Help with a MIL problem

My MIL was overbearing and often rude and my own mother, having been neglectful in bringing me up, was non existent as a support for the grandchildren. In fact her view was always, 'What can the grandchildren do for me? How much love do they offer me' An unbelievable situation given that my husband and I were working full time at the time at which we had babies/toddlers.

The upside, however, was that the absence of supportive grandparents meant that we had autonomy and, exhausting though it was, a very close bond with our children. Paid help (childminders & babysitters) meant that we could reasonably dictate the terms on which the children were minded and we completely sidestepped the grandparental interference to which our friends were subjected.

I would suggest that you keep MIL relations friendly and at arm's length and just get on with enjoying your children. Enjoy the upsides of hands off relations!

I used to live next door to a lady like this. She eventually upset many people and was banned from the local hairdresser and other local shops. I know it is distressing but I really think that despite your efforts leave her to get on with it, she has had so many opportunities. You never know, she might then realise how badly she is behaving. On the other hand this could all be attention seeking behaviour especially since her husband is away a lot.

I wish it had been my MiL! It was my own DM and DF who casued all the ructus... They very obviously loathed me and my children, the only right thin i ever did was to marry my husbvand - they liked him, and couldn't understand what he saw in me! BUt that's another story.

As your DH would like the moral support, go to the meeting with your MiL, but don't say a word. However difficult, don't let it degenerate into a "he said/you said" confrontation. Try to be calm, and if your MiL goes in to a rage, just turn away and say that you will be back when she is calmer.

If your MiL wont see sense, it is a lose/lose situation, so if it ends badly, ie your MiL cuts her contact, get on with your lives, and try not to worry about the lack of GPs for your own child/ren.

ALl the best - let us know how it went.

I would go and see her. I would say " what can we do to make this better for all of us?" Let her talk, is she sad or lonely? Did she have a good relationship with your husband before you? It is hardest of relationships in my opion, and although she sounds not very nice there has to be a reason. If you don't have the conversation you will never know. It will make or break. Good luck, and remember how much you love your child, she loves her son the same. I hope that she may come to love you too, you sound a sweet person.

Although that sounds a good idea Chrisdingle, that wouldn't have worked with my MIL. Should have done of course but she wasn't for turning I am afraid.

I would let her get on with it and let her see you have a strong relationship with her son she sounds very bitter and unfortunately thinks it's fine to be rude to people maybe back off for a while and see if she then appreciates you.