Abandoned

Thank you NudeJude and Ana the link I posted works fine, it's on page one here and the article itself was in last Saturday's Daily Mail.

KatyK - that is am interesting comment - the daughter made a new friend whose family are rather overpowering, I have seen things like that a few times, in fact it is what may be going on with DD2 at the moment. However I will not enter into a power struggle, I will take my chance when it arises and then see how the land lies.
I refuse to sit back and allow my adult children to control me. I am looking for a new house and a new car and I wont be financing any more cars for them.
SPF

Ive never written on Gransnet before although I often read the chats. But I feel strongly that some people are being a bit hard on Gracesgran for no reason that I can see. The emoticon she used is often used in a jokey way and I didnt read it as an attack on anyone but as a quite reasonable dig at a newspaper. I feel th responses have not been in the spirit of Gransnet which is supposed to be supportive and usually is.
Im lucky n that we have regular family get togethers even if only every fw months and that my daughr and daughters in law regularly phone or text with family news - and my sons too sometitimes but thy are not so informative, its more on the lines of 'We are ok, are you ok? Bye!

I do think it is quite important if you are going to use emojis that you use the right one so everyone understands. Don't use them much myself as I cant work out what half of them are meant to be!

My elder son lives in Ukraine, my daughter in California, and my younger son in Dubai. We see my sons about twice a year, and my daughter less often. However we Skype regularly, and I do feel that we are part of their lives and that they are making an effort to make sure that the grandchildren don't forget what we look like. We used to go to California every year, but now find the journey and time difference too much. I say frequently that we brought them up to be independent and can't complain when they behave that way. We have just filled our own lives with lots of other activities, and are fortunate to have the health to do them.

Well said "maryEJB". I agree, and recently I feel that posts "not in the spirit" of this website are increasing. It's almost as if some individuals who post are "policing" the forums and threads waiting to hit the keyboard to reprimand anyone who doesn't share their point of view; or takes offence at comments. It is especially intimidating when people "gang up" on individuals. Sometimes I feel almost apprehensive and reluctant about posting a point of view incase I incur the wrath of fellow posters, but then bite the bullet and post anyway.

Using a username I think is meant to protect us all. Hiding behind a username to subject users to humiliation and intimidation simply because of their point of view is an abuse of the system, almost akin to "trolling".

rosesarered, shame on you. Read my post again which I believe you have deliberately misinterpreted in order to "have a go" "take the moral high ground" whatever. "I don't know where you're coming from" is a modern take on I don't follow your line of thought. OK

Conni7 - so true. Our children are only 'lent' to us (I forget who said that but someone did) and, as you say, we bring them up to be independent, or we should do, so there's no reason to be surprised when they develop their own lives and their own interests and perhaps become adventurous and move away. I've made a new rule to call each of mine every two weeks, whether I've heard from them or seen them or not. That way I am keeping in touch but not overpowering them. I really don't want them to see my number on their phone and think 'oh, no, it's Mum again' and have nothing much to say to me.

right back atcha tigger.

That means you completely misinterpreted MY post, so go back and read it again.

I don't see my DD very often, but to save me from being lonely she left me with custody of her 3 children! (all under 5) ??

That was kind of her! I love my GCs dearly, but look at DGD and just know that she is going to be her DM all over again when in her teens. I'm afraid this time round I wouldn't have the energy to keep her on the straight and narrow - for which DD is, in retrospect, very grateful.

Was it a recycled article, because I've found this article from 2013 and it sounds similar?

"ouch" rosesarered - very thorny. Why would I read your post again?

Haven't RTFT but I eventually went NC with my mum because I couldn't stand her. Even before that I I only visited out of some sort of 'duty' - she was a spiteful uncaring women.

I think you reap what you sow in some cases.

Ladies! Ladies! It's all getting a bit heated about the DM. I read the Telegraph which must speak volumes about who I am, my priorities and my politics according to some GN's. To get back to the subject we are in transition with the DGS' as the little one is now at 'big school' and we are not needed as much on a daily basis. It has meant no more very early starts to our days which I LOVE!!! The parents have recently split and DS is back with us on a temporary basis, so we do see the boys from time to time but DIL is being difficult asking for times when she knows we are unavailable (she has a list of times) and is making excuses when we are available. We were prepared for the gradual withdrawal of help but this slamming of the door has been a bit painful. However we are reasonably fit and well and will get on with life until we are needed again. Heyho!

Your post could have omitted the 'Ladies! Ladies!' Bennan that's not really acceptable.

Pity, because I found the rest of your post interesting.

Does the "Haven't RTFT" in Bee's post mean she hasn't read the Financial Times?

I often wonder when mothers are described as 'uncaring and spiteful' etc what has made them like this. I don't believe anyone is like this towards their own child without good reason. Or am I being naïve?

KatyK- you are right in thinking that there will be reasons behind every choice. Personally I have taken over 15 years of nasty treatment from DD1 such as seeing DGC provided I comply with whatever is the current demand. DD2 could be a wee bit that way but not as much. She is ramping it up just now so I am shortening the time I am prepared to take a load of rubbish treatment. There is a big age difference between DDs which is why DD1 got so many years of treating me and others now deceased badly and using DGC as pawns in the game! I may seem hard now but there have been gallons of tears over the years.
SPF

I'm sorry to hear of your treatment SPF As I said before, my DD would never be deliberately horrible to me.

Anya why isn't the term "Ladies, ladies" acceptable?

For the same reason that 'calm down dear' isn't acceptable tigger

Anya, you still haven't answered the question. However, would you prefer 'hey chaps, let's all play nicely'.

By the way I thought your second post to Bennan was patronising. Perhaps she was too much of a lady to say so.