What's happening to young mums?

I wonder if these people could help Grandma2231

Families need fathers

I think "social media" Is greatly to blame, including a well known parenting site. The women egg each other on.

When I was a member of Mumsnet a few years back, I was surprised at the way the women usually suggested breaking up the marriage, rather than making any attempt to remedy troubles.

I was concentrating on this new breed of women kitty but I acknowledge completely that men can be just as controlling and vindictive.

I was agreeing with nina.

I agree, our experience is very similar to the op's but with DD3'S Idiot of an exhusband dictating terms. The children are currently 'exchanged' in a Co-op car park in the next village by DD'S partner because the Idiot 'cant cope with seeing' their mother.

I do think this sort of behaviour is becoming more common and that WendySue made a good point about couples having children while not married.

As a retired teacher I saw many acrimonious marriage break-ups. Children caught in the middle, wives 'punishing' dads by denying access. But now with the current trend to have 'partners' the situation is more definately worse.

Add to that the new breed to woman who has definite ideas of her entitlement, but may be sadly lacking in other areas, and this is going to become more common.

I sympathise with your family, it's a frustrating, heartbreaking situation it makes me fume when people use their children as pawns. I thinkWendysue has a point. .
There are great and bad mums and great and bad dads.
When D first separated from her husband the children lived with her and their dad had unlimited access including taking them abroad.
Due to circumstances they now live with their dad. D has to negotiate with him every time to see them. It's always at his convenience. D is currently at college so living on us and JSA. He threatened her with having to pay CSA in order to see them, that would be £7 a week. He's on £2000 a month !!! She is only allowed to talk to the oldest via facetime or text if he is in the room so he can vet the conversation. I could go on.........

"So far I am the only one allowed to go near her house. I have kept as neutral as possible over the years..."

This is telling, IMO. Sorry but I can't help but suspect that your other DS and his partner have, quite understandably, voiced support for the dad and maybe even said some very negative things about the X (hopefully not in front of the kids). If she questions the children about what's being said, it's clearly cuz she feels she has reason to worry about that (even though she may have created the situation). Obviously, for whatever reason, she's more comfortable with you. Please please, please keep your neutral stance - not just for your own sake, but for that of DS and your GC.

It breaks my heart to hear about those GC " becoming increasingly clingy to their dad." Poor little dolls! Like you, I don't understand how anyone can bear to do this to their kids! But ironically, there are many loving mothers out there, too, who would give their eye teeth to have their X/their kids' father visit more consistently or at all. And in your family's case, you seem to be a key factor in keeping DS and his children connected. So please don't feel "ashamed to be a woman." (((Hugs)))

So sorry you and yours are dealing with this, Grandma! My heart goes out to you!

I don't know if these situations are more common today, but I know I have often heard of cases like these. IF they are more common, nowadays, it may be cuz we're more aware of abuse/domestic violence (thankfully) and some women twist this knowledge and use it to make false accusations and hurt their X/the dad.

Also, IMO, it's one of the downsides of the increase in couples not getting married and in those having kids, anyway. When a marriage ends in divorce, working out custody/visitation is generally part of the proceedings. But when an unmarried couple splits up, that's not the case, unless they go to court, right away. And so, people, IMO, are more likely to do things at will or even on the whim of the moment or the advice of a friend. Not saying divorced Xs can't be difficult, too. But my guess is this kind of thing happens more often among never-married couples, perhaps cuz they don't sort things out in court so quickly and so there's time for all kinds of drama and recriminations to build up, if that makes any sense.

Not saying either that I think every couple should marry or that I'm against their having babies out of wedlock. Far from it. Just saying greater complications regarding visitation may be one of the drawbacks.

Regardless, I'm glad DS is going to a solicitor. IMO, if he's afraid his X will still find ways to withhold visitation, he might want to ask about going for joint custody if that's a possibility. "Flexible" is probably not good here, regardless, IMO, as it may give the X too much room to "play games" (my words).