Rude son!

My eldest was a horrible guy until he left home and then he suddenly (six months down the line) thought I was great and my food was marvellous and he ate anything and everything I put before him. He's 45 now and still wants to come home for Christmas dinner! His wife isn't so keen but that's another story.......

September will be here very soon and then you'll miss him rubylady= but then you already know that don't you?

Part of his problem will probably be because he's having difficulty in dealing with the fact that you are so poorly - he can't mend you - so not helping you is a form of denial about your illness? I don't know, but it is possible.

for you

Yes. I think that could have a lot to do with it.

Buy him the cookbook NOSH for when he does go awayRubylady-it's absolutely brilliant for students.
When my dear sister got married, her husband used to just drop his clothes on the bedroom floor at night and complain in the morning that they were creased-apparently his mother used to come in and hang them up for him-my sister soon got him used to hanging up his own clothes! Lol! They were v happily married for many years. . . .lol!

Wise words Jomarie I agree with you. He does tend to play up when I am feeling more incapable of doing things than when I am able. Which is a bit annoying because that is when I need the help more. But you are probably right. I do think he gets worried but won't say and deals with it by hiding away and trying to put some distance between us until I am better again. Trouble is, with my conditions, it is like a rollercoaster and I'm up and down all the time. Never mind, it will pass, I'm just very hard to deal with health wise, I know that.

I am glad that your son has seen the light and worships you now, you deserve it. His wife is just jealous, take no notice.

Jing Thank you for your constant support and understanding. You have been a great help to me through all the problems I have had with him and tend to get me with what I am saying, thank you.

No rubylady he certainly doesn't worship me - hasn't done that since he was 4 years old but he's definitely more appreciative and I'm more than happy with that. His wife and I have an understanding now (I think) and she's becoming a very competent cook (with a very critical husband) and I am doing my utmost to be encouraging without being patronising - how hard is that? Life goes on.....

The trouble is rubylady we've heard a lot about your son so we didn't necessarily realise you meant it as joke.

I'm glad that you are not phased by his rudeness . No need to keep it to yourself but it can be hard in a short post to know whether you want support , answers or a giggle.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Jomarie Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like it may have done. I'm just glad he is better with you. It's not easy is it? And I have the whole wife thing to come yet.

NanaandGrampy I understand. I've tried to rise above his badish behaviour (like I said, he's been a lot better recently). I tend to ignore him, like you would do with a child who is having a tantrum. He will come out of it and in 4 months I will have a period of peace and quiet until his Christmas break.

I bought my son a student cookbook when he went to uni. Did he open it? Did he 'eck! He got himself a girlfriend and she cooked for him.

Never mind. He will grow up. But I would be inclined to make a point or two to help him achieve a little consideration Just withdraw services that you provide.
Ouch, just read the treatment you had. I have the same to go thro in 10 days time.

Gave mine the option: treat this house with respect or find somewhere else to live. (He was 26 and still living at home!) He took the option, found a flat and suddenly realised what it was to pay rent, utilities, do his own washing etc.
He is now 40 with a home of his own, 2 young sons and has become a stickler for keeping things tidy!! Oh how the worm turns...!
Sorry to hear you have gone through so much rubylady. In spite perhaps, of not having as much support from your son as you would like, at least he is there with you.
Would've been horrible if you'd had to go through all that alone.
Keep strong and get well soon

No one has the right to accuse someone of 'moaning' on a forum that supposedly offers support. Sometimes the written comments on here can be very harsh I feel. However, there were lots of supportive responses too.Rubylady, all our children have their off days x

I can't tolerate rudeness from anyone. Not sure of the age of the son but a suitcase and a wave goodbye might be in order.

Hi rubylady, this is precisely why I seldom join in discussions as so many people get on their high horse about things and turn it into an argument.
Your son sounds like a typical teen and I am sure he is a great lad really.
Take care and make sure to look after yourself too. Definitely TLC needed here.

My son was an absolute git at times when he was growing up and one of the things which most upset me was that he never said thank you for anything. Not for favours done, not for presents, not for lifts. Nothing. His father was too fearful to correct him about this but I used to say in a very neutral voice, 'You should say thank you when anyone gives you something or does something for you.' I didn't give him any big lectures abut gratitude or make a huge deal out of it but, over the years, something must have sunk in. He now says thank you, and seems genuinely touched on the appropriate occasions.

They do grow out of it and turn into lovely caring people.

I totally understand where you're coming from with regard to "quite harsh comments. I posted something and some people totally misunderstood what I was saying and gave me both barrels! My daughter said they are called "
Please don't stop posting. It's good to get things off your chest. I have found it interesting reading your posts and amusing. I have been estranged from my son for 6 years (with a very fraught relationship before that too). I'd hate that to happen to you.

Oops, sorry, forgot I was waiting for my daughter to get back to me re what they're called! I was concentrating on getting the flowers right!

It's "keyboard warriors" - ignore them!

xxxx

For me, one of the delights of being a grandparent is to hear my grown up children saying to their kids the same things I used to say to them - don't leave wet towels on the bedroom floor, turn the lights off when you leave the room, don't run with your hands in your pockets, visiting museums is fun etc. You I think, YES, some of it did sink in! And they learned valuable life lessons along the way and are passing them on to the next generation. So satisfying.

When my son came home after his first term at university he only had half his socks. He said he couldn't understand where they all went. It turned out he didn't know to spin the drum in the machine to check for socks stuck to the roof. My fault - I should have taught him that, and how to cook too.

he needs to learn. If he doesn't do his share then, then ju st sort out all his dirty clothes and drop them back in his room. No ironing, just chuck it in his room. No meals made for him etc etc. Just withdraw YOUR labour. If he doesn't earn before uni then he soon will! Don't be soft with him

Ruby, yes it does us good to have a moan . Take the harsh comments with a pinch of salt , there are some very judgemental people who think they know it all , . Look after yourself and I hope you recover quickly from your treatment xxx

He is still 'in the tunnel' as DH would say.

They go into it at about 12 and don't come out until they are 20 (if you're lucky)

Is it just me or would others find it hard if you are living with a teenage son as a twosome and you stopped cooking his meals and put his dirty clothes back in his room. It would make life very miserable for you both surely. Communication and negotiation are surely better washed down with a good amount of humour! It is important that the parent acts like an adult surely.

Desperate measures perhaps?

Absolutely Mumofmadboys . Communication is the key or sometimes just ignore the behaviour, everyone has off days .
Jalima lol the tunnel !! I think 20 is quite optimistic .