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(26 Posts)
Envious Tue 26-Apr-16 17:03:57

Has anyone heard of Limerence? I had to look it up. One of my neighbors confided in me she is seeing a therapist because of serial Limerence. The therapist told her she had a narcissistic mother and poor early attachment with her mother.

mollie Tue 26-Apr-16 18:06:14

Hadn't heard of it so looked it up...I wonder if I can make use of it in scrabble.

Ana Tue 26-Apr-16 18:11:57

I don't think it's something I'd feel like confiding to a neighbour! It sounds as though she has obsessive stalker tendencies! shock

ninathenana Tue 26-Apr-16 18:13:42

I had to look it up too perhaps Tracey Emin is a sufferer or can it only apply to people and not rocks and other inanimate objects

Faye Tue 26-Apr-16 18:48:17

I had heard about it and recently told DD's friend about it. It appears she is suffering from it and she said it was driving her crazy. Apparently some suffers also have OCD.

gettingonabit Tue 26-Apr-16 18:53:19

There was a very long thread over on the "other side" a while back. I'd never heard of it till then.

Isn't it some kind of obsessive crush-type thing?confused

grannylyn65 Tue 26-Apr-16 19:08:18

looked it up and gettingon is right!

Envious Tue 26-Apr-16 20:16:20

Went to the other side seems a lot of them had experienced it. Interesting I didn't date much as a younger person and never had a " crush" unless it was David McCallum when I was what 14? grin of course Limerence can be serious.

ninathenana Tue 26-Apr-16 22:14:48

Me to Envious pictures and posters of David all over my bedroom.
Shame he hasn't aged well sad

grannylyn65 Wed 27-Apr-16 08:15:09

Keith Richards, now that is someone who has not aged well !!!

Alea Wed 27-Apr-16 09:49:23

Limerence, a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, has been described as “an involuntary interpersonal state that involves an acute longing for emotional reciprocation, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, and emotional dependence on another person

In other words a "crush"? Unrequited love? Infatuation?
Why did a psychologist feel the need to invent a word for an emotion that is as old as the Hils, which goes back to David and Bathsheba in the Old Testament and to Actaeon and Artemis in Greek mythology?

Alea Wed 27-Apr-16 09:50:06

"hills" of course.

gettingonabit Wed 27-Apr-16 11:32:53

alea I was thinking that too. What's the difference between a crush and "limerence"?.

I'm wondering too if there's a particular personality type that's prone to this kind of behaviour. Or something about your upbringing that sets it off?

Lisalou Thu 12-May-16 13:53:12

I thought crush too...why do we have to have new words for age old feelings?

Alea Thu 12-May-16 13:57:37

Why? To feed some psychobabbling ego basking in the glory of reinventing the wheel hmm Cynical? Moi?

Lisalou Sun 15-May-16 06:39:29

Good point!

Envious Tue 13-Sep-16 16:40:26

Thought I'd let you know my neighbor is doing better. She said she had a light bulb moment when her therapist explained to her she is wanting someone else's approval and love to complete her and how that's not healthy. I don't see how she couldn't see it herself but at least now maybe she can move on. I've volunteered to go for walks with her and she's doing more things she enjoys. I hope she keeps moving forward. sunshine she really is a kind woman. I agree it's nice having a man to love us but it's not the end of the world if we don't! Eat cake cupcake enjoy the day and smile ! Love to all who are in pain today.. flowers

Smileless2012 Tue 13-Sep-16 20:19:16

Your neighbour is fortunate to have you Enviousflowers

Irma Tue 20-Sep-16 11:22:12

I'm envious too, I have a very weird neighbour who watches us when able! Her kitchen overlooks our drive, fortunately she is unable to see into our house. If we buy anything new we leave item in the car till after dark. Lawn mower, occasional table, curtains etc. They even had oak flooring laid after us. I now, tongue in cheek, take it as a sort of compliment, we must have very good taste! She's harmless, her poor husband just goes along!

Granadier75 Fri 14-Oct-16 18:58:09

Thank you Envious for your thoughts of those of us who have pain. I have had "limerance" for someone for more than 3 and a half years. I have tried to interest myself in other things and have other friends but no-one like him. I long to see him again as soon as he has gone home.

DaphneBroon Fri 14-Oct-16 19:36:34

Grenadier it's called a "crush".
To worship,from afar sounds very romantic and as long as it stays un your head, you may believe it does no harm. But "get real" , are you seriously thinking of splitting tying up another marriage or relationship? Only you can sort this out and I do urge you to, before (dare I whisper it,) you make 3 people unhappy and make a fool of yourself at the same time.

DaphneBroon Fri 14-Oct-16 19:38:01

Oh blankety blank iPad, where did "tying "come from?
I meant splitting up just that.

DaphneBroon Fri 14-Oct-16 22:10:22

Have you seen the thread called "How to stop a persistent suitor?
Two sides of the coin?

Granadier75 Sat 15-Oct-16 17:31:06

Thanks for your comment DaphneBroon but I am not wanting to split another's marriage. I am usually content to share music and crosswords with him and walks with his wife. Sometimes when I have spent time with them and then go home I feel unhappy which is why I wrote here yesterday. The feelings do not go away.

Missingstarryeyes Thu 21-May-20 22:40:10

A lot of people in this thread are really ignorant. Having limerence doesn’t make you an obsessive stalker. It’s not just a “big crush” thing. It’s an actual addiction for a certain type of feeling. People suffer from this, have lost family over this, and have even committed suicide due to this. When you fall in love there are biological changes in your chemistry in which some people can get addicted to. Just like drug addiction. People with limerence seek this CONSTANTLY and it ruins having a serious long term relationship, even if that’s something they want deep down. I only joined this site to tell you bunch of boomers to do your research before you insult people with psychological conditions. Bye.