with their health probs. If you had kept going as you were, you would have ended up having a breakdown, and then you would be no good to help anyone! Surely your D could see that When your D is older I would think she will realise just how much you did for her and how much you had to deal with!

I managed to keep pushing thoughts of my beloveds out of my mind last night and had a more peaceful sleep. I've kept off the FB forum, since before Xmas and think it has quieten my mind, they have 1,600 members! so many heart breaking stories! I believe I've turned a bit of a corner after this fourth Xmas of estrangement, feel better able to cope with the grieving, as that's what it is grieving

Hope your cold has improved for the better Celebgran

Smileless enjoy your flight home...what do you mean you've missed the flight

tonight girls, well it is Friday

Yoga - enjoy your walk. I agree with you regarding the priorities. I'd like to think at some point dd will see things more clearly. She's almost 30 now. Time for her to mature, I think.

I think I will go pop a bottle of in the fridge so I can enjoy a glass tonight.

Yogagirl is absolutely right Heavenknows, you have to get your priorities in order and as you have two other children who need extra care and attention you have to make sure you're emotionally and physically strong enough to be there for them.

I do hope that you have managed to turn an emotional corner since Christmas Yogagirl. I do believe that that time comes for us all eventually and when it does the long and slow healing process can really begin.

Funny you should mention our flight home, that allergic reaction
Mr. S. had when we first arrived, that flared up again about a week later but not as bad, happened again last night but much worse. DS has taken him to have it checked out before we fly home today. I'm all packed and am sure there wont be a problem but don't want to take any chances. We have a 7 hour flight to Hong Kong before changing planes for the 12 hour flight to the UK and if we're going to get stranded, better here in Oz than in Hong Kong; I'll keep you all posted.

Had a chat and lots of hugs from DS last night, tried sooo hard not to cry and yes, you've guessed it, failed miserably. He said there was something he wanted me to never forget, that he wasn't like his brother and would never, ever do to us what he's done. Then lovely d.i.l. said "why you don't come again for this Christmas". I asked if she was sure and she said she loved us being here, the only problem is it makes her miss her mum, dad and sister even more but they're coming in November so yes, another Christmas in Oz to look forward too.

I tried a few times to post yesterday but it wouldn't go through, there must have been some sort of a glitch.

Hope you're feeling a little better Celebgran and that you've arrived safely in Florida Rhinestone.

Think of me hugging my DS in about 6 hours time when we say 'goodbye' oh dear, it's going to be so awful, I'm dreading it, simply dreading it.

Mr. S. and DS have just returned and he's OK to fly. We had prawns last night, one of his favourite, but he's been told never to eat them again as the next time it could be really serious .

Hope you enjoyed your wine Heaven my ND stayed for dinner, so I opened a bottle of pink bubbly, like your name it was Heaven

How nice your Son and d.i.l are, does her family live in UK too? Sorry to hear about Mr.S, I love prawns too, but quite often avoid them as if you are going to get ill from something you eat, prawns are top of the list! Hope you enjoy your flight back and that your farewells are not too painful

Bad night again last night, just couldn't stop my thoughts of my estD & GC, Jenni-Ann's dad, that left us when Jenni was just 3yrs and has never bothered himself with our C, after the first year he saw the C about 3 times per year, never paid maintenance, I still let him see the C as I just couldn't be so cruel in stopping visits, he now see's them once every 3yrs or so, as he lives in Indonesia. My ND said the visits where all about him talking about himself, he never asked about what the C were doing with their lives and when in a restaurant with football on the TV, he just sat watching that and didn't talk to the C at all! Jenni in particular never wanted anything to do with him, not encourage by me either, I would say 'he's still your dad, you can love him'

ND thinks her aunt, my prev. sis.i.l, that we saw a few times over Xmas and before hand, must have told C dad [her B] to get in contact, so ND got an email, saying my Laila & Jack got an ipad for Xmas and they both sent him an happy Xmas message! not sure if it was video, but to hear that really hurt! Of course it's nasty that made contact with him and now this big pretence of him being the 'super granddad' which he is lapping up, hence all that nasty hate mail I received last year! Strange how when my estD & nasty got married, which I paid for and arranged, nasty said to me ''If he dares come to our wedding, I'll knock him out!''

Rosyglow, thanks for cluing us in!

Heaven, I totally agree about priorities. I know it must be hard to sort them all out, though, and I applaud you for being able to do so.

Smileless, so sorry to hear about Mr. S' allergic reaction and flare up! Hope all has been ok after that! How beautiful that you had such a lovely time with your DS and DIL in Oz and that they've invited you back again! I'm glad DIL was honest about her concerns - so very understandable and clearly, not standing in the way of future visits.

Yoga. it's good to see that you have such an enjoyable relationship with ND. I'm not sure what the "N" stands for though and can't find it in the acronym list here. Can you explain? Also, I'm not sure who "Jenni-Ann" is - ND, estD or someone else? Perhaps it's cuz I'm still fairly new here but again, please clear this up for me. Thank you.

Meanwhile, I'm sorry thoughts of estD, GC and your X filled your head last night. I hope that doesn't happen too often. (((Hugs!)))

Trust me, my priorities are well in order. That's pretty much why dd is estranged. Because I have to make the younger two a priority due to their needs, and she doesn't understand that. At least when she is NC, I'm not wondering if she is going to take offence at everything anybody says around here. It actually makes things less stressful.

Wendysue think N for nice, from what I interpret anyway.

Interesting perspective, heavenknows! I can definitely see how estrangement makes life easier in some cases.

"N for nice?" That makes sense, halfgran! Thank you!

Yes Wendysue N is for Nice daughter and Jenni-Ann is my estD, maybe we need our own list of abbreviations Unfortunately thoughts of my estD&GC never stop, not too bad now during the day, but when my head hits the pillow at night , during the night I wake and first thing in the morning, the thoughts come thick and fast but not like when I was first 'cut out', I just didn't sleep or eat for a whole year! Taking natural mood enhancers & night Kalms' helped a great deal, still on them now.
I watched that doc. film 'Amy' last night, she was so close to her grandmother and was shattered when her grandma died, Laila & I had such a special bond, we would have been sooo close, the bond is still in place on my side but Laila won't even know who I am now and although if we reunited my bond would jump back into place, Laila's wouldn't, so I hate to think that special bond has gone forever Why, How, can this bring my estD happiness [?]my estD and I were very close too, before all this

Wendysue I guess that sounds pretty bad, doesn't it? Obviously, I'd rather return to the close happy relationship we used to have, but clearly she is not interested in that at the moment. With everything else I have going on right now, I simply cannot spend an exorbitant amount of time walking on eggshells, worrying that I'm either giving her too much attention or not enough attention, making sure she doesn't treat my other children badly when we see each other, and as far as I'm concerned, I shouldn't have to.

When she is ready to act like an adult, I'm here. She knows this. I've stepped up and helped her, despite her dreadful behaviour recently. I'm not being petty or horrible to her. I'm polite if I see her in town. But I am not going to apologise for expecting her to be civil and behave like an adult. I'd like to think at some point, she will grow up and realise this.

I miss her and my dgs, but how is it a healthy relationship when she can treat us dreadfully and expects us to jump when she snaps her fingers? It isn't, and I can't pander to that. So that's where we are right now.

Thanks for clarifying about the acronym and the name, Yoga!

I'm so deeply sorry about the way this estrangement has affected you though I'm glad it's not as bad as it once was. Beyond that, I have no words...

Heavenknows - I hear you!

Heavenknows, sorry about your estrangement with your daughter, she sounds quite young, so perhaps in time she will realise how much you did for her. I cannot understand how you did all that care with two disabled children, that really is over and above what most people could attempt. I just hope you have some one one that can take the strain a little as you never get time off from that sort of responsibility. I too am estranged from my daughter and it's been so long coming there isn't much hope for me, but in you daughters situation she sounds as if she has a lot of growing up to do, she needs to realise that the vast majority of mothers could never have helped her like you have and really hope she comes to appreciate the special person you are. Sometimes our children expect us to be superwoman and cope with just about anything and get upset when we can't.

Hi Everyone- We made it to Florida but it wasn't without another crisis. Mom got really bad the night after we left and was hearing voices and thought the government had bordered up her house. She got lost but luckily answered her phone. A nice man near her in the restaurant told us where she was so my DD could pick her up. The doctor put her in the hospital psych ward. What a nightmare for my DD. She spent 7 hours at the hospital until 5 in the morning before they said my DD could leave. Mom was acting up with her mania so badly they had to have security.
And if that wasn't enough there was a picture on Instagram of my SD at Aiden's party that neither us or my DD and GC got invited to. So my theory was correct. My ESS didn't invite my DD because she would have told us that her stepsister was there. And my SD had told us she had no time for anyone because they were in town to attend her signify the other's father's funeral , visit the lawyer and clean out the house. No time for her father in four days? She wouldn't let us come to the memorial or stop by and pay our respects. This all disgusts me.

Hi everyone yes there was a glitch smileless t I got fed up people sting before went away for weekend.
O dear I wanted to say what lovley dr I saw last Thursday an elderly Indian locum but so kind and helpful he really helped explained about using nasal spray and even gave me antibiotics InCase didn't pick up after weekend!

Had go see my normal dr this evening after rushing Gra over to opticians his glasses went wrong costing came off ?! When we were in swim pool oh dear so had be sent off trouble was he didn't have spare pair I said wanted test done as at £5000 or don't expect them keep going wrong, not five minutes since frames broke !??. Lucky was helpful manageress we know said could have been chlorine but I said he wore them for both our hearts lids us last year mmmm?

Thank goodness he found spare pair reckons got better vision with them booked eye test for 28th anyway. Anyway made Joyner appt as my bp was high most times on monitor so have increase tablet hate that.
He didn't take be and blow me was low at home never mind.

Sorry rambled on we had good weekend away with lovley friends, even if they expecting 2nd grandchild in may still our best friends !

My dear son 38 today bless him. We spoke yesterday and got lovely text from him today. Amazing how few words can lift spirits.

Smilelss so sorry about oh allergy best do without prawns.
I felt tearful reading your post, it does seem like you had amazing time, shame we didn't but just hope I all pans out for my dear son and his partner and stepsons being a mum and a worrier doesn't help??

Yogagirl sorry you had another bad night, is hard, I try stop myself thinking of mine force myself not to dwell, luckily we didn't have time drive down her road. Duentonheenafedue opticians and my doctor.

Hurts like hell and sorry wish could say will stop Yogagirl but it will always make us sad, we just get better at coping with it I promise.?
Not bad idea keep off support forums I stopped looking at estrangement one and just go on moving forwards a smaller group and we try be positive. Sometimes even that is intensive.

Our neibor stuck key through door then texted I know you not home yet but could you feed cats tonight tiny bit of cheek really, as we had so mum stress, still have done so,
Now to put load washing on.

Oh end on lighter note it was 50 s festival omg all sticky out skirts and professional dancers thank god our friends were with us,
Glad you made it away rhinestone hope you can enjoy.

Oh my god iPad gets worse, meant glasses cost £500 and coating came off??

Also kept typing posts and they wouldn't go yes smilelss was a glitch, amazing got next Xmas look forward to so pleased for you, wish my sons partner was more like yours ?Safe journey back hoe oh ok and didn't feel great thanks over weekend but still enjoyed, good be home with Rosie ??

Hi everyone, we're home. Landed yesterday afternoon at 2.30pm and stayed last night in a fab hotel just outside Heathrow. So glad we did as we both felt pretty crap after our long journey. Slept from about 5.00pm to 7.30pm then showered and went down for a meal but couldn't eat very much.

Felt a lot better when I woke up this morning after a good night's sleep until I put the tv on and heard about David Bowie. I grew up with his music, have all his albums and saw him in concert 6 times; such a. Mr. S. and I had already planned to get his new album when we got back.

So pleased you're now in Florida Rhinestone but sorry there was so much to deal with before you left. Hope you've heard from your DD and your mum has settled down. Yep, those GC's parties are just too good an opportunity to miss when they can be used to rub our noses in it. Balloons and banners at ES's as we drove past this afternoon. They've gone now though, probably know we're home and will have seen them so no point in leaving them up any longer. I mean his bday was 4 days ago after all.

Watching DS walk out of the airport was so hard. Lots of hugs and tears, poor boy was pretty wet by the time he left. I told him I was sorry and wished I wasn't so emotional but he said he wouldn't have it any other way.

We talked a bit about ES before we left and he was trying to get us to agree to send ES a card on his bday (if not before) and Christmas. Said he needs re assurance that we still love him. I told him that I didn't want to have any contact with him, that I've had enough of his nastiness and aggression and don't want to give him a reason for any more. Also, that if the first 27 years of his life aren't proof enough that we loved him, and still do then I don't see what a difference cards are going to make.

It was a wonderful 3 weeks. We've never felt closer to DS and it's such a blessing and a relief. There was a time, just over a year ago when I feared we might lose him too. That's one of the worse things about this nightmare, when a child you love, for no justifiable reason cuts you out of their life, you live with the fear and paranoia that any other children you have will do the same. Experiencing the continuation of their love gives you the validation that you so desperately need.

Our posts must have crossed Celeb. Glad you managed to enjoy your weekend and are back with Rosie. We pick up our 4 'babies' tomorrow; can't wait.