What are the joys of grandparenting

Great news, Imperfect! Yay! (smile)

So pleased for you imperfecf

Imperfect You sound enthralled with the new arrival, and so you should be! How kind if SiL to give you the visitors' tickets - a small, practical gesture means a lot and shows you are welcome, (without intruding, of course!)

On a different note, this thread made me think about how WE, (particularly females), love to commiserate with each other when things go badly, and how having a moan is part of our psyche too. It is rare that WE take the time to congratulate each other on the good events in life and revel in other people's happiness, so the posts here really redress the balance. More of these please!

Lovely to read these posts and the joy many of us find in being grandparents. I think what most surprised me was the impact of seeing my children become parents, I'm so proud of them and my heart feels fit to burst when I see them playing with, reading to etc their own little ones.
We have 4 so far aged 8, 6, 5 and 2, our youngest DS is quite a but younger than his siblings so maybe there'll be more one day.
Our DD and her family spent last year travelling around Europe and N Africa in a motor home with her family and we met up with them twice and when the boys jumped down and ran to us after months of not seeing them I wept buckets! They're back now but planning to go and live in rural Spain, that's hard but I want them all to live the life they choose so they absolutely have my support for all that lies ahead.
I'm in my mid sixties now but still work full time (in our own small business) so I don't have the time I'd like to spend with them all but value it when we do and feel so blessed when they're all gathered around my table enjoying the food I've cooked for them, sharing wine (the adults) and laughter and I hope building solid family ties for when I'm not here anymore

Great post Cagsy. My close friend has a son in Oz at the moment. He is in a relationship with a lovely girl down there and my friend is terrified he will decide to stay. She does understand he must do what is right for him, but it will break her heart to have him so far away. Flights cost the earth and take for ever and she is not getting any younger. She won't say anything to him but I hope he is kind and understanding when he tells her and realises that mothers and sons never really break that umbilical cord do they?

imperfect, as others have said, you have much to look forward to with a degree of distance that you didn't have as a parent. Enjoy!

Yes, a beautiful post Cagsy, like many here, thank you. I truly feel that my visit made me morph into a granny!

I cannot imagine how hard it must be to have loved ones at a great distance - 62 miles is bad enough for me! But, you are so right - surely our job is to give them wings ...

There is a beautiful piece of writing by a philosopher called Khalil Gibran - I have tried to adopt this as my philosophy too:

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable

Where to start! I was totally unprepared for that rush of pure love when I held the first grandchild for the first time a few hours after the birth & each subsequent sweet smelling bundle.
I now have 6 of the little b****rs aged from 11 years to 18 months.
Each one is different & each one is precious.

The first time you get a 'kiss'
The first time they clearly say Grandma
The beaming smile when you go to pick them up fro their cot & they see it is you
When their faces light up as you walk in & they run to you
Sitting snuggled up before bed reading the same books you used to read to their dads.
When they whisper 'I love you Grandma'- the Christmas card with wobbly writing that says 'I love you soooooo much Grandma'
Cooking with them- yes it's messy but they love it.
Nativity plays
The first school uniform photo
Lately- seeing your eldest becoming 'cool' & setting off for big school looking a proper young man but still rushing for a hug at the end of the day when he comes out.
I don't know when all the magic will end - hopefully holding THIER babies
& starting over.

My favourite saying is still ' Your Grandchildren are your reward for not throttling your own children when they are teenagers'

just sit back & enjoy the ride. And stock up on headache pills!!

Granarchist I do feel for your friend, a friend of mine's DD and DGSs live in Hong Kong and another has a son who also followed his girlfriend to Oz and is getting married there in March. She puts on a brave face but cries thinking that any DGC will be on the other side of the planet.
There are a lot of lovely people on here who are experienced long distance GPs, I'm sure your friend could find support from some of their posts.
Imperfect27 I love that and his other writing on relationships in The Prophet, much there to learn from his wise words

Indeedy, I think I have bought and given more copies of that book than any other.

I LOVE The Prophet and this wonderful poem! I always have but understand it even more, now that my DDs are adults. IMO, understanding that our adult DDs and DSs don't really "belong to" us makes it so much easier to let go and not try too hard to influence their decisions and such.

Cagsy and GrandmaH - such beautiful, touching posts! You both brought (happy) tears to my eyes!

Cagsy, are you able to Skype or FaceTime with your DD and family when they are abroad? I hope so. I know it's not as good as being with them, but I understand it can help bridge the distance.

Granarchist, I hope your friend looks into those options, too.

Imperfect27 What a co-incidence. I had that reading in my hands yesterday and was about to put it on here for all those Grans whose children/grandchildren have travelled far and wide but I suddenly wondered if there would be rules of copy write and that stopped me. I do so love the poem especially the ending.

While I am living my son at the same time of searching for a property myself after my late husband died. I find great comfort in my grandaughter, who I look after if my son wants to go off and I meet her from the school bus each day. As she is only four and a half she still likes her paly doe and leggo, but we often play different games. It is so rewarding when she comes into the room before going to bed to give me a big hug or ask me to read her a story.
Each day I ask her what she has done today,
'Nothing' is the continous reply!
Of course this is not true as she goes to a private school, so has been dooing a lot of school work.

Re long distance son - yes there is no doubt that Skype will help my friend. In fact her DS is useless at communication but this girlfriend appears to be super organised so I think it will be her that initiates the calls. If it doesn't happen then I am going to put my size nines in and private message both the son and partner. I seem to get on with him very well and I think he will take it from me rather than his parents.

I too love The Prophet - but although the sentiment is right, it is nevertheless jolly hard not to feel hard done by!

I loved the idea that DGC are the reward for not throttling teenagers.

Greenfinch, my understanding is that as long as you attribute the writing to the author you are okay re copyright, but someone may know better.

Wendysue, the Prophet writings are very dear to me. I lost a daughter, aged 12, and we had the reading about Sorrow and Joy at her funeral and I gave a eulogy quoting from it.

To my mind, the Prophet's words on Children are all about letting go with love and 'the bending' recognises that parenting needs must be sacrificial. Cagsy - your words about your own family made me remember this writing and I thought to myself, you seem to be living this out ...

Thanks Imperfect.

I was so sorry to hear about your daughter. She was the arrow that you had to let go a very long way.

My grandchildren, aged 3 and 5, live in Dubai and I get to see them only twice a year for an extended stay. They are absolutely delightful and I love them to bits. They have just gone back and I miss them already, even though it took several days to get the house sorted and I'm slowly recovering my strength. We find Skype a great help and sometimes feel guilty because we can switch off and go and have a cup of coffee! I find the development of language fascinating, as I never had time to notice with my own three children. I agree with others that "I love you Granny" is so moving (I would have preferred to be Nana, but that was taken!).

My Grandchildren live in Finland - I see them approximately three times a year for, usually, two/three weeks at a time. I have been asked to fly over to assist each time one is born. Number three due February. I am delighted to be of assistance. I realised when I was there recently that I have taken my eldest Grandson to school more times than his father. I was working full time in those days and had a childminder to do that. We often meet for holidays in various countries e.g. Denmark and Portugal. My husband and I consider this a huge privilege that they want to share their holidays with us. They also come here to the UK at least once a year. We love every minute of being Grandparents but can't interfere or get too involved thank goodness because we are far enough away.

Imperfect27 Please bear with me whilst I explain...
I became an adoptive grandparent when my GS was 3 and a half. We had almost given up after miscarriages and unsuccessful IVF. There was a disastrous trip to adopt abroad with emotional visits to orphanges and after two weeks they decided to come home.

After such a stressful time they booked a holiday in Vegas. Whilst there, they decided they're happy as they are and would tell people they'd stopped looking, although they were still on the national register. The day they returned home they stopped at the supermarket and SiL wandered off to the tech dept whilst DD did the food shop. She told me, 'He was walking towards me with his phone in his hand and an expression on his face I just couldn't read.' He said, 'There's a little boy for us.' and they stood in the shop and hugged and cried.

It hasn't all been easy as GS had been in an abusive home, then an orphanage for 5 months, followed by a foster family, but that little boy is adorable and so precious I couldn't love him more if he was my biological grandson.

There have been many magical moments, but here is the most magical of all. When he was at the airport going home after Christmas he said, 'I don't want to leave you grandma. Not even just 20 cm away.'

That's the kind of wonderful love you will share with your grandchild; a love which is unconditional and overflowing, it will fill your very soul. You will feel young and full of life again, because this small being will be your everything.

Yes, lovely reassuring posts about grand parenting?

I have a lovely four month old grandson. i love looking after him during the day sometimes when she goes shopping etc, but recently she asked if I would have him overnight as she wanted to go out and celebrate her birthday. Unfortunately,I'm don't feel confident enough to have him overnight as I am so worried about cot deaths. Also he sleeps on his tummy but always manages to turn over.

Am I being unduly worried? I just couldn't live with myself if anything happened to him.

Sorry, meant to say when my daughter goes shopping etc.

Anyone else have concerns about this sort of thing.

Beautiful posts and beautiful sentiments.

Greenfinch, thank you - she was a sweetheart, who I feel had a very complete and happy life so that is a great comfort to me.

What bowled me over yesterday, having the time to bond with my dear little GS, is that realisation that I love him so muc - couldn't have believed I would love him just as much as my own children, but he really has stolen my heart! Maybe made all the more precious because we sadly know how unpredictable life can be and feel the gift of him very keenly.

Thank you, thank you everyone who has shared so much from the heart ... I have been quite choked up reading posts here today and it is the first day when I have felt the joy really bubbling in me ... I even bought a toy for 'granny's box (yet to be established) from a local charity shop and I know I have been walking around with the soppiest of smiles ...

I KNOW I am really fortunate - near enough to visit my new GS quite frequently. When I lived 140 miles away from my mother and my children were very little, we didn't have Skype, but there were weekly phonecalls and she was brilliant at sending 'brown paper packages tied up with string'. She didn't have much spare money, but managed to find or make thoughtful 'treasures': a dolly's pair of knickers that she knitted ... a korgi toy police car .... bottled fairy dust and the like. My children loved her so much and the meet ups - three or four times a year were filled with all the hugs and 'Nanny I love yous' she could wish for.

I have all the lovely relationships with my 2 daughter's who have children but not with my son. My son and daughter in law have kept us at arms length from their boys. I find the whole family difficult. It's such a shame. We do see the boys more now but being there at the beginning enables an amazing relationship with the GCs and the parents.

What particularly melted my dad's heart was whne his 3-year old granddaughter said 'Granddad, I love you more than a sweet!'

It is so wonderful when my 2year old gd rushes to greet me, throws her arms around my neck and says'need hug'.

Victoria08 - go for it - you will be fine. But do tell your daughter of your fears I am sure she will reassure you. All our children slept on their tummies and survived - if he is strong enough to turn over, he will be fine! You will probably not get much sleep and when they really go to sleep it is terrifying - I almost woke one of mine up once just to check she was breathing. Be pleased they are are happy to trust you with the little one.