Shared parenting - holidays

You could only reduce the time if they were in mediation, and one was just being difficult for no reason that applied to the good of the child.
In the case of the friend of mine her son had joint parenting and her grandchild had spent many a Christmas with him and my friend. The only reason put forward by the mother was that 'she couldn't bear to wake up without him on Christmas morning' - as if her ex husband and child just had to live with it as long as she was happy!

That's an interesting suggestion Leticia, to reduce the time spent with the intractable parent. My initial feeling is that could add to the stress on both parents and children. I wish people would behave themselves when they separate (and during their relationships . Sadly, all to often they don't and the needs of the children get lost in the continuing battle between the parents. Sadly, some of the Charities like Pro Contact in Manchester, are struggling financially. Some of their funding came from la's who are no longer able to give financial support due to the cuts. It's crazy, especially when the need for children's mental health services is being given more attention by politicians and the media.

Totally agree.

I think it is up to the parents to make a workable solution and put the child first, rather than what they want ( or don't want) first. If they can't do it they need to go to mediation and the intractable parent should be the one to lose time.

I am 64- I have asked myself the same question. Herw, by law, parents have to have 50/50 access in normal circumstances- so children need a bed and space in each house. Mind you, I have a British friend separated from a Swiss guy- and they do share about 50/50. and the 4 year old little girl has a room and bed at each and takes it completely in her stride that her life is shared that way. Perfectly normal to her- children are hugely resllient and adaptable, and as long as the parents don't use them as pawns in stupid games (which is the saddest thing ever to witness)- then shared access can work brilliantly, with each parent and each family- bringins different things to the child as well as shared love.

I agree Nonnie
They are equal parents when together and I can't see why it changes or why one should give permission.
Obviously you need to discuss holidays as to convenient dates but I can't understand why one parent becomes the 'senior' parent with powers to veto it without just cause.

I think there should be a presumption of shared parenting and that one parent who thinks it is wrong should have to prove it. At the moment it is all stacked against the father and he has to fight for it. If one parent is unfit it should be relatively easy to prove to anyone open minded. Unfortunately those in power seem to sometimes have closed minds. Of course I can only speak from the experience I have.

Fathers4justice is a pressure group who fight for shared parenting but they are abusive and twist everything demanding father's rights when it is the children who should have a right to both parents unless one of them is unfit. I have given up trying to support them as they seem to be very blinkered.

I've mixed feelings about a law enshrining shared parenting. This can result in too many changes for small children, made worse if their parents are in conflict.

Nonnie, I've pm'd you.

I agree with granjura and a pity we don't have the Swiss rules.
The children should come first-so sad when parents play their own power games.

In our case, the Idiot refuses to pay or see the children if the mood takes him! It's not always the mother who is wrong. Some people are just instinctively nasty! It's so sad (and very tiring!) when the children are used as pawns. One can't understand the mentality of people who would hurt their own children by treating them like that!

Of course Dad should be allowed to take the children on holiday. I'd have thought any reasonable mother would have welcomed this.

And the poor children are the pawns..........
Totally agree granjura, and the mother often seems to hold all the cards, very unjust and sad.

Absolutely- and in many ways women do have much more freedom and 'rights' than men in so many ways- liberating people for the unfair shackles of some tradition liberated men as well as women- of course.

Fathers are very poorly treated often at the time of divorce or separation.

Totally agree with you granjura, how can we work for equal rights for women if we don't have equal rights for men?

Here in Switzerland, shared parenting is the law and, quite rightly I believe, parents have to put kids first and ensure neither parent can be denied access, unless there are compelling reasons to limit or deny.

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If it's shared parenting, then why does he need permission? Does the mother need permission from her ex to take her children on holiday. However, if either of them is planning to travel abroad, it is a good idea to get a letter of permission from the other parent to avoid problems at immigration.

If the parents were married or if the dad applied for it, he'll have parental responsibility. The family courts are much maligned but the assumption is that children have a right to a relationship with both their parents. Parents have responsibilities.

Of course the children should spend holidays with their father.

Sorry Nonnie I thought that was what I said.

jingle- a miracle, I totally agree with you, hurrah- if he is a good dad, irrespective of the good or bad relationship of the parents- it should be a given and not an 'allowance/control'.

In that case I can't see why he wouldn't- or why it was a case of 'allowing'. I would start with a week.

Believe me the three year old is not the least big clingy, his mother is but he is a very independent thinker with a strong personality. He has been asking to go and stay with his grandparents and would be happy to do that on his own without parent or brother!

They love to spend time with their Dad and never ask for Mum even if they fall over or don't get their own way. Having been at nursery since they were 6 months old they are very happy with people they don't know let alone with their father.

He sounds like a good dad. Why wouldn't he take his children away on holiday?

Why would "allowing" come into it?

Should have added - a long weekend or midweek break first time but it's not as though the children don't know him. It would also depend on the personalities of the children. Three might be a bit young first time.

I think he definitely should Nonnie. Why on earth not? Is it just awkwardness?