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Do i tell my one-night-stand that im pregnant?

(46 Posts)
chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:08:37

I know this site isn't really for this but i cannot find another working site so...
So, i went out with a guy, known him a while and we've always had this flirtation going on.
We had sex and the condom split, the next day i took the morning after pill. The following day i was vomiting, therefore i am worried that i have gotten rid of the pill.
I do not know for sure if i am pregnant, i m scared how he will react, i don t think he is the type of guy to, well, do one.
But im worrying so much and i dont want him to worry too, especially when there is not a definite yes or no yet.
I am five days late and it is too early for me to take a pregnancy test.
Even if the morning after pill didnt come up when vomiting, there s only an 85% chance of it working and so many other women have said how they still got pregnant despite taking the pill.
What should i do? Do i tell the guy now? Or do i wait until i know for sure? I could just really do with some support but we are not in a relationship or anything....
I've never been in this situation before, therefore, i am worrying so much, uncontrollably crying because there is nobody i trust who i can talk to, without judgement.

chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:14:18

....

Bellanonna Mon 18-Apr-16 15:31:30

What kind of age are you chaz? Are u living in the UK? Do you have family?

Gagagran Mon 18-Apr-16 15:32:19

How old are you chaz - you sound very young. If you are still at school there will be a teacher or counsellor there who will be able to advise you. Do you live with your parents? They will have to know at some point if you are pregnant. Do you have an aunt or other relation who might be someone to turn to?

We are grandparents on this site and I would always help my granddaughters if they were in this situation. Will yours?

chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:34:53

I'm 19 and no I'm an orphan, I do not know if I have any family.

chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:35:33

I go to university and there's counsellors there but I'd really like someone else's opinion

Katek Mon 18-Apr-16 15:35:59

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chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:42:40

pardon?

Gagagran Mon 18-Apr-16 15:43:19

chaz have a look at this leaflet - it may help you get things a bit clearer. I find it hard to accept that you have no guardian or older person at all in your life. There must be someone who knows you better than we could ever do, who could advise/support you.

www.ecu.ac.uk/wp-content/uploads/external/student-pregnancy-and-maternity-implications-for-heis.pdf

MiniMouse Mon 18-Apr-16 15:50:24

Katek my first thought, too. Aren't we cynical? sad

grannylyn65 Mon 18-Apr-16 15:53:54

Yes but, even if there a chance that this is a genuine cry for help, surely that is what we do?

chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:54:06

My parents died when I was 4, I've just been through the care system and in and out of hostels. Nobody cares about us 'care' kids so I genuinely have nobody and thank you for the leaflet

chazwilson Mon 18-Apr-16 15:56:19

I'm sorry if you don't believe me but may you put your judgements aside and just help as you can, I've never been in this position before and I've never had a family and I'll never be able to look after another life because I've not being taught how do to it.
I understand your suspicions but I am genuine

LucyGransnet (GNHQ) Mon 18-Apr-16 16:08:13

Hello all, just a reminder of our guidelines - we do not allow speculation on the threads as to whether a poster is genuine or not. Accusing someone publicly could cause untold hurt. Instead, please report anything you're concerned about and we'll always take a look.

Here's a link to our guidelines: www.gransnet.com/info/netiquette#trolls

Teetime Mon 18-Apr-16 16:14:51

Chazwilson do go to the counsellor at your university as soon as possible. You will be surprised just how helpful they will be and they wont judge you. It sounds to me as though you could do with some on going support and these are just the people to do it for you and help you work out a plan to manage your life. University will present you with many challenges and you really need to feel that you are strong and in control of your life to get the best out of it and build your future. I remember what it was like at your age to have these worries and no-one to turn to it must be very frightening. Please go and get some help. I hope things turn out well for you. Best wishes and a hug - sounds as if you need one. flowers

Elegran Mon 18-Apr-16 16:26:13

If you are at University, there ARE people who care, and who will help you cope if, that is, it turns out that you are right about this suspected pregnancy. Chances are that you are worrying for nothing and the more you worry, the later your period will be, which makes you worry more, and so on. In fact, you may by now have found out that you were wrong and it was just a guilty conscience troubling you!

First move - get it confirmed. Go to the college doctor for tests and advice.

If you were wrong - stop panicking and make up your mind to use more common sense next time you have a one-night stand. Even better, don't have a one-night stand.

If it is true - second move - discuss things with your counsellor. No-one here can tell you what to do without knowing you and speaking face-to-face. This is not the right place to go for advice.

Third move - either accept that you will become a single parent and start planning how to support a child - not just a baby, but a child, who will grow into a person, and be your responsibilty for at least the next eighteen years - or accept that you are going to ask for the pregnancy to be ended, with all the heartache that will bring.

Fourth move - when you know what YOU think and feel, consider whether or not to tell the baby's father. Because that is what he is, not just a one-night stand. He is probably as young and unready as you are, but he has rights as well as duties. If this situation becomes reality, it is not just a soap opera or a fantasy, it is a life, created by two people. Get professional advice to help you decide your future.

I'll say it again, this is not the place to get counselling, go to someone with training and experience in dealing with the problem.

NanaandGrampy Mon 18-Apr-16 16:33:19

I think actually that he should be worrying with you chaz . You were both adult enough to have sex, took precautions that went wrong. There's no need for you to worry alone.

He will either stay and support you - even if that's not marriage or anything traditional or he won't but not knowing is as bad as knowing in this instance.

The best thing you can do is get informed. You need to know what support is available and have a serious think about having a baby at your age especially from a one night stand that may or may not stand the test of time.

Don't romanticise it please . Being a single mum is hard going not at all a bed of roses. I'm sure every single mum would tell you the same. Not that the hard work isn't worth it but that's a decision for you.

Why don't you have a private talk with the pharmacist at Boots( you can ask for a private room) and they will advise you on the earliest and right sort of pregnancy test for you.

Good luck.

obieone Mon 18-Apr-16 16:44:07

I dont know if you are involved with a church at all, but again there are often people there who are genuine people who will listen and support long term.

There are many many people who have been through care and have very little support. I used to do some work in the care system.

You will be able to look after a baby, but yes you would need extra support.
I am pretty sure a GP would point you in the direction of all sorts of people who could help and support you.

I dont know if you would like to say very roughly which area you live in? You dont have to.

At the moment you dont know if you are pregnant or not. But sometimes not knowing something, can be worse than knowing one way or another.

I agree with finding out if you are pregnant or not sooner rather than later.

I dont know if you have heard of mumsnet?
If you are pregnant, there is no end of advice on there.

ninathenana Mon 18-Apr-16 16:58:21

Having just Googled the morning after pill as long as you weren't sick within 3hrs your covered.
Elegran is right, worry can prevent your period from starting as I know from personal experience.
I agree your best option is the counsellors at uni.

Luckygirl Mon 18-Apr-16 17:02:56

Yes - please do make contact with the university health service and their counselling service. There are always sources of help at uni, so do try to get along there - there is no need to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed about this as they will be very used to dealing with these situations.

I do hope that you manage to get something sorted and some peace of mind.

We may be grannies on here, but we were young once and many of us will have been in similar situations. It is human nature.

Do come back on here and let us know how you get on.

Charleygirl Mon 18-Apr-16 17:03:07

Chaz there is excellent advice here for you to think about- the very best of luck for whatever you decide. flowers

Luckylegs9 Mon 18-Apr-16 18:04:10

You can do a pregnancy test very early on, so if you did not want to get pregnant it is easily solved, you took the morning after pill after all. If you don't want this to happen again, don't have one night stands. Sorry if this is not want to hear but you are responsible, you will probably not see the guy for dust.

obieone Mon 18-Apr-16 18:17:44

I dont think that is a very helpful post Luckylegs9 on several levels.

Jane10 Mon 18-Apr-16 18:23:32

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Elegran Mon 18-Apr-16 18:40:31

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