Gransnet forums


Having a favourite child/ grandchild.

(60 Posts)
Daddima Mon 23-Nov-15 13:25:30

Now, I know many people will pretend to disagree, but I firmly believe that every parent has a favourite child, and every grandparent has a favourite grandchild.

This is not to say that you love any of them any less, but there might just be one that has a special place in your heart ( for whatever reason)

glassortwo Mon 23-Nov-15 13:28:38

I dont think that I have a favourite out of the 7 DGC, but they all have their moment when they are in the front of your thoughts.

thatbags Mon 23-Nov-15 13:34:32

If you firmly believe it and think anyone who disagrees is just pretending, why have you started a thread about it? Seems a bit pointless hmm

Greyduster Mon 23-Nov-15 13:36:16

I suppose it's never a problem I will have because I only have one one grandchild and there will, it seems, be no more. He is the absolute light of our lives!

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 23-Nov-15 13:52:49

At first I was going to post this:

I disagree, and I am not pretending. All of mine have got their special good points.

But then I thought about it! shock

I'm not saying anymore. (Norty Granny!)

Gagagran Mon 23-Nov-15 14:15:52

I think it's true and I think the DC and DGC have it sussed from an early age. There's no fooling them - they know which one is the favourite even though you are extra careful to try and treat them all exactly the same.

My Mum didn't even try! My big brother was always her shining prince.

HildaW Mon 23-Nov-15 14:28:59

thatbags...well said.

I heartily disagree. I have always been of the opinion that having favourites is a sign of something amiss in a family.....I know this from experience, my father did favourites and it was always the one of us who showed the most compliance.

If you truly love your children the concept of favourites is inconsistent. Love is just does not vary. (Did not a famous playwright say something similar but much better)

I can however, understand not liking a child for a might only be for a brief period, after they have shown a sign of their character you do not like, but deep down you still love them.

ginny Mon 23-Nov-15 14:45:47

I too totally disagree.

I love each of my 3DDs just as much as each other. I have things that I particularly like in each of them but my love for ll them is unconditional.

Also love DGS and I'm pretty sure when our new DGC comes along in February I will him / her just as much.

How horrible for any son or daughter to feel that a sibling is favoured and I do believe they would know.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 23-Nov-15 14:45:48

Nothing amiss in my family! hmm

And of course you love them all. And you would never, ever, let on about having a favourite - even to yourself very often.

Gagagran Mon 23-Nov-15 15:06:01

Exactly jings! Of course we adore them all but there is one who has a little special place in your heart. It's not something for publication though. (Even though I do think they know)

JamJar1 Mon 23-Nov-15 15:27:38

I'm firmly in the no favourite camp. Must admit I find it strange that grandparents might have a favourite grandchild.

mollie Mon 23-Nov-15 15:31:17

I've only one to love wholeheartedly but I asked my SILs who have 18 between them. They said they didn't have favourites and loved them all equally. I believe them.

Daddima Mon 23-Nov-15 16:48:27

Now, I did say that you don't LOVE any of them less, but just that there's one of them who has a special wee place in your heart.

thatbags Mon 23-Nov-15 16:58:37

So what if they each have a special place in your heart? A different special place each because of their different personalities?

Or what if none of them have?

Why are you convinced this favourite thing is true of everyone, daddima?

rosequartz Mon 23-Nov-15 17:02:23

Perhaps daddima believes that one of his/her siblings was the favourite in the family?

All my DC and DGC are special in their own way and I can honestly say that don't have a favourite - I love them all!

janeainsworth Mon 23-Nov-15 17:05:18

There's an article in today's Times about the dangers of favouritism, written by a woman who is estranged from her sister because the sister was their mother's favourite.

Apparently research has shown, contrary to what might be thought, that the favourite child has more problems in later life and is more prone to depression. Something to do with having to meet high expectations, being the favoured one.

I love my 3 DCs equally. But there are things about each of them that I particularly like.

Anniebach Mon 23-Nov-15 17:06:48

My three grandchildren are so different, each being the own person, the three are special to me , no one more special than the other two, I adore the three

ninathenana Mon 23-Nov-15 17:15:53

I have said to both my DC in the past "I may not like you at times but I will always love you" and it's very true and they know it.
Our two DGC are very different personalities and the one with special needs is a real charmer. I confess I prefer his personality. I love them both equally.

Daddima Mon 23-Nov-15 17:54:01

I think there is definitely a danger in showing favouritism, but any grandparent worth their salt will be able to treat all their much loved grandchildren equally.

I seem to have touched a nerve with some people, who have taken to ignoring my saying that we LOVE them all equally.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 23-Nov-15 18:41:30

There is a certain young feller who I fell completely in love with the moment I first set eyes on him, shortly after he was born. I just can't help the feeling of him being so special to me. Maybe it's because he's got my mother's eyes.

That doesn't take away at all for the equal love I feel for all of them, kids and grandkids.

jinglbellsfrocks Mon 23-Nov-15 18:41:55

from. not for

whenim64 Mon 23-Nov-15 18:48:40

I have 7 grandchildren now and they're ALL my favourites. They know I treat them fairly when I don't treat them equally. Some need more time, cuddles, money and suchlike so as to meet their differing needs, but I would give my life for any one of them. No pretending to disagree - we obviously have different outlooks about them.

JamJar1 Mon 23-Nov-15 18:51:44

I think the nerve touched was your belief that we all had a favourite grandchild Daddima and if we happened to disagree we were "pretending." smile

janeainsworth Mon 23-Nov-15 19:38:02

That's a very good distinction between treating children equally and treating them fairly When.

rosequartz Mon 23-Nov-15 20:09:11

I seem to have touched a nerve with some people

No-one seems to have had a nerve touched smile