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It happened again

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suzy Fri 13-May-16 14:39:25

Some of you may remember me posting 2 years ago! 3 years ago my daughters relationship ended after a violent episode. Her partner left her with my 2 grandsons, 1 yr, and 4 yrs old. She was left to pay the mortgage, and had just started work again. Since then her ex has just disappeared, with no contact at all. Hard to explain to a 4 year old where his daddy has gone.I have been her only means of support, emotionally and looking after the children when she works, doing lots of things with them, and just being there for them. before this happened i had been with my partner for 6 years, not living together, but spending weekends in each others houses. he was very put out that i was spending time with my daughter, and said she was selfish, should step back, even not liking it when she rang and asked me to come round as my grandson was ill. i was at his house at the time. it came to crunch when i invited my daughter over one saturday, without as he put it in a letter not consulting him. we split up but went back after a time. 2 years later he finished with me again by TEXT, because i had booked a sunday , to take the kids to see Santa without discussing it with him. that was a few months ago now but i do feel guilty that he was pushed to the side , and i do understand how he feels. i know in my heart i have to put my grandchildren first. He did have lots of family time with us and was called grandad! they have no other so it hurts that yet again another person in thier life has left. My daughter thinks a lot of him but blames herself. of course i have never told her how he felt. I have made a decision not to go back this time but it still hurts.

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Wendysue Fri 27-May-16 19:30:58

So sorry about this, Suzy. I know it's not the way you wanted things to be.

I'm not sure your X was totally in the wrong though. Maybe he just felt you should have consulted him about the dates and such since weekends seemed to be your main time with him. Yunno, just ask him, "Would you mind if I did this with my GC on that date or would the other date be better?" or "Is there anything you were thinking we could do on this date? If not, then I'm doing this with DD and my grands. Want to come along?" If there was only one available date to do something like take the kids to see Santa, maybe you could at least have said, "This is the only day I can take them, but let's you and I do something special the next Sunday, just the two of us."

But I get the feeling you didn't want to. Probably didn't want to take the chance he'd say, "Please do it 2 weeks from now" or "Let's all do this instead" or "Let their mom take them to see Santa, that's HER job!" You say you feel bad about the kids having another man walk out of their lives, but clearly, not enough to have tried to compromise with him.

But maybe that's ok. Cuz if this man really meant something to you, I think you would have found a way to meet him in the middle. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think he did. It may have been nice to have a sort of partner for a while. But at this point in your life, he's just, yunno, a "headache" and you don't need him, IMO.

And breaking up with you by text? IMO, that's inexcusable! I wouldn't take him back on that basis alone!

Ultimately, I don't think the two of you are suited. I'm sorry that the kids have "lost" their "granddad" but, overall, it's probably best for everyone that he's out of the picture.

And I agree with the poster who said to be careful from now on, who you let be established as "Granddad."

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suzy Wed 01-Jun-16 23:14:27

Wise words Wendy sue! Thankyou

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