To Babysit or Not?!

Caring for a baby from 06.30 - 16.30 plus 7-year old twins is not 'babysitting' !!

Many grandparents are expected to perform full-time childcare and I think it's very unreasonable.

If I were you I would offer to do two days and that's it.

A compromise perhaps?

Look after baby x days a week (and do as much walking as you can on those days - pushing a pushchair is very good for you!) and go walking with your friends on the other days.

Would your DD agree to look for a childminder for the other days? Does she work full time?

Do your walkers walk at the weekends? - perhaps you could just do that, or that plus 1 or 2 weekdays, and have DGD the rest of the time.

I can see your difficulty. Our children often fail to realise that we are getting older and that full time child care is exhausting.

My DD works 3 days a week and DGD goes to childminder one day (used to be two days when she was smaller), nursery one day and us the other day.

I have to say that there is a very special relationship with those DGC whom you care for on a regular basis and it is something I would not have missed for the world.

Good luck with your decision-making. Whatever you do don't fall out with DD!!!

When faced with a similar situation I agreed to childminding for DD on two days a week so that I could live my own life on the other days. Other arrangements were made for other days. It has worked well and minding a little one is exercise in its own right. We go to toddler groups etc. where there are many other grandparents in the same boat thus widening our social circle more.
Then there is always Gransnet and your local pages. You can find others on this forum who are nearby and would like to chat.

No G.parent should be expected to provide child care. Let whoever frown if they want. You are entitled to live your life as you wish. Did your DD ask your opinion before she had her family ?

If you feel you would like to help then, as others have said maybe a compromise of a day or two each week.

I agree with others that it shouldn't be taken for granted that a GP will look after a child or children when their mum goes back to work. Some GP are willing and able, others may not be so keen for many reasons.

I'm surprised that your GD can't be accepted for daycare until she's older - day nurseries in my area take babies from three months. Perhaps your daughter could make more enquiries?

I know lots of parents rely on the grandparents for childminding, but I think it's a bit much to have an expectation that you would be able to take on the care of your GC for 50 hours a week - that is more than the average full-time job. (I am assuming you've been asked to care for them for 5 days a week? Apologies if I'm wrong).
Our generation had a very different time of it, didn't we? We weren't expected, or forced through financial constraints, to work full time as young mothers, so I imagine most of us did the full-time child-rearing thing many years ago. I certainly wouldn't want to be doing it all over again now, at nearly 3 times the age I was then!
I don't think young people have any real understanding of how much more difficult it is for us to cope with young children for long periods as we get older. They see us as their capable mums, who've always been busy holding down a job and running a household, so of course it won't be any problem
I would do as others have suggested: offer to care for them 1 or 2 days a week. Is it going to be very difficult for them to afford paid childcare? Would you be in a position to help out financially with this? That might be another solution.
Good luck, I hope you all come to an amicable agreement

Walk in the morning, collect baby GD from nursery at lunch time?

Will you have to collect twin GSs from school too?

Hi!
Well. First off, my daughter is a registered nurse, her husband also has a good job. They want to pay me for this "newly created position". Yes, that would be nice and help me as my husband has created a new position for himself here. He switched careers at the age of 60.
We live in a small northern town on Ontario and there is really no one else to my knowledge who could care for baby D while her parents both work. Not sure why but daycare takes them older... 16-18months.
My girls walk during the week only, not weekends, I am able to walk on my own at anytime mind you, the camaraderie while walking is great! Laughing, smiling and oh.... The jokes are hilarious!
The twin boys would need to get to school. I brought this up. I suggested a scenerio where the older female friend could walk them to school and home so therefore, I would not have that responsibility esp when it's -30 degrees and a snow storm without a car!! I would be stuck in the house primarily but there is a drop in and the library close by..thank God. On the good weather days.
My D will work full time. Funny, not... She said to me, well, Omi (husbands German mother, old school woman) babysat us, I thought you'd help too. I mentioned, Omi and the G' mothers of today are quite different and Omi didn't have you all day, everyday. I went back to work only part time when my youngest was 3ish. My D understands it is a long day. YUP! 10 hr days!
I appreciate all comments and will think this thru. I think it would be a good idea for my D to postpone going back till her daughter is of age to participate part time in daycare, I could then do half days... Picking her up at noon.... But don't think this will pan out.
My oh my!

As a registered nurse, your daughter is in demand and can, if she really wants to, work part time. If you look after baby part time, then that's a good compromise on both sides, I would have thought.

No, she is a new nurse and has to have one yr full time orientation training in the OR, then she becomes a part time nurse like everyone else in Ontario unless they are older RN's.

If your heart isn't totally in it and it doesn't sound as if it is , don't do it or you will come to resent it and resentment will fester. My H and I did it for 2/3 days a week due to DIL's working pattern and it was very hard work, very rewarding but very hard.

Thanks annsixty,
I do feel in my heart I want my freedom... Haha, worked and raised children and now it my time but not 100 percent sure.
All comments are useful and so wonderful to me as I ponder this next step.
I look at baby D's face and melt! We have a great relationship as I watch her grow. I agree a part time situation would work best for me if possible.
Hugs Gals!
Are you all from the UK?
I live in Canada!

I agree totally with you ann60

If you want to do it, then do it. But if, as is coming across, you don't want to do it then please don't. Child minding is hard work. At one time I was minding three under 5's most days and doing school run for GS1 sis I'm speaking from recent exoerience.

Very Hard Work but equality Very Rewarding. So much so that nkw the youngest GD starts school soon I'm gutted that those days are past.

Ah well! There's still the school run, five days a week, morning and afternoon.

Eeek Grandmama123, being in Ontario does make a bit of a difference I thought you meant the North of England and my thoughts apply to that. As you say 10 hours feeling 'shut-in' a house is a long time. I struggled with post natal depression with my 3rd child and having just moved to a different area and no car made it a lot worse. I would have been very loathe to give up something that has such a positive affect on your physical and mental health. Could you explain to your daughter how you felt before you found your walking friends? I hope you can find a solution to this.

As this is your first post, welcome to Gransnet. I hope you stay with us and enjoy it. Come back and let us know how it works out.

My first thought, harsh as it may seem, is that the children are your DD's and SiL's responsibility and not yours!

Help out by all means, if it fits in with your life, but what they are hoping for is unreasonable and will possibly destroy your relationship if you become exhausted and anxious, which could lead to resentment.

As others have suggested, why not offer to do a couple of days a week and see how you get on? Bear in mind that, once your DGD is mobile, you'll have three very active children to keep occupied and keep up with.

Sorry if this sounds negative, but don't feel guilt-tripped into it

I looked around on Google and this forum jumped out to me, I love the UK albeit never been there, my ancestors are from England, Ireland and Scotland!
xo

I had sore feet for the last year, different issues.
Planter Fascia, sore this and that and sitting so much at work didn't help. Walking has helped me so much to get the circulation going, blood pressure down, stronger legs and healthier mind. Yes, my daughter was the one who encouraged me to walk and meet new people. It's been a year since we moved from Toronto.

As has been said by others, this is NOT babysitting. I also agree that you should be enjoying your new life. Compromise would seem to be the ideal soluton, if it can be achieved.

Good luck!

Having my small DGC here regularly, I can tell you that at this kind of age they are exhausting, and once you are committed, you can hardly wriggle out of it.I would offer two days a week maximum and even then,prepare to be tired.I would not take any money for this service either, I would not want things ona staff type footing, but offer to do it as a loving Grandparent. good luck!

Grandmama 123, I'm in the same kind of situation as in we moved to be near our daughter and baby granddaughter, both of whom I absolutely adore. My daughter is now going back to work and my husband and I have had to decide how much childcare we're prepared to do. To be honest, I'm not keen on doing a lot as I was a full time mum to a big family while my husband worked long hours and I'm only just feeling like we've got a bit of freedom to do things together without thinking about children. Also I have arthritis and find the practicalities of childcare difficult. So we have compromised on doing weekend care and filling in at other times when paid childcare fails for any reason. I sometimes feel a little guilty for not offering more but we are entitled to our lives too after a lifetime of caring for our own kids and hopefully your daughter will accept this as mine does. Better a happy grandma who wants to spend quality time with her gc than a resentful one who desperately wants to get away from an excess of responsibility!!

It does seem to me a bit presumptuous of your daughter to have an expectation that you would look after the baby for such long hours, without even having discussed it with you.

I think 10 hours a day on your own would for many people be very challenging - it certainly would for me and I don't think I could do it.

I tend to think your idea that your daughter waits until the child can go to a nursery for at least some of the time is a better one. Perhaps you may then feel able to help out one or two days a week - but it really should be your choice unless their financial situation is absolutely desperate, which from what you say it appears not to be.

I'm sure you would be quite happy to help out now and then and to babysit on a fairly regular basis but the sort of full on duties that they are suggesting you take on is, I think, unreasonable.

Your life, you choose.

It isn't babysitting- she is expecting you to change your life.
I wouldn't do it. I would find some compromise.
Other people are quite capable of looking after her baby!
I wouldn't do more than 2 days a week.
If you had not moved to be nearer her then she would have had to cope. There must be lots of other people in her area with small children and no relatives- they cope.

I am not a Gran yet but I spent 10 years in total at home when mine were under 5 yrs- I loved it at the time, but now I have moved on and have my freedom so I am not going back to full time childcare. (I live too far away for it to be possible).