Having a favourite child/ grandchild.

Yes. You're right there PPP.

I loved both of my parents dearly, but somehow I loved my dad more.

I love both of my children equally, but when they were little, my son was a lot easier whilst my daughter was a challenge. Now they are adults I am probably closer to my daughter, but love them both as much as each other.

I now have two grandchildren (4 and 1). Love them both but perhaps the older one a bit more, as I've known him longer, but the little one is claiming more of my heart as she grows!

Strange thing, love!

One DGD has the sweetest heart and is the kindest child I have ever met. Another has a beautiful smile and cheeky grin and can make you laugh very easily. My other DGC is difficult to deal with sometimes for many reasons but all 3 are my favourites and I love them all equally in different ways. My heart worries for them all, each one totally unique, totally special and totally loved.

I can't see that being the case, nina - they have been together for twenty four years, and my grandson is only eight. It was never an issue before.

I think there is a difference between loving them all the same and liking them the same. I love all of mine but can say that I like a certain one that little bit more, perhaps because he is just a more likeable person?

Some people just get on better with certain others in that they share things like a sense of humour, personality traits etc., which makes them easier to like for somebody with a similar character. This is neither deliberate nor was it ever intended, it's just the way life is.

Greyduster do you think it's possible the other grannie treats your DGS differently because his DF and DM are partners and not married?
She is out of order if this is the case, silly woman but it's just a thought.
Her loss is your gain

My grandson has another granny who completely ignores him and has done almost from day one. She never seeks to see him, or enquire after him, and DD and her partner have now given up on the relationship. She has two other grandchildren with whom she seems to have a perfectly normal grandmotherly relationship. A case of favouritism in extremis. It's not a boys preferred over girls thing - the others are one of each. I often wonder what - or if - my grandson (8) thinks about it. He never mentions her and gets more than enough grandparently love and attention from us, but still....I don't understand it and it has always upset me.

princesspamma you have described exactly what I tried to say earlier and I agree absolutely!

Children are remarkable astute and instinctive at sussing out pecking orders and there always is one in any grouping, whether it's children, grandchildren, siblings, friends or colleagues. It's human nature to prefer one person over another without it meaning that you don't care about the less preferred!

Maybe I am talking more about "like" than "love" but there is a close correlation.

I am a bit late to this thread too princesspamma however for what its worth;

I have 3 DGC. They are all my favourites but for different reasons and at different times. I normally have all three on a Monday night and take them to school on a Tuesday morning, but last night (for the first time ever) I only had my little grandson (5). This morning on the way to school he asked me if he could sleep at grandmas house on his own all of the time, without his sisters as he had the best time. What he really means is that he had mine and his grandads full undivided attention. Last night I lay in bed overwhelmed by how much love I felt for him. This morning having met his sisters in the school yard I couldn't wait to cuddle them and tell them how much I loved and missed them last night. It's funny this love business isn't it?

This is probably too late, but I only just saw the thread! My perspective is totally different - I am not a grandparent or parent, and I speak purely as the grandchild I was. I adored my maternal grandmother, and I always, always knew that I was her favourite. She loved each of her 6 grandchildren totally, spent lots of quality time with them, and spoilt them all rotten, but without a word ever being said, we each knew that the other was our favourite person, and that there was an extra-special bond between us. With my other grandmother, without anything ever being said, I was always aware that, while she loved me, another child was preferred to me - my cousin, the preferred one, knew it just as instinctively! So I think that it is natural to have a favourite, it happens more often than not, if we are honest, but the important thing is not to favour that child outwardly. Another example from my - obvs dysfunctional! - family. My aunt has two grandchildren, the eldest is a boy apon whom she frankly dotes, and a slightly younger granddaughter who can do very little right for her. She is absolutely open that she prefers boys anyway, plus he was the first grandchild from her only son, but they all know the pecking order because she doesn't treat them equally. Not good.

I seem to have touched a nerve with some people

No-one seems to have had a nerve touched

That's a very good distinction between treating children equally and treating them fairly When.

I think the nerve touched was your belief that we all had a favourite grandchild Daddima and if we happened to disagree we were "pretending."

I have 7 grandchildren now and they're ALL my favourites. They know I treat them fairly when I don't treat them equally. Some need more time, cuddles, money and suchlike so as to meet their differing needs, but I would give my life for any one of them. No pretending to disagree - we obviously have different outlooks about them.

from. not for

There is a certain young feller who I fell completely in love with the moment I first set eyes on him, shortly after he was born. I just can't help the feeling of him being so special to me. Maybe it's because he's got my mother's eyes.

That doesn't take away at all for the equal love I feel for all of them, kids and grandkids.

I think there is definitely a danger in showing favouritism, but any grandparent worth their salt will be able to treat all their much loved grandchildren equally.

I seem to have touched a nerve with some people, who have taken to ignoring my saying that we LOVE them all equally.

I have said to both my DC in the past "I may not like you at times but I will always love you" and it's very true and they know it.
Our two DGC are very different personalities and the one with special needs is a real charmer. I confess I prefer his personality. I love them both equally.

My three grandchildren are so different, each being the own person, the three are special to me , no one more special than the other two, I adore the three

There's an article in today's Times about the dangers of favouritism, written by a woman who is estranged from her sister because the sister was their mother's favourite.

Apparently research has shown, contrary to what might be thought, that the favourite child has more problems in later life and is more prone to depression. Something to do with having to meet high expectations, being the favoured one.

I love my 3 DCs equally. But there are things about each of them that I particularly like.

Perhaps daddima believes that one of his/her siblings was the favourite in the family?

All my DC and DGC are special in their own way and I can honestly say that don't have a favourite - I love them all!

So what if they each have a special place in your heart? A different special place each because of their different personalities?

Or what if none of them have?

Why are you convinced this favourite thing is true of everyone, daddima?

Now, I did say that you don't LOVE any of them less, but just that there's one of them who has a special wee place in your heart.

I've only one to love wholeheartedly but I asked my SILs who have 18 between them. They said they didn't have favourites and loved them all equally. I believe them.

I'm firmly in the no favourite camp. Must admit I find it strange that grandparents might have a favourite grandchild.