To Babysit or Not?!

To babysit or not. My response is can no one look after their own child these days? You see grandparents everywhere looking after children. I think these women go back to work because it is easier. I have warned mine I will not be doing it. I don't mind helping with anything else, but not children been there done that and had enough.

I have been doing a 30 hour week with my granddaughter since she was 10 months old. She is 3 and a quarter now. I have her 3 full days and

Research shows that children cared for by a grandparent don't do as well children who attend nursery. So I think the best thing is a combination of both. You will be a much better carer part time. Not sure many childminders or nurseries are open at 6.30 so maybe a good plan for you to have the baby early and then take her to a childminder some days. Hopefully you can find one nearby with all that snow.

Will your daughter be able to work weekends giving her some time off in the week to share care. Then when her compulsory year is up you can all re think and maybe she can work part time.

Grandmama123, you have no reason to feel guilty. I, too, am 63 yrs old and I will not and do not want to look after my 18mth old Grandson full time. I will do it on my terms, occasionally overnight when his parents go to a function etc. they live in London and I in Birmingham, so not close enough for full time anyway, but I made it clear, right from the start thT I would not do it full time. It's darned hard work, that is why young people have kids, not us 'oldies'. I love my Grandson, but want my relTionship to,stay just that. I am not his full time carer, I am his Granny with a right to spoil, treat and give back. The answer will be the same to my daughter, who lives in Birmingham, should she ever have kids. We are Grandparents and our kids do not have a right to put pressure on us or deal out emotional blackmail, to look after their kids. If they can't afford the childcare, don't have kids.

I look after my 1year old grandson 2 days a week and he goes to nursery 2 days. Yes it's exhausting physically but I love it. It's a privilege to care for him. But : I offered to do this, it wasn't expected. I do feel that what you're daughter is expecting is just too much and you should try to find a compromise. Not being familiar with Canada I don't know whether there is any alternatives to nursery care? Perhaps you could investigate this with your daughter?
You shouldn't give up your interests it will only lead to resentment. Good luck!

I'm still being made to feel very guilty for moving 100 miles away from my DS and DIL 5 years ago. I now have a gorgeous 2 1/2 year old GD and GD no. two is due in 6 weeks. I don't see them that often; they are busy people, DIL works 2 days a week, GGD at nursery 2 days a week and DS is daddy day care for one day. Our relationship is strained which is quite hurtful. My DD has no children, is a career woman and completely understands why I want my own life after bringing them up (my husband and I separated 5 years ago after 38 years of a not very nice marriage). I've thought about moving from where I live to help out but I love it here (on the South Coast) and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

I have a friend (67) who has devoted the last 10 years to caring for her 3 DGC and sometimes their friends after school as well; it's taken over her life and she's permanently exhausted, especially in the school holidays.

You really need to want to do this; it's not baby-sitting, it's full time child care. I know my DS and his family will be overwhelmed by baby no 2 shortly, but no-one has forced them to have children. I had two; they (esp. DS!) were little horrors and I had no help! I have offered to go up should they need me for a while, but no more than that. Sorry if that sounds selfish, but life is too short; I'm 66 and I've put others before me for most of life. It's my time now!

Like so many of your other members, I care for my 2 grandchildren 1-2 days a week...with an occasional extra day or half-day in an emergency. I adore them both, they're great kids, but there's no way I'd do it full-time! In my 60s I'm just enjoying time to myself, and caring for my elderly husband who no longer has great health is enough.
I'm used to caring for children, I was a registered childminder for several years...but that was 30 years ago!
I'd say don't do it full-time Grandmama123, you may end up exhausted & resentful.
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!

I don't think women go back to work because it's easier. There's nothing easy about getting up early, rushing to get the children dressed and fed, taking them to school or nursery or grandparents and then having to make your own way to work. Every spare minute spent cooking, shopping, doing housework - at the same time as trying to make time for the family.

I'm sure many women - and men - would like to stay at home with their young children, or do shorter hours at work but their finances just don't allow for it.

We help with childcare and are happy to do it, but I do think when a child has an expectation or a feeling of entitlement that their parents do this and doesn't even bother to discuss the matter, that is discourteous and unreasonable.

Looking at it from a slightly different angle, why do our kids have children if they 'need' to work? For the most part is seems that they either want to go back to work for their own self esteem, or for more money, but if only people could accept that they CAN get by with less in life, and be prepared to give THEIR lives over for a few years to raising THEIR children, maybe we as grandparents wouldn't be put in this situation.

My own daughter has 3 girls and lives just up the road. I love the girls to bits and am always happy to have them, but have serious health issues myself and cannot be relied on as my condition varies literally from minute to minute, so my daughter rather than dumping the girls in childcare stayed home with them, lived on a bit less, and has only returned to full time work since the youngest got to the stage where she can be left in the care of the older girls.

I expect I'll open up a whole can of worms with this comment, but hey, if we could raise our own kids, why can't ours do the same?

I have my granddaughter 30 hours a week from the time she was 10 months old - she in 3 and a quarter now. Without my help my daughter would not have been able to pay her mortgage so I was really hijacked! She goes to a day nursery 2 days a week and is with me the other 3.
I sometimes feel exactly like all of you who have commented on being unable to continue with your own lives as you wish - I even have to negotiate holidays with my daughter!! But the flip side of the coin is that I have the most amazing relationship with a beautiful three year old and have been part of her upbringing, giving her values I can see my other 6 grandchildren do not possess! It's only for another year until she goes to school and hopefully, just like my own 4 children, I have made a friend for life. I have other friends who also look after grandkids and we play date , we go shopping and to the park so always see other adults. Just like walking a dog, when you have a child with you, others in the same situation are inclined to chat.
I love my days off but enjoy having my granddaughter too. I don't get paid!!

I'm afraid I think it's outrageous for you DD to expect you to provide full time child care for your 3 GC, much as you love them dearly. Will you still have to have them in the school holidays.? A couple of days a week perhaps and stand in in case of emergencies but you are entitled to enjoy your "semi retirement" with your new friends and neighbours, after all you moved your home to be nearer to them and support them not work for them full time +.

Hi and can appreciate your dilemma as this will be me in a years time!! NO one has mentioned what will happen in the school holidays!?This is also another serious consideration.
Friends of mine who do one day a week child care say how totally exhausting it all is. Bearing in mind you have worked all your life it is now time for some serious enjoyment, so you have to do what you enjoy. Dont miss out on the comraderie of walking mates... I lost my partner 2 years ago after a year of living in Cornwall and it is soooo very difficult to make friends now Im alone.
You will be totally tied and have to plan even your shopping around this. My opinion is full time is too much.

When I first read your post I too assumed you meant the north of England, Ontario and Canadian winters are a whole different ball game!! Our godson and family live in Alberta and I know how cold it can get.

10 hours a day, 5 days a week is a lot to ask of you (and grandad?? You don't mention him or does his new role preclude him helping). My DH loves being 'Daddad' and does more when we look after DGD than I do. we live near our DD and SiL so do short bouts of childcare though I've been told we will have both children when they have their much delayed honeymoon (DD was pregnant when they got married)!!

I agree with those who say that you should compromise and have the little one for a couple of days or only when she can start nursery and you can do half days. If you feel pressured into full time childcare then it will only lead to stress and resentment and harm your relationship with your DD and SiL

Good luck and enjoy the time with your grandchildren!

I think the point that jellybeanjean makes about age is important too. At 25 or 30, looking after a child for the next few years isn't that big a chunk out of your life, it's only a short while so plenty of time afterwards to do other things. But when you're 64 like me, then another 5 years till baby goes to school takes me to nearly 70. At this age I'm increasingly conscious of my own mortality and at last want to get on and experience all those things I wanted to do when younger. I don't think our offspring understand that. Like Grandmama123 in our 60s a lot of us feel that at last it's 'me time' after years of working hard, bringing up our family, caring for elderly parents and so on. Just because we may have retired or semi retired doesn't mean we're suddenly free for them.

I work in a shop and am astounded at the number of grandparents who come in with their grandchildren and when chatting to them, they say they have them all the summer holiday. One couple looked to be at least 80, with 3 youngsters in tow and looked frazzled (they were probably really 50!). I cared for my granddaughter for 5 years once a week and yes it was great, but as I worked for the other 4 days I did sometimes resent it, as well as the money I spent driving there and back which I didn't have. We now have a great relationship, not that she remembers any of that time, but I also have a great relationship with my other grandchildren who live a long way away. We ring, facetime, text etc several times a week, they tell me all their problems and successes and give me makeup advice! They come to stay, either all 3 or individually, for a holiday, for fun, not for childcare.

I think a lot more discussion needs to be had here, I'm sure there's a compromise but please don't feel you're being selfish because at last you are enjoying life and not giving to others.

I told my daughter I would do 2 or 3 days a week, no more. She understood this and put my granddaughter into a nursery for the other 2 days. This has worked out great. Granddaughter loves nursery and I enjoy looking after her for my 2 or 3 days. It varys week to week as sometimes her dad is at home as he works shifts. I happen to have my three year old granddaughter all weekend while her parents go on a short break. It's just Saturday morning and i'm tired already after an eventful nights sleep! She came into my bed, then wet it! I am now washing everything.

One of my grandchildren has grown (now 16) up in USA. I only see him once a year. When I visited I was delighted to be left to look after him so that his parents could have an hour or two at the cinema or with their friends. My other grandchildren live close by. I help out. I looked after them by picking them up from daycare and keeping them until mum arrived back from work. It was maybe once or twice a week. I now appreciate those times I had with them. They are growing so quickly. I would not wish to be paid. I would not wish it to be full time. That is a job for a much younger person, a grandparent should always on hand to help out. Full time care is too much. Summer holidays we help out - daughter has a network of similar friends who get together to organise child care over the summer and winter holidays. It works well.
So do as much as you are able. Maybe once or twice a week. Have the children in your home too as then you can fit them around your day and life. They will enjoy "helping" with your housework!

I agree with others re the need to offer some help, but definitely not full time day care. Would a 63 year old be hired in a day nursery? Don't think so, and with good reason! It's a young persons game. Another issue is that it's good for children to have all the positives of group care, babies are more advanced now than when mine were young! Put forward the advantages for the baby of group care supported by your part time one to one care, placing the focus on the child's needs rather than your own. I think that's reasonable!

Hello, also my first time on here. I too am in a similar posting, but it's my dear son who thinks his mum can cope with it all. My DIL is being very understanding. We have now ( at her suggestion) reached what seems a good compromise, but if I am absolutely honest, although I love them all dearly, I really would rather not have a regular several days a week commitment to look after my delightful grandson. He will be six months old when this arrangement starts, and my DIL is a brilliant mum but her ways are very different to mine. I love to see the wee lad, be with him but I don't feel I have the patience, strength or physical ability now. Occasional babysitting would be a joy, sharing time with him is wonderful, but when it becomes a "job" it changes. My son feels because I looked after other friends children ten years ago I should be thrilled to be looking after his, ( I gently tried to explain how much frailer I am now, I have a long term health issue, and it scares me witless that I might fall over holding the wee lad, all explained to my son but he wants me to have lots of time with my little grandson). My son and DIL are wonderful, and I want to help them, but I am dreading the autumn when this all starts. The compromise we reached is I look after the wee lad for a couple of days, and he goes to crèche on the others, with me as an emergency contact. Me looking after him is on a three month trial to see how I hold up health wise, I think this is fair, they want to pay me, I don't want that, he's my grandson, but I have asked for they just refund my fuel as it is a distance to their house and that help alone will be great. To the lady who brought this issue up, I wondered if perhaps her daughter had thought of a live in nanny/au pair often cheaper than crèches or baby minders, then Gran can babysit on occasion and take wee one out when she wants. My son and daughter in law are lucky in that the military base they are on has a crèche that takes babies from six months, and Mum is on hand to go down to little one if necessary. It is my son who wants me to have the wee lad so he has lots of "gran time"! my DIL I think, would be quite happy if wee one is at The crèche all the time, but is too nice to say so, and she has been really understanding about my reservations. So she worked out the compromise. I hope the lady who wrote in finds a good compromise, and I wish her all the best. Nice to "meet" you all.

Apart from anything else, the responsibility of looking after someone else's children is very stressful. I love having my grandchildren, but there is always some anxiety about the need to keep them safe when they are entrusted to my care. We took this in our stride as young parents, but as we get older, I find it harder to cope with pressure.

No, no no ....do not offer to babysit. I have seven grand children and love them dearly, well most of the time. To each of my four children when they / their partner became pregnant I made it very clear that in emergencies I would always be there .
But I looked after my four children , I brought them up not a surrogate parent or nursery. If I needed for financial reasons to work , I did nights so I put them to bed and I was there when they got up.
Otherwise don't have kids . My girlfriend ...we are both in our seventies she did have her Grandys on a regular help basis and she enjoyed it , she also has a great relationship with them.
Personally it wasn't for me and I would have resented doing it . Four of my own was quite enough . I don't think it's selfish it's how it should be.
Now if they want me to look after their dogs well that's a whole different ball game.

Reading all the posts here, I think I agree with most of the GNetters. A couple of days a week - paid or not - will be plenty.

When we have our 2 GDs alll day for three or four days in the holidays, I am beyond tired. I am 67 and in excellent health, but the energy is lacking.

I also would suggest a nanny/aup[ai or whatever of that type. The cost may be greater in Canada than in the UK, but there is little other choice.

where are the other GPs? Could they help?

I am a 57 year old former registered childminder who now works as an online adult education tutor from home. Thank goodness that I gave up full time childminding at the age of 43 as I then developed a serious health issue that means running after little people is impossible. I can barely walk.
Childcare is so rewarding but it is also physically exhausting. When I was a childminder I saw a lot of substandard childcare from elderly grandparents who just couldn't cope with the physical demands.
There's a reason Man is the only mammalian species to have a menopause, older women are not designed to effectively raise small children.
Registered childminders offer the benefits of home based care with a strong emphasis on promoting the overall development of children. Childcare is a young person's game overall. I often babysat for my grandchildren but not until they were school age and the physical demands on me were not as great. Good luck!

Wow! - lots of new posters. Are you all in UK, or have we had a sudden transatlantic influx!

I think this situation is all about clarity and people being able to be honest about where they stand and what they can manage.

I do understand Nudejude's query as to why people have children that they cannot afford to bring up. But the reality is that many many parents cannot afford to have only one partner working - should they be denied the natural desire to have children?

I feel that the state should offer some support to parents who wish to be at home with their children,in the same way that they offer support for nursery care so parents can work. If employers were obliged (and received government support) to allow flexi-working for parents of either sex, then many families would do what they really wish to do, which is to share the child care whilst also meeting their bills. This approach would also change the negative attitude to employing women, as the men and the women would then be in the same boat as regards the possibility that they might ask for part time work if they started a family. If this became the norm then many of these problems would be solved.

I am 69, and have just had my 2 grandchildren, 9 and 12, for three weeks holiday and I am totally shattered.
They live in Europe and their parents allowed them to come alone for the first time. (accompanied by friends on the way here and taken back by my son.)
It is very strenuous when you get into your 60's to look after young ones, however dear they are to you.
The only advice I would give to Grandmama123 is to make the decision based on your own capabilities and conscience, together with your husband, and don't let whatever other people think matter to you. It is not the business of anybody else.

Best wishes.

Do not give up your freedom for anything. I think GP are now looked upon as full time carers for our GC and that is not always fair or reasonable. Childcare rates are about £45 per child, per day. Are you going to be paid anything like that? No, of course not.
There is a massive difference between babysitting and childminding. Yes, you can and probably should help out as a grandparent but not to be minding 10 hours a day, that's madness. Babysitting is for a few hours a week. Childminding is a full time role.
If you want to, do a couple of days a week, that's fair enough but please don't commit to minding the baby 5 days a week. You and your life are very important too.
Don't be pressurised into doing it. Stand your ground in a loving but assertive way.