Rude son!

Ah bless you Rubylady I feel for you sending you

Tension broke when I told him his shorts I had ordered had come. He thought I had ordered normal black ones, no, they are Hawaiian, yellow, bright with palm trees on! He told me that he gets to choose my nursing home!

I try to use humour most of the time. I'm not sleeping well, keep getting upset over my dad and generally feel rubbish just yet. I was wanting to talk things over with him as I have no one else but he has had enough of it all really. His friend's dad is currently going through chemo and might not make it, our other friend is terminal so it is probably quite frightening for him at present. Plus he doesn't like to see me upset and can't fix it.

I'm up due to feeling like I've got something crawling on me, itching, tingling sensations, jerking and shaking episode. All stress related I think, well, grief. I've not asked him to get up to be with me as he has work to be in for his A levels so he needs his sleep. I'll go back to bed (tried once) when this feeling calms down.

Thank you to you all for your wonderful comments, some made me laugh. I'm just on the "what if's. . . why didn't I do. . . I regret not doing. . . If I'd only done . . ." about my dad, but it's not going to change anything but it's still in my head.

rubylady I think you are a very brave, lovely, funny lady stop beating yourself up, you are having a very rough time we all have things that we would do differently if we could do it again but we don't get to rehearse life we just do the best we can.

for you. Hope you managed to get some more rest. Does sound like a very worrying and upsetting time all round. You made me laugh with the colourful boxers nursing home joke you both had.

Sorry not boxers, shorts!

Hang in there ruby, you are doing really well despite everything!

Best to you, Ruby! My thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

Thank you to you all for your lovely comments. I will take that Mildred, thank you, I like the funny bit, I've always liked to make people laugh if I can.

I don't know if anyone else watched Piers Morgan last night about Women who Kill but he was with this young woman who had had a hand in murdering her mother and two brothers. Her dad got shot also but survived, thankfully. He, because of his faith, has forgiven his daughter and the others involved. But best of all, he said he has forgiven himself as he blamed himself for not being able to protect his family. Listening to him helped me to put into perspective that I can do nothing about things now, and I did all I could at the time anyway so I am learning to forgive myself too. I didn't see my dad from Christmas to March so that is what gripes me but he didn't want to know, wouldn't answer my calls etc so I couldn't do anything if he didn't want me to, could I? I did phone the carers to make sure he was ok as well during this time.

Anyway, there are others on here who are coping with more difficult situations than I am and so I will endeavour to support them and get my head in order. Take care everyone, you are all very precious. X

I have cracked it though with the tidying up of my son's room! We have invited his friends over tomorrow for a Eurovision party and they are staying over so he has to clean his room now! Yes, result. Be nice really, they're good kids, and I've had my feet up all week having a bad week so some company and a laugh will be lovely.

The other thing that works wonders, rubylady, is the acquistion of a girl friend. I knew my DS was serious about his new girl friend the day he told me he had been out and bought a hoover for his house. He had lived in it quite happily for 18 months without one.

They are a breed all of their own, aren't they, some young men. The friends he invited include a girl he had been out with and would like to again but she keeps saying no. Regardless, he persists every now and then in asking her back out. Poor chap, he really should get the message.