Shared parenting - holidays

A friend of mine is in this situation. He's looked after his son regularly and from the age of three was taking him on holiday for up to a week at a time. By the age of 6 or 7 he was taking him for a fortnight's holiday.

I don't think there's a definitive answer. It all depends on circumstances and relationship between the parents.
Ex SiL wanted to take 5 and 3 yr olds to Europe to visit their other GP at Easter in the end he couldn't due to unforseen circumstances but DD was happy for them to go for a week.
Her thought was as he only had them one night a week it would do him good to have to cope as other GPs work full time

Nina it is an issue when the relationship between the parents is difficult. I just want to know what people think is reasonable.

My grandsons at ages 2 and 5 often come to stay with me for a week (the older grandson sometimes comes for longer), so I think a week without mum is quite reasonable. Dad isn't a stranger and however awkward the parents' relationships are I see no reason why it should be a difficulty for the children. Children really are very adaptable.

I think he definitely should Nonnie. Why on earth not? Is it just awkwardness?

Should have added - a long weekend or midweek break first time but it's not as though the children don't know him. It would also depend on the personalities of the children. Three might be a bit young first time.

He sounds like a good dad. Why wouldn't he take his children away on holiday?

Why would "allowing" come into it?

Believe me the three year old is not the least big clingy, his mother is but he is a very independent thinker with a strong personality. He has been asking to go and stay with his grandparents and would be happy to do that on his own without parent or brother!

They love to spend time with their Dad and never ask for Mum even if they fall over or don't get their own way. Having been at nursery since they were 6 months old they are very happy with people they don't know let alone with their father.

In that case I can't see why he wouldn't- or why it was a case of 'allowing'. I would start with a week.

jingle- a miracle, I totally agree with you, hurrah- if he is a good dad, irrespective of the good or bad relationship of the parents- it should be a given and not an 'allowance/control'.

Sorry Nonnie I thought that was what I said.

If the parents were married or if the dad applied for it, he'll have parental responsibility. The family courts are much maligned but the assumption is that children have a right to a relationship with both their parents. Parents have responsibilities.

Of course the children should spend holidays with their father.

If it's shared parenting, then why does he need permission? Does the mother need permission from her ex to take her children on holiday. However, if either of them is planning to travel abroad, it is a good idea to get a letter of permission from the other parent to avoid problems at immigration.

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Here in Switzerland, shared parenting is the law and, quite rightly I believe, parents have to put kids first and ensure neither parent can be denied access, unless there are compelling reasons to limit or deny.

Totally agree with you granjura, how can we work for equal rights for women if we don't have equal rights for men?

Absolutely- and in many ways women do have much more freedom and 'rights' than men in so many ways- liberating people for the unfair shackles of some tradition liberated men as well as women- of course.

Fathers are very poorly treated often at the time of divorce or separation.

And the poor children are the pawns..........
Totally agree granjura, and the mother often seems to hold all the cards, very unjust and sad.

Of course Dad should be allowed to take the children on holiday. I'd have thought any reasonable mother would have welcomed this.

In our case, the Idiot refuses to pay or see the children if the mood takes him! It's not always the mother who is wrong. Some people are just instinctively nasty! It's so sad (and very tiring!) when the children are used as pawns. One can't understand the mentality of people who would hurt their own children by treating them like that!

I agree with granjura and a pity we don't have the Swiss rules.
The children should come first-so sad when parents play their own power games.

I've mixed feelings about a law enshrining shared parenting. This can result in too many changes for small children, made worse if their parents are in conflict.

Nonnie, I've pm'd you.

I think there should be a presumption of shared parenting and that one parent who thinks it is wrong should have to prove it. At the moment it is all stacked against the father and he has to fight for it. If one parent is unfit it should be relatively easy to prove to anyone open minded. Unfortunately those in power seem to sometimes have closed minds. Of course I can only speak from the experience I have.

Fathers4justice is a pressure group who fight for shared parenting but they are abusive and twist everything demanding father's rights when it is the children who should have a right to both parents unless one of them is unfit. I have given up trying to support them as they seem to be very blinkered.

I agree Nonnie
They are equal parents when together and I can't see why it changes or why one should give permission.
Obviously you need to discuss holidays as to convenient dates but I can't understand why one parent becomes the 'senior' parent with powers to veto it without just cause.