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I really need your opinions

(32 Posts)
Coolgran65 Sun 12-Apr-15 14:33:27

My very first post was asking for opinions and you were all brilliant, kept me right.... I sometimes have a problem with over thinking.

This is long and I hope you will stay with it because it gives background that I reckon is needed..... Or it could be me overthinking smile again smile

Background is my ds, ddil and dgs ( 21 months) live many thousands of miles away. (10 years) Ds and I keep in touch with email and Skype and sometimes phone. Ddil sends pics of dgs every few weeks but no chatty text, that's ok. Ddil grew up and was educated on that continent, but not that area. They have now bought their own home.
We had a lovely (expensive) visit with them last year.

They are both professionals. Do not use outside child care. Ddil can be a little flexible in her part-time work. Ds works from home 2 days per week and is in the office the other 3 days, and most often one of the home working days is taken as annual leave so that child care is covered.

Dgs is very precious to them, born quite late with difficult delivery, ages 38 and mum was 41. There is no family near them and they have their own parenting ways which are excellent if a little 'by the book'. No processed food, shoes off at the door cos toddler is all over the floor, only wear cotton etc.
Dgs is a really happy child and we all get on well - though like most parents/grandparents this is helped by the fact that we don't give opinions unless asked and don't criticise.

One old portable tv that is rarely used, one old 9 yrs car because it still goes, etc. etc. Ds cycles to work.

Ds and Ddil don't have much spare time, mainly because they don't use outside child care. Ddil can work (uni tutorials) on a Saturday when ds is off. And also evening tutorials on occasion in their home. Ds would often say that time is very full on. I can understand this.

Ds has no problem with speaking his mind, he never did. We never fall out although sometimes I am a bit cross in myself - I don't say too much. They live too far away to make waves that can make an issue where there needn't be one.

I left ds's father, exh 20 years ago, after 22 years. He was paranoid schizophrenic and life eventually became too difficult. I tell you this so you know our background. Ds went no contact with his father and eventually so did I. exh was eventually permanently certifiably hospitalised.

I am remarried 11 years (known him 18 years) and have 3 step grandchildren who live locally and are a blessing.

Being summer and as dgs (who lives far away) is now well on his feet I asked ds if there was anything that dgs would like for garden fun. Amazon is excellent to deliver far off gifts for free. I asked this as they are so particular about what dgs does/plays with/ eats etc.

Ds sent me a link for 2 play items which I ordered and I added a third item.
Third item is a pop-up tent and it arrived yesterday and I got an email saying that there were small parts and as recommended age for usage was 36 months, it would have to wait until he was 3 years.
No problem - I had sent a link to ds before ordering and he said it looked good..... but so be it.

I then looked at the other 2 items (toy garden tool sets) that ds had recommended and had sent me the links for, they are due to be delivered in the next few days and I see that they are recommended for age 5 !!

I sent email to ds to say..... ''take note - just be aware these are for a 5 year old''.

Ds reply was:
""Gulp. This is what happens when you ask someone who has no time, for a recommendation for a gift. We'll see when they arrive"".
He then went on to talk chatty.

My question..... I feel a bit put out at the """""""" Gulp. This is what happens when you ask someone who has no time, for a recommendation for a gift. We'll see when they arrive""""""""". Even though he went on to be chatty.

Thing is, a lot is lost in written text. No tone, no inflexion.
Am I over thinking again ??

Thank you so much for all who have made it to the end.
I do respect all of your opinions on all other threads.

loopylou Sat 25-Apr-15 13:57:08

Joan2 now banned smile
I'm a worrier, not easy to switch it off unfortunately.

Re GS, and the response- if your DS is anything like mine (aeronautical engineer) replies are usually very brief and succinct-so, as I know that's how he thinks/writes it's definitely no big deal.

We're there to be something needing worrying about I'm sure he'd let you know.
I send DGS little gifts from time to time, not always age-correct, I just let DS know and he or DDIL can give or not give until later, as they choose.
Your GS will survive!
And yes, the only thing you get from overthinking or worrying is a headache smile

loopylou Sat 25-Apr-15 13:57:52

Were there, not we're there......

soontobe Sat 25-Apr-15 19:20:54

Out of interest, annodomini, do you never get worry thoughts?

annodomini Sat 25-Apr-15 20:29:15

If something begins to niggle at me, soon, I think it through and ask myself what I can do about it. If I can't I think about who can or if it is worth bothering about. I think everyone should have a mental check-list. This probably makes me sound sub-human but my childhood was slightly overshadowed by my mother's constant worrying about things that she could do nothing about. I know it was because she cared so much about us all but it did get a bit wearing. If you banish unnecessary worries it leaves more room for happy emotions. And I do sleep uncommonly well!

soontobe Sat 25-Apr-15 20:44:58

Nice answer.

annsixty Sat 25-Apr-15 20:50:05

I have spent years worrying about things that I can do nothing about.I have stopped. Things I cannot influence I just forget,it has taken me years to come to this ,but I lead a less troubled life,I think!!