Mothers in Law -

The unkindest thing was something she often did when I was married to her son. I used to pick up our 3 children from school/playgroup and walk round to see nanny, she would often open the door with her coat on and and say "oh sorry but I'm just going out", I knew it was a lie but she did it time and time again which is why our children now don't have a relationship with her.

The kindest thing was many years later when I had been divorced for years from her son (I still kept in touch, was to ask me to my fil funeral (he and I had a lovely relationship) we've since got on much better and I visit it her every month.

I can't really think of anything nice she did for me during the few occasions we were thrust into each others company. On the other hand, DH and i drove her 60 miles to the wilds of mid wales (no motorways - it took us hours) to visit her elderly mother and when we got there she refused to get out of the car because her mother lived with an aunt she didn't get on with. She forgot to mention this when the trip was mooted. DH had a meltdown and made her go in anyway. She never spoke to either of us for ages after that, except to visit us in our first house and complain that we didn't have a stair carpet when she knew we only had enough money to buy the bare essentials never mind stair carpets!

I cannot think of anything nice that she said or did for me. I obviously was not up to the high standard she expected for her eldest son to marry.

I barely knew my MiL, DH's family lived in London and I lived in Kent. I only saw her every other weekend when she allowed me to stay at theirs, so I guess that's the nicest thing she did for me. DH stayed at ours the other weekends. I don't think she liked me very much but was never mean to me. Then when we got engaged he moved to my town. DH didn't have a car and nor did MiL &FiL so rarely saw them after that. MiL died when I was pregnant with our first DC FiL had died a couple of years before.

The nicest thing was to say that the day I married MrA was the happiest of her life
In the 47 years I've known her, she's never said or done anything other than be kind and supportive.

The nicest thing my MiL did - and she did this always, all the years I knew her - was never to interfere with how I raised the children, how I ran the household, how I cooked, or any of my lifestyle choices. She was such a lovely lady and I don't think I really appreciated how lucky I was to have such a mother-in-law. She said right from the outset that I need never worry that she would be the classic 'interfering mother-in-law', because she never would be. And she never was.
The only thing I would criticise her for was the way she favoured our DS over his sister. My DH was their only child and our DS was the image of him as a child, and I believe it was this that made them love him more. Recently, my DD has opened up about how upset she always felt when they stayed over for a few days, during half-term when I was working. It was so obvious to her that she was second best. Just little things, like praising everything DS did, but never her efforts, like being made to go to bed earlier because she was the younger one (I never made that difference as they were so close in age). She told me that she used to cry herself to sleep and pray that I would just turn up and take her home. I never knew .

I'm trying to follow her example

Not an easy task though - but yes, try very hard to achieve this.

My mil was a hard and difficult woman- and it was hard at times. But learning more about her story and what she went through- I got to respect her and I am so glad we never did fall out (and the opportunities would have been many). Watching her develop Alzheimers and getting worse and worse was so sad.

She complained about everything I ever said or did! She complained about me before we ever met and once we had it was plain I never shaped up.

I tried for 20 years to be what she wanted but then I gave up and at least I was happy !

I can't recall a single nice thing ever.

How sad is that?

The worst thing my in-laws (together) ever did was to visit DS2 in hospital on his 2nd birthday and not bring him a present. I had a bad feeling that they thought he was going to die and wasn't worth the expense. They were notoriously stingy. However, they are long gone and DS has just turned 43.

Both of mine were universally kind from the moment they met me and good grans too without taking any nonsense from my kids. Great role models.

My MIL was a lovely, kind,generous lady who gave me all the love my own mother never did. She was much loved and although she sadly died nearly 30 years ago,even her nieces and nephews still speak fondly of her.
I was thrilled when my DD named her baby after her Grandma.
The only criticism I have of her is that she refused to do any childminding or babysit as she wanted to enjoy her retirement.

My MIL was wonderful and regularly had the girls to stay especially when I was pregnant with number 3. It helped that she lived much nearer than my own parents and with hindsight, I feel guilty that my own mother may have felt shut out . But she really didn't "do" small children and when we were with them I was conscious that I was still the "daughter" not the Mum!
I am sad that our DDs missed out on that relationship, they adored my father who was, again, much better with children.

Nicest thing I am not going to say, but she does lots of nice things.
Worst thing is her habit of sticking to her routine of life so rigidly, that for instance I never bothered to ask her to babysit on a friday unless it was an absolute emergency.

I could write a book about the sheer loveliness of my mother in law, but there are two things that came to mind straight away. The first is that in spite of the many reservations she had about her son marrying a divorcee who was ten years older than him and with three children, she made the decision to be as supportive as possible - and she always has been. The second is that she wrote me a very heartfelt letter on my 60th birthday saying how much she loves me and how delighted she is that her son made the decision to marry me.

My mother-in-law was truly wonderful and a real mum to me. I suppose the best thing about her was that she loved and was as interested in my two boys as I was and the nicest thing she ever said to me was on her death bed when she said SHE would miss ME. I have always missed her.

The nicest thing my x mil did was to totally accept my baby son as her own GC . She was not a `baby` person but they had a great relationship until her death at 92. The worse thing she did was to never speak to me again after Me and her son got divorced ! I do understand a bit more now , he was an odd bod and she guessed rightly that he would struggle to find someone else to put up with him .

I had a wonderful MiL. When DS was about 6 weeks old he had severe eczema and was, understandably, not sleeping and miserable. I was exhausted and not fully recovered from a difficult birth. DMiL came for the weekend. She assessed the situation then told me quietly but firmly that DS would be sleeping in her bedroom that night then she sent me up for nice bath and an early night and came and tucked me up and kissed me goodnight as if I was still a child myself (I was 28). I had a wonderful uninterrupted night's sleep which did me so much good.

I cannot think of anything terrible she ever did. I found my DMiL far easier to confide in than my own very DM.

I have had 2 MILs. The first one always treated me as the DIL - kept me at arms length and never really made much of our children. She consistently told us that her first son was a better son than my ex was because he visited her every weekend whilst we went once a fortnight. When my DD2 died, she apparently said to my ex ' Oh well, we weren't close really.' No, they weren't, but because she never made the effort.

Big breath.

My 'new ' MIL (met her son six and a half years ago and we married in May 2014) has always made me feel completely welcomed and goes out of her way to extend that thoughtfulness to my own grown up children.

I never had a MiL as she died when DH was 18 and we didn't meet until he was 20. My own Mum was a super Mil and I never heard her utter a word of criticism about any of her children's partners. In fact she would criticise her own children for any problems they may have had, rather than them.

I determined to be as good a MiL as she was, to my DDiL and DD's partner and I hope that I have been. They have unstintingly shared their own children with us and we have four beloved grandchildren in our lives as a result. I feel very lucky and very grateful.

Nicest thing my MIL did was to have my DH!

The cruelest thing she did was to tell me that her first granddaughter, ( their cousin ) was her priority, over our two boys.

They were all toddlers at the time. She then preceded not ignore us and our boys for two years, missing our on some of their childhood. And indulging her granddaughter.

We eventually were 'allowed ' to visit and extend the 'olive branch'.

My FIL, who was a sweet man, went along with her. I never understood why.

X

It was always like treading on glass with my MIL. The funny thing is, I was convinced she got on very well with her other DIL, and it wasn't until we compared notes after her death that I found out she had just as many problems as I did! My DH is the older of the two brothers, and the younger was definitely her favourite - which my DH clearly knew and, as a mother myself of 2 sons, I've never forgiven.

Sorry, I forgot to say that I can't remember her doing anything nice, or particularly nasty. She just didn't connect much at all. Thankfully, I've got on well with my sons' various partners, and have now got two lovely DIL who say I'm their second mum - it's lovely having daughters at last!

My own M died 4 weeks before our first baby was born. You'd think my MiL would have jumped in to lend a hand, but sadly not even a meal made or any shopping done. No interest at all in her GC and this has continued for 30 years. I found it all very hurtful. However, the mother of an ex boyfriend (!!!) used to call on me regularly with cakes, and phone me every week to see if I needed help. Her kindest act was to rush round and sit with me and the baby the night my DH was caught up in the Kings Cross fire on his way home, (and she didn't even say why until he walked through the door). I often wonder what things would have been like if this lady had been my real MiL??!!