husbands.... and how mumsnetters react .....is it different for us older folks?

I don't mind the swearing. I find it a refreshing change to asterisks!

It sometimes gives brilliant advice and support- it depends on who posts and it isn't something I would risk on an emotional problem, if I was feeling vulnerable.

My dh is happy to play his guitar and do anything on the computer esp games all day whilst I do all the chores,walk the dog, look after gc, shop, cook, garden etc etc. I then go to bed by 1030, whilst he stays up til midnight. He is generous financially but distant emotionally now. Once a week he thinks of going out together. I get tired of having to ask for any help as I feel both of us should share tasks and leisure. Am I a mug, or what?

Wearingthin. Can he strum that old folk song;

Idleswine, Idleswine, every morning I see you. Small and white, far from light, give me the strength to feed you.

Wearingthin- as MN would say - LTB

My husband is so untidy it drives me to distraction. I've tried for years to tame him, all to no avail. He once said, "you wait till I retire, this house will be so clean and tidy you won't recognise it". Well he retired 5 years ago and I'm still waiting...
BUT, he is rarely lazy. He does the garden, he empties the bins when they're full, he often cooks. He does the washing-up and empties the dishwasher at least as often, if not more often than I do. He goes shopping. He does his own washing (not the ironing, but then we both try to avoid that as much as possible by buying things that don't need it )
He vacuums, on occasion, and has even been known to clean the bathroom. Mind you, he is so absurdly thorough, taking everything out of cupboards and off shelves, scrubbing in corners, bleaching tile grouting etc, that it takes him most of the day - as it's our only loo it's a bit of a problem!
So it is just the clutter, things left about and not put away, piles of books brought from the library and not put on shelves, newspapers scattered across the sofa. I'm afraid as I've got older I've accepted defeat and started to become like him. What's the point in tidying away things I'm using/reading/working on if his mess is still everywhere? Sigh.

Don't leave him wearingthin , leave the dishes, leave the shopping, leve whatever you want him to do. Find something more interesting and absorbning and just ignore the chores.

Tell him that you are so busy with that, you won't have time to cook a meal today, and would he please do it. It may not work first time (get in some nourishing snacks for yourself and hide them somewhere he won't find them - at the bottom of the laundry basket for instance, where he is unlikely to look.)

It will eventually dawn on him that he is actually capable of doing things, and that being hungry and without clean clothes or cups is no fun.

Mine is improving very, very slowly but only after I carried out my threat to bin everything left strewn across the sofa, floor, table etc.

I warned him several times, nothing changed so I swept it all in to black bags and put it in the bin. When he came home and asked (no, it wasn't bin day) I told him I'd do it again since when he has improved, he now dumps it in 'his office', out of my sight.

I used to do something similar loopylou, when he was working and left piles of paperwork all over the kitchen table. Not as drastic as you, however - what I did was put everything in a plastic carrier, tie the top, and throw it in the understairs cupboard. It was not unusual to have 4 or 5 such bags in there at any one time, and he did grumble when he had to look through them all for one particular invoice.
Now, though, he has hypertension and he finds irritations much harder to handle without getting red in the face and sending his blood pressure soaring. If I threw his stuff in the bin he would probably end up in hospital with heart

oops! with heart failure is what I meant to say!!

I'd just had enough after 37 years of asking firmly but politely nagging, would probably have done what you did AshTree if I had an under stairs cupboard!
I think I'm going to see if I can invoke a Pavlovian response by just getting out a black bag in future !

There is another side to this tale, wives tend to have short memories when we do stuff that is outside our normal remit (car maintenance, diy, gardening, repairs, not to mention eating all that food). Not everyone has the same priorities, I want the garden tidy, Mrs P wants the bathroom re-decorated, (I'll get around to it). Marriage is a partnership, but we each have different functions.

Apart from the last (^eating all that food^) DH doesn't partake of such 'stuff' pompa!

Re:short memories if the male memory wasn't even shorter than the female's there wouldn't be any nagging gently persuasive reminding would there?

Partnership ok, some have one more equal than other's?

I'm sure there are unequal partnerships, however many are equal and all DH's shouldn't be painted with the same brush.

You're right Pompa, and I wouldn't be painting my husband with any brush because it is always his job to do the painting, as I am useless at it, whereas he couldn't hang a piece of wallpaper if his life depended on it, so that's my job. A very equal partnership .

pompa, Mrs. P is a lucky lady!

Some habits die hard. My daughter made me laugh out loud today: her and I were out having left early on an impromptu shopping trip. I started fretting saying "We must get back, dad will be home from golf and the house is a tip". She looked at me in horror and simply said "What is it, 1920?!"

We sent a text and had lunch out too

Like wise here, Mrs. P does the stripping and I put it up.

pompa

Pompa

Grannyknot that made me laugh out loud!! Well done, keep it up ]

I forgot to add that I was talking about wallpaper.

Message deleted by Gransnet for breaking our forum guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Joan please stop spamming us. Its getting boring .All reported