Split in family

Oh dear Alie more worry for you.Who is looking after the children that K has not taken with him? Where has be taken them? If he had a breakdown, should he be looking after any of them? Can you help out with the DGC?
Talk to M as much as you can to find out what is happening.?

K took the kids (14 and 1) to his sister's. Now the baby is there - and the 14-year-old is with the third (half) brother, sent by the sister when she couldn't cope. (She says it was late at night and I was too far away.)

I think this is the biggest mistake ever, because he now wants to stay there......and I find this very worrying.

....and K has parental responsibility....he's not happy. BUT he flipped and got in trouble and is now on remand. I have a letter from him to say I may act for the 14 year old....and I don't know what the hell to do.

Nothing can be done yet. I haven't talked to the social worker involved, who hasn't seen the letter - and I think doesn't know about it - because she cancelled seeing me twice before Xmas.

All K was trying to do was to keep himself and the kids together as Jayne wanted. (They had talked about his when she had a cervical smear scare last year.)

He has been bullied and hounded out of his home, having lost his partner, and now is away from the kids too....he's lost everything.

I am not surprised he flipped, though. No-one could make sensible decisions in the position he was in.

Oh god, I really don't know what to say AllieO, but I think talking to M might be good, especially since he's contacted you.
What does acting for the 14 year old mean? Is it like a guardian?

Yes, but not legal unless I go to court. I have seen a solicitor, but not continuing at present.

I have phoned the SW Dept but I think they are all on holiday - I know there may be a number for emergencies but this isn't one just now.... I left a message.

So very sorry to hear this, Alie, I don't know what to say, but sending every good wish to you and the family.

Why are you not happy about the fourteen-year-old living with K's sister? Is he happy there, and is the sister ok having him? Why not leave him there?

No. I've got that wrong. Sorry.

If he was there it would be ok. He is with the third halfbrother - who is one of the people who threatened K.....read previous posts, please....

Ok, you have.

A fourteen-year-old needs a responsible adult looking after him. Is the half brother married or with a partner? He will be alright for a while, then see what the social worker says after the holiday.

Yes he has partner, says they married, and a young baby. Baby is my great-grandson and I have never seen him.

Alie no idea what to say (sorry pretty useless really) just that you have been through so much. and ((huggs)) and hope things get resolved soon.

I have no idea what to say apart from you are in my thoughts and hope that there is something done urgently when SW offices open tomorrow.

First, Alie, my deepest sympathies on the loss of your DD. My heart goes out to you! Your grief is still probably quite fresh, I imagine, and it must be awful to have to deal with all these other issues on top of it. I am so very sorry.

I feel bad for K, as well, and I can see you do, also. It's beautiful, IMO, that you are so supportive of him. And wise, too, since, right now, he is your main connection with your younger GC.

You love your older GSs, too, though, and I imagine you value your relationship with them, as well. So while you "hate" what 2 of them "have done" - I think you mean turning on K? - I hope you can manage not to get in the middle/take sides.

That's why I'm concerned about what you want to say to M. If you're thinking of defending K, please don't. Too much chance of it's backfiring on you. They're adults, they need to work out their issues with each other or through the courts if it comes to that. True, K may not be up to speaking for himself, right now (sigh), but, IMO, you can't do it for him.

If you think he has more information about the 14-year-old and want to ask about that, fine. But I'm getting the impression that M was working along with the half brother who threatened K. Have I got that right? If so, and you want to move the boy out of the half brother's home, then discussing it with M is probably not such a good idea, IMO. It's only likely to end in a bitter argument. Better to work through the SW. I just hope she gets together with you soon.

But I'm confused - isn't the half brother the 14's half brother (or full brother), too? If so, why are you worried about the boy's living with him. Is it cuz he threatened K? Is K the boy's dad or a close stepdad? In either of those circumstances, I can see not wanting the boy to be with someone who is so against K. But unless you have other reasons to be concerned about his being there, for now, please take heart in the idea that he is safe and cared for.

Beyond that, it's a tricky situation, IMO. I doubt M would have more to say about it than to express his own biases. Again, I think you are better off waiting to talk to the SW. (If she cancels again, you can go to her supervisor.)

Still, I figure you should reply to M. It's the polite thing to do, his text was loving, and not answering might be taken as a sign that you're against him. But getting into a conversation... well, I don't know,,, it could end badly. Maybe just a brief text and see how it goes from there?

I hope and pray that everything works out for the best.

Wendysue, you may be right in some of what you say. But I don't think the older boys (and in spite of their age they are still boys!) are all working together. I want to see if I can - carefully - find out a little more.
I won't be defending K if I can avoid it.
In answer to your question, K is (or was) a close stepdad...or would have been, if they had married.

Hopefully, he hasn't answered yet, may see M tomorrow.

Seeing sister L and baby on Thursday.

Thanks for answering my questions, Alie!

Glad you're not planning to take sides when you talk to M. I understand your wanting to get more information but I'm glad you intend to try to do that "carefully."

But here, I'm a little lost:

"Hopefully, he hasn't answered yet, may see M tomorrow."

Hopefully, who hasn't answered whom yet?

Anyhow, good luck if you see M! Please let us know if he sheds any new light on the situation.

Still waiting for an answer from M!

Oh, I see. Thank you.

My love and thoughts are with you at this difficult time. You have had a terrible year, best wishes for it working out better soon.

The social worker for my dad has not yet been back in touch since before Christmas neither, I am expecting her to phone in the next few days.

Take care love. X

I talked to M for over two hours....still processing what I learned. I think he really has not been involved as much as the others, has been living 30 miles away in Swindon.....not that sure that all I heard was completely true though. He is obviously doubtful as to what the others had been doing, but didn't say much.

And guess what - as soon as he was out of the door for two seconds, the phone rang and it was K. and I was able to tell him that we - self, L and baby - are visiting on Saturday.

I don't at present want to tell either that I'm communicating with the other!
Bit awkward there, but I will not allow anyone (K) to stop me talking to the other.

This post has me puzzled. Unless Alex Oron has a disability that doesn't enable her to travel which alters everything, I would not rest until I knew those boys were OK , that would mean going in person, 15 miles is not too far to go and sort them out. Those boys have lost their mother, K had only been their unwanted stepdad for 2 years, they must be in a right state. It seems 7 months too long by far for that family not to see their grandmother.

Please, read previous posts.
I am Alie in Oxon!
Stepdad not unwanted!, not 7 months.
Can't stop now, going to Oxford.

Alie, what a terrible tangle. I hope this isn't having a bad effect on your own health. Take care of yourself. I have pm'd you.