gay/lesbions

I was not suggesting that religion was behind ladybird's op, simply wondering, in view of a comment on another thread, if that was a factor in her apparent worrying.
I agree with you about religious prejudices but don't particularly want to revisit the arguments which appeared a year or so ago in that context.

I have had a gay bil and the only thing I found hard to deal with was the pil and the exh who tried to make out that he was totally straight. Various members of my family met him and just accepted that this was a friendly chatty person, who sometimes acted like a spoilt child and had opinions on all sorts. No-one on my side of the family had ever met someone like this but with good manners they just accepted the person in front of them as being human, good and bad sides to his character just like all the rest of us. He was accepted as was/is. His parents were looked at as strange that they could not (would not) see what all the rest of us could see.
He was better company than the "straight" brother that I married.
SPF

ladybird What do you mean "deal with"? I don't understand.

Surely someone's sexuality is just one part of who they are and there are many other parts that make them who they are. Yes, of course, there are still ignorant and unkind, even violent people who deeply disapprove of those who don't conform to their idea of the norm. Absentdaughter is heterosexual, so we have that in common, and my grandchildren are still young enough not yet to have explored their sexuality. The oldest is a newly teenage boy and I am sure his hormones are beginning to surge. Whatever his – or the others when puberty happens – I don't think it's really an issue for me. Do heterosexual grandchildren discuss their sexuality with their grandmothers? I don't think so and probably assume that we have no idea about sex as the young people still have to invent it. I am not relevant although I am always open to any sort of discussion that they might want if they are confused or unhappy. They are my grandchildren; I love them.

My youngest daughter is gay. I knew before she told me. It is of no consequence at all she is my wonderful daughter her sexual orientation is an essential part of her and I love her to bits.i treat her partner like another daughter and love her as well.

Part of my counselling work is with adolescents and one of the issues sometimes brought is how to help a young person "come out" to their peers. There is prejudice out there but young people will often taunt anything which is seen as "different " from the crowd but there is huge support out there now. Stonewall is an excellent organisation for information for anyone and FFLAG is for friends and family of Lesbian and Gay young people

Well said MOnica. Prejudice is exactly that, no matter what kind of religion/politics/other issue it's dressed up or disguised in.

I have a gay grandson who is Russian and lives in Russia and I am always very worried about him with the Russian attitude towards gays. He is 18 years of age and attends a University in Russia. His mother was killed in a car crash when he was 18 months old and he has lived with his grandparents ever since. My son, his father, lives in Warsaw with his wife and family and was persuaded to give custody of Anton to his grandparents as at the time he was travelling a lot in his job. Anton was accepted at a few universities in this country but none of us could afford the funding. I continually worry about him as he is very outspoken in what he believes and I am always dreading hearing that he has been attacked or even worse, but I can't do anything about it. At least he is on Facebook so I can keep contact with him.

Deal with it?? My twin grandson came out age 20, but it was no surprise to anyone - my DD used to say he was the daughter she never had

I agree with most of above - we are so modern and enlightened aren't we?
However can I just remind everyone that the laws we base our views on are relatively new.
Gay relationships were legalised in 1967 - I was 14 by then,
it was 1980 in Scotland and 1982 in Northern Ireland.
Real protection for all only came in 2010 and marriage in 2014
There are some countries where gay relationships are not legal and if we believe what we read gay men are thrown off buildings by ISIS in 2015
Of course most of us support this legislation and find that many of our family members can now live happy fulfilling lives openly but let's not pretend that it was ever thus and the original question is in some way unacceptable.

Maybe Ladybird is aware that her views or feelings are out of step with the more liberal views expressed here, and that's what she is asking for help in dealing with. If so, I applaud her - she may have grown up with homophobic views but wanting now to reassess faced with someone she loves coming out as gay. Sadly it looks as though the very right-on sisters on Gransnet have scared her away. Shame.

I think that the idea that a person is taught to think one way all their life and then within a very short space of time they are expected to throw that out of the window and believe the complete opposite. Yes, if we are well informed, well read and educated we are sceptical and adaptable. However, what about those brought up in very strict homes where dissent is not tolerated? I feel every sympathy for them as they struggle to adapt their views. I imagine that the unthinkingly liberal of outlook are going to be disobliged themselves one day as their capricious beliefs are bound to be challenged and sneered at even as they sneer at others.

I remember a friend smugly pointing out that my children would inevitably challenge my views as they grew up. I was completely OK with that as I have brought them up to be independently minded, to read voraciously, to be well informed and to be able to evaluate and distinguish between fact and opinion and to be logical, empirical and sceptical. What do I care what they think as long as they are rational? So, to be mischievous, I turned the idea round on her to reveal to her own prejudices. I said, 'Yes, it happens to everyone. I imagine your children will be standing as candidates for the Conservative party when they grow up.' Well. The woman literally turned green as she had never considered this angle. Hilarious.

And, no, I have no issues with either gay or not gay. But I know that everyone of my generation will have a context for their beliefs as public opinion and the law were very, very different before the eighties.

In a way I can understand ladybird's question - similar to a white girl wanting to marry a black man, as our daughter did at one time. Going against the previously accepted norms.
I supported her choice, he was a nice enough man, but privately was worried about the feelings of mixed race children (others on here will no doubt disagree.)
Strangely enough his family was stongly opposed to them marrying, prejudice exists everywhere.

I would worry for any harassment they might endure but that would be minimal these days compared with years ago. It would not bother me.

I was listening to Sandi Toksvig on Desert Island discs last week and she had at one time been told by various media producers that she should not reveal her "status".

Fortunately now so many "celebrities" have had the courage to come out in public that many more people are accepting this as not a problem.

Although I am sure deep seated and nasty prejudice still goes on.

ladybird9, you don't need to do anything different to how you would deal with heterosexuals. A person's sexuality is no one's business but their own.
When a very much loved Niece "came out" I was very upset.
Not for myself, but for my Niece, she had struggled with her feelings and identity and was terrified at how family and friends would react.

Thankfully, everyone reacted in the perfect way.

Personally, I believe that present day society is wrong. Gays/lesbians and whatever have been born since time began, so, to me they are normal.

Real love, is unconditional.

Well done ladybird9 for having the courage to post in the first place. I believe you did the right thing in asking for help and advice.

It could be that ladybird9 might be in a family or reigious culture where being gay is considered to be a real problem.

This could potentially lead to her and the gay person being ostracised by all family and friends.

It is not always quite as simple as it sounds to just say accept it.

Exactly- I know many people who are Christians who have no problem with gays and lesbians- but they are still in the minority. The Bible seems quite clear on this- being gay is not a problem, but being sexually active as a gay person, is. Which is why my niece has chosen celibacy, and in the 40s, my aunt suicide. Which ironically would also condemn her to damnation- so she might as well have gotten with her life and enjoyed it ..

Such a shame- but that is the way it is.

Have you noticed that those who do regularly talk about their strong faith- have been so far silent on this thread?

Well, I spoke up and I am a catholic. Personally, I do not know anyone with religious convictions who feels uncomfortable if people are gay/lesbian. I would say that the majority of main stream christians, regardless of denomination have exactly the same attitude as the majority of the population. Certainly some of fundamentalist and evangelistic groups express homophobic views, but they are not the majority. Similarly many African people have problems accepting homosexuality, but that is more cultural than religious, - as I said covering themselves with the cloak of religion to justify unjustifiable views.

Ladybird,Here's an answer from one who's never run with the crowd.I think it would be perfectly natural to be affected in some way if your child turned out to be gay.I know I would.But,at the end of the day,it is still your child,it isn't a big deal today.In time you will get used to it.After all,what's the alternative. I wouldn't have thought many people would bat an eyelid today.

It can't be easy as a Catholic, as the RC Church is still very much relying on the Bible- and if one is Christian, I don't really see how it can be avoided. The texts are quite clear- being gay is accepted, but not being sexually active if one is.

Now I have no religion at all- so for me, I have no problem with accepting gays totally on par. But if one believes in the Scriptures- it must be difficult. As soon as said before, if you begin to pick and choose what you want out of the Bible- then it becomes very difficult, surely. Either you do, or you don't. I am glad I don't as it frees me to do as I think is right.

Christianity is based on the new testament not the old, unless St Paul had a say on the subject, I am not sure homosexuality is even mentioned in the new testament.

I am, and have always been free to do as I think right. You do not have to 'believe in the scriptures' to be a Christian. At the end of the day the scriptures are more the writings of individual writers within their time than God-given documents, they often conflict.Even religions like Islam, who do believe their sacred scriptures are God given do not always agree on their interpretation.

From Catholic.com:

Confirming this fact is the New Testament’s forceful rejection of homosexual behavior as well. In Romans 1, Paul attributes the homosexual desires of some to a refusal to acknowledge and worship God. He says, "For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a base mind and to improper conduct. . . . Though they know God’s decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them" (Rom. 1:26–28, 32).

Elsewhere Paul again warns that homosexual behavior is one of the sins that will deprive one of heaven: "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Cor. 6:9–10, NIV).

All of Scripture teaches the unacceptability of homosexual behavior. But the rejection of this behavior is not an arbitrary prohibition. It, like other moral imperatives, is rooted in natural law—the design that God has built into human nature.

Ladybird- tell us what prompted you make this post. Otherwise people might make assumptions that are way off the mark.

And yet I am sue that I have read that it is believed that St Paul was himself homosexual.
Perhaps denying that part of himself vehemently.

I can understand if Ladybird has gone away. I don't know how old she is, but she may find it difficult to accept if a beloved grandchild has told her he/she is gay if she is a much older granny.
However tolerant and accepting many people are nowadays, there are always some who will not be. And an older person may find it difficult 'to deal with' particularly if, say, young DGC is coming with a partner to stay for Christmas.
Ladybird, don't be put off by some of the holier-than-thou people you may meet, or by people who are prejudiced. They are your beloved family and you will love them just the same and 'deal with it' as you would with any other loved family member and their partner.

Reactions can be very sad.
I had a friend whose dd is bisexual, when she told her parents they told her they never wanted to see her again and their other daughter has not seen her since and refuses her any contact with the two nieces.

Now an ex-friend because I was so shocked.

Being homosexual is not a 'problem' for RC and other denominations- but being a practising homosexual. I've discussed this often with my sincerely Catholic niece- who has chosen celibacy due to the rulings of her Church. I find it very sad, but I truly respect her. She has decided that either she is a Catholic and follows the Bible and the teachings and rulings, or she is not.

My nephew on the other hand emigrated to Canada, as he didn't want to upset his parents and community and be rejected. He is no longer religious and very happy with his much older partner.

Gransneters foud it weird that I wouldn't get married in Church, or be a Godmother, with my fingers crossed behind my back, because I am not a believer. Fair enough. My Christian friends and family appreciate that I respect their faith and do not 'pretend when it suits me'. Each to their own.