Support for family members cut out of loved ones lives 5

for your 1 year anniversary Rhinestone not because it being one year since you were cut off is anything to celebrate, but because you're hanging on in there and doing so well is worthy of a celebration.

Going to watch the rest of the video with Mr. S..

SmilelessI hope you are doing better. Your beloved fur baby will be in your heart forever.
Isn't that video amazing. It even said that , like my son who rejected me, my mom and daughter that he needs to get his own identity. He sees us like a cult. I think he's right because we all ask him the same questions about his life.
Today is a year since we were cut off. I cannot believe it but have gotten used to it. Strange what we get used to isn't it?
Enjoy the rest of the video.

WOW Rhinestone haven't listened to all of it but so far wow!!!! Just got to the part where in answer to a question he said the vast majority of the cases he's come across are due to the estranged child's partner/spouse.

No argument from me. Thanks for the link

youtu.be/Cd4-nidLuQQ
I hope this works.

I happen to see a wonderful You Tube video by a psychiatrist who specializes in estrangement. I am going to find the link and put it on here. I felt so much better after seeing it. He talks about why our children are doing this, how it's an epidemic, and why the world changing has contributed to estrangement. There is some hope.

Morning Smileless Hope you are feeling better today after your loss & hope the brother is ok, pets do grieve!

Thank you so much for your kind words and understanding. It's been a horrible few daysbecause I can't stop thinking about him and of course there's the inevitable feelings of guilt, even though I know we did all that we could for him and it was the best decision.

His brother is doing remarkably well. I'm giving him as much attention as I can but he's still looking for him which is quite upsetting but fingers crossed he settles down. My little dog chases him around and he gets out of reach and then takes a swipe at himso at least he still has a play mate.

Terrific news about your scan Celeb but what a shame you and DH have both been ill. I wonder if it was something you both atealthough in our neck of the woods there are some weird and wonderful bugs going about.

Sounds like you had a lovely day last Friday Yogagirl with your ND and lovely DG. My little dog has a coat very similar to Lilly's, his is black and red with a white collar and he looks sooo sweet with it on; well of course he does, he looks sweet without it too. You are clever, I brush both my boys in between their regular grooming sessions but that's my limit I'm afraid.

It's so nice to read about your lovely grand sons riclorian and how they've come back into your life, thank you for sharing your positive outcome; it gives us all hope for the future.

I hope your mum's doing OK Rhinestone and you are managing to cope.
Wendysue your posts are always so thoughtful and uplifting. I do a lot of reading while on holiday and read even more in the early days of our estrangement rubylady, it gave me less time to think about what had happened and why. May be it is possible to be too close to one's children but if that's been an issue, surely asking for space/time alone would be a reasonable response and not cutting off all contact. Don't blame yourself, we've all made mistakes as parents but then again so have our children and we didn't cut them off did we.

Luckylegs.

Thanks again to you all for your kindness.

Thanks, riciorian, for filling me in further!

Not a lot of words, Smileless - just sympathy and (((hugs)))

Sorry you and DH have been ill, celeb. Hope you both feel better soon.

SmilelessMy heart goes out to you. I am sorry about your loss. It's so hard as our pets are part of the family. Just know you and Mr. S were wonderful parents to him.

Sorry won't post much as we both been v I'll sick etc, ages some fish in sauce from Sainsburys ??both up all night and poor husband even had call in sick unheard of.

Just say again so v sorry smilelss love and hugs and keep strong your yogagirl

Smileless so deeply sorry for the loss of your dear cat hope his brother will be ok without his mate.

Thank you Celebgran hope you enjoyed your meal.

Smillessl huge hugs and lots and lots of love sorry can't think of more to say ? Will pm your u later just got back xx

Will chat more when had meal etc but it was urgent to send all my best to smilelss. Xxx

Also Yogagirl keep that chin up we all here for you xx

How awful for you Smileless, you know you did all you could for that little cat but that is no comfort at the moment, it will take time and it will get easier.. ?

I took my little cat to vets this evening for his second antibiotic injection, even though the first made no difference at all, and I came home without him.

I know it was the right thing to do but I just feel awful, really awful. I just couldn't stay, I was sobbing and the vet said it was probably for the best and that one of the nurses would cuddle him until it was all over, which I know is almost instantaneous as I've been through this before; too many times.

They led me out the back way so I wouldn't have to walk through a busy waiting room in floods of tears. His brother's been looking for him and it's going to take time for him to settle down without him, it's going to take time for me too.

I've read all your posts and will come back on in a day or 2. Just wanted to let you all know and thank you for being so supportive and kind. I know I've done the right thing, just can't believe he's gone.

Wendysue , in answer to your question ---- our ex dil threw out 1st gs a few weeks before his o levels , presumably he was stressed with revision etc ,we only heard about it 2yrs later when he got in touch .He lived in a hostel with all sorts of low life , ignoring them and getting himself through college and A levels . We are very proud of him .The 2nd gs left home 2 yrs before he got in touch with us ,we have never asked the reason why ,can only guess ! ! ! 2nd grandson was only 7 yrs when all the problems started but it is amazing how much he remembered about us and our home .Both have turned out to be lovely young men and yes we did all miss a lot but the present is very worth having .
Again GOOD LUCK to you all ,believe me I understand how you are all feeling and I hope that one day things will turn out well for you .Big Hugs

So glad to hear of a happy ending riclorianand I wish that for all of us on this post.
CelebgranIm so happy to hear about your scan. That's great news.
YogagirlI completely understand where you are coming from. It will be a year of estrangement for us on Monday. Little Miles was just two years old. He does not nor will ever know is. And his little brother Aiden that we sat for every week... will he remember that we did that? Like you said you have to start all over.
Boy Smilelessyou are like me when it comes to shopping. I see something I like and then don't buy it, think about it and then either the store is closed or someone else bought it.
RubyladyI think many of us tend to overthink especially when we are relaxed. I did that in Florida. Think think and then thought some more. It does make one crazy going over and over the who's and the whats.
I am exhausted . I have been with mum,as you all say, everyday this week running in the cold and snow to return some of the things she bought when she was manic. She is not back to normal yet as she still is saying delusional things. I will see her doctor on Tuesday and see if he can up her meds. I have three doctor appointments with her next week. It's hard enough being away and facing all the responsibility you have when you come home . I just didn't realize how hard it is to do my stuff and hers. My DD has had a stomach bug so I gave been trying to help her out. Needless to say I'm very tired, going to bed at 9 and then up four hours later. Someone else spoke of this and I don't understand the four hour thing but menopause brought all this on for me. It's rare for me to sleep through the night anymore.
Happy Valentines Day to all.

Celebran, so glad to hear that the ultrasound was good! Exhale!

Rubylady - (((Hugs))) So sorry that you have problems with both your ED (estranged daughter) and your son. If ED cut you off right after you said you wouldn't be her "bank" anymore, then I think that is very likely the reason or a big part of it. How selfish and ungrateful of her! And cruel, of course, too!

You say she has done this before. Is there any kind of pattern? Does she always pull away after a big argument or after some particular thing has happened? If so, then that's a clue to why she pulled away this time though, granted, you may never know for sure.

Either way, my heart goes out to you!

Riciorian, I may have said this in the other thread, but I'm so glad your GSs reconnected with you. I take it each GS was a teenager when this happened. Did they move out of their mom's home at that point? Be that as if may, if they truly don't have much contact with her (and aren't just telling you that cuz they think that's what you want to hear), then obviously, there is a problem with her and probably has been all along.

Anyway, I think it's beautiful that you've brought others here a note of hope. Also, I think it's more common than people realize that the GC reach out to the EGPs when they get old enough. It doesn't always happen but sometimes. I'm glad it happened for you.

Thank you Ruby It's staying very cold for at least another week, I do have a sheepskin coat for Lilly, red & black, very smart, it has a little collar, so I could put that on her at night, if I managed to get her booked in, I do bath & cut her hair/fur between saloon app. but she is in real need of a good all over right now! I find it hard to do her legs ! I'm ok with everything else & the Westie cut is with bib & skirt, so I can leave that & it looks like a proper Westie cut, when really I find those bits hard to do too.

Yes I spent the day with ND & baby GD yesterday, we went to a lovely park with swans, but it was sooo cold, we didn't stay too long, no walk on the beach [did that Weds] and then back home for a nice lunch. I always feel ok with my ND & baby GD, but after just an hour of them leaving, the grieving comes back, try as I might, I just can't put them out of my mine , especially at night & first thing

Two Yoga classes today, then a nice night in, relaxing with a little
Here's some for all on here

Yogagirl You always have me too, you don't get away that easy! Thank you for your kind words, they have made me feel better.

Can you not buy a jumper for Lilly? Mine (Maggie) is in mid trim (I do her myself but she keeps running off) and she wears a jumper overnight as she does get cold a little, depending on where she sleeps. She has a lovely moses basket type bed with a soft blanket but rarely uses it. She sleeps on my bed but sometimes underneath. I don't like the heating on overnight as it gets stuffy so I know what you mean. Have a look on ebay or amazon for little jumpers, depending on her breed. Mine's a Yorkshire/Maltese cross. She does sound a little belter, making you feel loved and special, good on her.

I hope you get to see your ND (?) and baby GD soon. Take care love. X

Having a bad couple of days I think it may be because I haven't seen my ND & baby GD since Saturday, when I babysat. My ND was coming over for pancakes on Tuesday, but cancelled at the last minute

Luckylegs

Celebgran so pleased scan came back clear, now you can relax & enjoy your weekend. My Lilly is like the 'wild dog from Borneo' she really needs a bath & haircut, but it's sooo cold, I'm afraid she will be too cold during the night, as she won't let me put a cover over her and my bedroom gets very cold during the night, last night I put the heating on timer, to come on in the early hours, just for Lilly

Smileless Yes it would be nice to meet one day, but I think we will skip the & go straight for the

Ruby my dog does that, she did it this morning, I woke before 6am and just felt sooo bad! my little dog Lilly nuzzled into me and kept rubbing her face on mine, as if to say "It's ok mum, you have me that loves you"
Stop blaming yourself Ruby we all on here know that it wasn't anything we did or didn't do, but it's them. You hear of some mums that a truly rotten to their C, others, like us, that are good, kind & gentle and give their all, they have not been 'cut out' so why us [?] we don't know and nor do our cruel C that cut us out of their lives all for nothing Tragic!

for all and, alright then well it is Friday

Thank you so much for posting riclorian how nice to hear a happy ending story.

I feel in such despair! 3.5yrs of being separated from the people I love the most in the world! It never gets easier! Even if we reconciled now, my GC wouldn't now me! the special bond I had with my precious GD is gone forever, not from me, but from her it's gone! We would have to start again with me as the stranger! My estD, myself, ND & rest of the family will be just as we were before and could just pick-up and continue on, but not with the little ones! GD wouldn't pick up the phone and say, as she always did "hello nannie, I love you" :'-( or throw her arms around me when I visited and said "love you nannie" She always did :'-(

Why have they not got a crying face on here! It's needed!

Happy Valentine's weekend to you too celeb, have a great trip.

Thank you, riclorian for your lovely post. It does give hope to the situation. The hurt gets repressed, squashed but it tends to make me a different person to who I know I can be and want to be. The pain it too great to deal with, I have to keep a lid on it and so cannot be myself totally. I do think once my son leaves then all will break loose and it will all come spilling out when I am alone with my pain. I will be ok, it will be something I will have to work through though. I feel like I am keeping myself in check while I still have my son to look after/have at home. He thinks I am disabled enough without breaking down every five minutes. Partly why he wants to get away is that he has had enough of the illnesses and depression and in a way I can't blame him, but it would be lovely to have someone who cares, but hey ho, it's me and my wonderful caring doggie. She senses my moods and comes to give me a lick if I am sleeping/dozing and comes in for a cuddle when I need one. I love her to bits.

I try to figure out what has gone wrong, what I have done for my ED to be like she is. Have I give her too much? Was I too much of a friend and not enough of a disciplinarian? Did I give her too much attention with getting divorced and giving her all my time? Should I have been a fully working mum? Did she give up seeing me because I told her that I was no longer going to be bank of mum? I go round and round but I can't answer questions that I have no idea what is going on in someone else's mind.

Every time I go on holiday I take a notebook and pen and try to work out what the problems were. It causes me distress on holiday but while I have more head space, it gives me time to try to come to some sort of conclusion. I don't think I will. I need to go away and chill and enjoy my lovely doggie, spend time just us two enjoying it. It won't change anything by me stressing over it. Like riclorian says, I might see my DGSs again if they decide to come and find me when they get older but I would be in my 60's and I don't know how my health will be then.

It's ok thinking it's their loss, the children, not the DGC, but it still breaks our hearts. My life work was bringing up my children. And both of them don't really want me in their life at this time. Like I said, maybe I have been too close to them? God only knows. God bless all of us in this limbo of losing our nearest and dearest and having this pain of knowing that they would rather be without than with, heartbreaking.

Aagh smileless shame your u missed bargain,

Omg sooo pleased ultrasound showed nothing sinister, Gra rang me at swim pool and manager got message to me?????just had bottle bubbly celebrate and yummy beef Wellington Courtesy of tesco a d rich brioche dessert mmmmmwell early valentines.

So relieved had worst night ever didn't sleep wink til 5 30 finished the crooked edge book Gransnet kindly sent me, rubbed neroli massage oil up arms nothing wide awake worrying about everything now we can enjoy weekend. Hope sleep better got finish packing.
Good news my twin is coming fix gas fire early tomorrow.

Poor GD has go kennels as Joan unwell but spoken to owner and they will take good care she gone there since puppy just we been using lady in own home til she let sum down for this weekend.

?Nails done hair done just got pack stuff ????
Riclorian thanks good see positive post.
Happy Valentine s weekend all xx

What a lovely post riclorian thank you for taking the time to share it with us. I'm so pleased you now have your grand sons back in your life.

Good news about little GD Celeb I do hope she continues to improve.
I've been thinking about you today, hope all went well.

Thanks for theYogagirl maybe one day we'll all be able to meet up and enjoy one together or better still a.

I used to wonder that too Luckylegs, how can I keep going but I have, we all have some how and you can too. Don't give up, take each day as it comes. The pain does ease with time, it's always there but it does become less intense except for the bad days which we all get from time to time.

How's your mum Rhinestone and how are you? I hope you're managing to cope.

Went out to lunch with a friend today and saw a fab hand bag and matching purse and decided I'd buy them on our way back to the car after lunch but when we went back the shop was closed. If only I'd done what I did yesterday and bought them there and then on impulse.

Have a good evening everyone.

Rictorian, glad you have your grandsonsback in your life after such a long time. Wonder what happened for two sons to lose contact with their mother.?Celebregran, don't think any of us will ever come to terms with our loss, I often wonder how I can keep going on, it is just too painful.