Split in family

Sorry to read your update Allie, it does sound a real emotional minefield that everyone is involved in. Luckylegs, I suspect you may be (understandably) a bit confused about which of the boys lived with the stepfather. From memory, it was the 14 year old who loved step dad and wanted to stay with him and his new baby half sister. It is so sad that step dad has clearly got himself in a mess. Families are never perfect but it does sound as though families on both sides have stepped in and are trying to support the 14 year old and the baby. Sadly, grandparents, or indeed any relative, is rarely in a position to "sort them out". There is already a rift within the family, I'm sure Allie will be doing her best not to make matters worse.
SW is likely to take the line of least resistance and leave well alone, unless there are safeguarding issues within the extended family that could be worse than the damage caused by removing children. 14 year olds are always listened to, and their views taken seriously. Sending best wishes Allie

Sounds like you had a good conversation with M, Alie. Glad to hear it! You're in a very tricky position, though, and I just hope you can keep the delicate balance you're trying to keep for as long as you need to. Keeping my fingers crossed!

Glad you're going to see the baby soon! Hope you have a wonderful time!

As for the older boy, I think Iam is right about the SW. Also, as long as he's safe and well-cared-for, I'm not sure moving him again would be the best idea. These kids have been through enough trauma! It doesn't seem as if K could take him back, right now, anyhow, am I wrong? So unless you're willing and able to take him in, or some other family member, he could end up with strangers. It would be great if he could be reunited with K, but from what you're telling us, I don't see that happening any time soon.

Sorry, hit the post button before I meant to.

What I mean is, even though he gave you a paper that gives you authority to act on the boy's behalf, can you bring him to K while he's on remand? Is the paper even legally ok, do you know? I'm getting the impression that you have to go through the SW, no matter what, and like Iam, I doubt she's going to switch the boy's home again, right now.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours...

Baby half brother, please Iam!

Yes Wendysue you may well be right. No calls while I have been out, so no SW contact. I will start again on Monday!

Have seen L and baba (small k) today, and cleared up at least one bit of misinformation, and I think I know where it originated.....

I'm actually trying to defuse the situation if I possibly can. I do know now that M doesn't want to lose me, his grandmother....however more talk is indicated I think.
It's fairly obvious he has been lied to at least once. But he's also trying to wriggle out of his responsibility for some things!

Yes, apologies Allie, baby half brother of course.

A lie, I've only just caught up with this and i had been wondering where you had got to - all explained now. You have lots of advice here so I'd just like to say that I am thinking about you and to send you (((hugs))).

Thanks kitty.
Will see K tomorrow if all goes right...oh lord I still have to find my ID.
This is awkward as I have no current passport and have mislaid my driving licence. I will take everything I have including my bus pass with photo!

Seen K, but only got one hour instead of two.....at least he has seen small k again. He looked very well, but detests being in there.

I took all possible ID and some of it passed.

Now ploughing through phone calls I don't want to make (DVLA etc) but have at last arranged to see the social worker, tomorrow.

Social worker (A.G.) seems an improvement on the last one, who did some rather unprofessional things and was not liked....this one seems very young but more caring and spent an hour and a half here listening and questioning.
I told her most things.

She has now seen K's letter asking for me to act on K's behalf in the interest of my 14 year old grandson KN. She will see K himself on Monday.

I've asked her to get me the phone number of my other grandson who is looking after KN. And realised as I said this, that I am quite scared to contact him seeing how hostile he was last time we spoke....

Oh, Alie how awful for you but at least your SW seems kind and interested. I have no advice but you know someone who knows more will be along in a while. In the meantime, as always, (((hugs))) and keep talking to us as you hang on in there.

kitty I could swear I posted here two days ago, and it's not here. Bother.

Still no contact with grandson KN, the 14 year old.
Tomorrow I go to a 'core meeting' with L and social worker and others in Oxford. The first effects of having this letter, it gets me in.

It's about L fostering small k, at least for now.
I'm very unsure how I proceed from here, re KN.

Good luck today Alie - let us know what happens.

I've posted loads of stuff recently but found it has disappeared.

Hi there.
This session turned out rather frustrating for me. It was of course basically about the baby, but kept touching on his 14-year old half brother KN and there is a lot to be sorted out there. Small k will be all right with L., I think.

The SW wants to set up another meeting about KN, but I feel quite strongly that I need to speak to both KN and the brother who is looking after him at present. Before. So I should phone her.

Also, I am picking up the possibility that this SW, (following the impressions of the last one) is putting the problems with the brothers down to paranoia on the part of K.... and maybe not believing the stories of harassment and threats. Or thinking it exaggerated.
I have told her I reported it to the police in October.

And I am feeling quite depressed having had counselling since and feeling completely invalidated, in my reaction to my sister's lack of sympathy on finding that KN had been sent to the brother who threatened K. I don't feel supported.

Someone else who knows what they are talking about will be along with advice Alie but I've been looking out for an update from you - thank you for letting us know what is going on.

You know we are hear for you to rant at so please do. And have areally heartfelt ((hug)).

Thanks kitty.

Depression still there, but determined to go to my singing group, since I said I would go last night. Hoping it will help.

Enjoyed the singing. Several people from the group welcomed me and were concerned about me. It has taken a long while for me to go into a group of people without my friend Mary!

Counselling today....now feeling very tired! I talked out the problem last session, with 'J' and she has helped...the problem really was the relationship between me and my sister...I expect we will come back to that....

I will phone the social worker today. There, now I have to.

Alie all this must be so utterly draining for you. Keep posting when you feel up to it. Sometimes, just putting pen to paper (even if it's virtual) helps you let off steam a bit and also helps consolidate your thoughts

Yes - going to bed early tonight. This does help.
I had to leave a message for the social worker....

to you AlieOxon and prayers for you feeling better soon.

When my DS is really either angering me or upsetting me, I now write my feelings down in a book. I do want to keep it, just to remind me when he leaves how hurtful he could be but then I don't want him finding it neither as this would really upset him. But it helps, even if I get to destroying it sometime.

Or last night, when my blood was boiling, I took the dog out, and it was pitch black and 11 pm. Not advisable, but I had to get out to let off some steam.

I'm another one who often writes in a journal. Not necessarily an events-of-the-day thing but my thoughts and feelings. It means a lot to me and helps when I'm upset about something and need to sort out my emotions. Please remember, too, Alie, that even if you don't feel supported by your sister and so on, you have plenty of support here. Please keep reaching out to us. (((Hugs)))

HiAlie - just to say that we are all hear 'listening' and standing with you.

Thanks folks. Glad to be listened to.

Next job, to get hold of the social worker to speak to, hopefully tomorrow.
Still no answer from KN re Xmas money. Will text him.

I've left a text for KN and a message for the SW.

But....I have heard on the grapevine that KN's brothers are going to try and take the Parental Responsibility from K. Can they do this???