Awkward situation

I think it would have been better (and not "taking sides") if daughter had told dad that he was welcome to bring his girlfriend another time.

I wonder if your husband has known his 'friend' for some time, not just in the last 2 months?
Regardless, etiquette means being at ease with a situation and as it's at your daughters home, and it's only been recently that you've split, you still haven't really had the mental space to clarify your emotions. (Find out how you really feel).
I'd ask your daughter how she feels and if she's not entirely happy about it, maybe you could suggest that the friend doesn't attend on this occasion.

Your decision was mutual, and the actual split two months ago - but presumably there had been an emotional parting of the ways over quite some time. (?)

I can understand your shock, but I don't think you can now decide how things develop with your husband, nor your daughter and her relationship with her father and his friends.

Difficult, yes, but go along just as you are, enjoy your grandchild, and view this as part of the next stage of your life.

Good luck.

I don't think I would go, way too awkward. I go along with the thought that maybe this lady friend may have been seeing the ex before the split. Maybe behind your back . I'd need to know a bit more about her.

I think your DD should not have agreed to this meeting. If you go and accept the woman's attendance then you are giving out the message that you are fine with the fact that he has moved on so speedily. Like others I think this has probably been going on before your split. Two months is a very short time to get that cosy with someone and flaunt them in front of the family.
Tell your DD that you are not happy with the situation otherwise you will have to suffer this on a regular basis.

I agree with bags on this one. I think it's rude of your husband to invite his friend under the circumstances and in her shoes there is no way I would want to accompany him to a family lunch so soon after a split.
Having said that it seems that your choice now is to go or not - and it's a real choice. If you feel you can't face it yet then call your daughter and tell her so honestly. If you decide that you will go then I suggest you find a cousin or friend (male or female) or some such, who will provide a further distraction by their presence. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Can you borrow a good looking bloke to go with you?

I also think it was rude of your husband to suggest this and think it could be quite awkward. I get on very well with my first husband's second wife. When it comes graduations, weddings etc. it is better if everyone can be sociable.

This lunch is too soon and presumably in a fairly confined space so there is 'no getting away'. I think that you should say to him that you wish him well but have no wish to meet his new lady friend at such an early stage.

I think you'll find that a lot of men 'move on' very quickly when they find themselves suddenly single after many years of being a couple.

I dont think it automatically signifies that anything was going on beforehand but could be that he's just keen to have some company.

Yes, it will be rather strange initially but I really think you should grit your teeth and just go and be lovely to everyone. It's going to happen at some point and I think it's like pulling a plaster off. Painful to start, but wears off very quickly.

I also suspect that she might back out of the arrangement when she realises that you will be there. He might have asked his daughter if he could bring his lady friend but he probably hadn't even invited her at that point.

Chin up. He'll probably be envious of how independent you are!

Is this woman really his girlfriend who he wants to introduce to his daughter after 2 months or is he bringing her along in order to put on a pretence of having moved on?
Dress yourself up and put on your best smile. I am sure the other woman is going to be very uncomfortable. Please let us know how you get on.

Sorry to hear your relationship has come to an end after so long. It's pretty common for both men and women to rush straight into a new relationship after the end of a marriage/partnership. I've been widowed for eight years and I'm happily single. I have no intention of looking for another man but I think many people feel judged if they don't have a partner.

It is the husband who has made the blunder. If he wanted to introduce your daughter and family to his new lady friend he should have arranged a meeting at his home or a public place, not at a family lunch where you would naturally be.

I think you should go, why allow him and his girlfriend stop you going to your daughter and her family for Sunday lunch. It maybe difficult but for me it would also be difficult staying home thinking about them sitting at your daughters table where you would like and had been invited to be.

Yes dress nicely but don't make it look as if you are putting on a show.Try and behave as naturally as you can. I suggest you ask your daughter to check with her father that the lady knows you are going to be there. If she then thinks it is ok to attend then what does she expect. Do not let them push you out of your family.

But it is not going to be easy

Eight weeks is too soon for someone with a long marriage to introduce his girlfriend to his family and I would be surprised if girlfriend knew you were going. I'm also surprised that your daughter would think you'd be okay with it. I wouldn't go and tell the truth ,that it is too soon to feel comfortable to see your husband ,and that's who he still is with someone else.

I would find the whole thing just too embarrassing and uncomfortable so soon after the split . I would imagine it would also be difficult for your daughter and family . It would be preferable for me if I could meet the new lady just briefly the first time and the thought of eating a meal in such close proximity would be too much . I am sure your Daughter will understand if you back out if she is not willing to have a word with her Dad about the inappropriateness of being thrown together like this so soon .

Its too awkward and too soon. I expect your poor daughter was put on the spot and couldn't say no. I definitely wouldn't go. I would hope however, that when you call your DD to say that you'd be too uncomfortable to attend, that she would contact your ex and suggest that this isn't the time to introduce his new bird. Good luck whatever you do and let us know how you get on. Also good luck with this whole new part of your life.

I think your estranged husband has put you in the most awful position. Firstly, in respect of your daughter, I'm sure she invited you both for lunch thinking it would be an ideal opportunity for the two of you to meet on neutral territory and now it has backfired quite spectacularly on her. I must say, I think her dad should be ashamed of himself for putting her in this position. Secondly, I do think, after such a long relationship, you would feel awful if you saw him with someone else years after your split but, obviously, you will find it almost impossible to get your head round the situation so soon. As many others have said, I would try my best to attend. Could you perhaps tell your daughter you have to pop somewhere else before and you will therefore be arriving just before lunch is served. Smile even though I'm sure your heart will be breaking. Exchange pleasantries with your ex and, acknowledge his friend, but aim any conversation to your daughter, her husband and your darling grandchild. Soon after the meal has finished I would make my excuses and leave. There's no getting round the fact it will be absolute hell but if you can cut the time you will be in their company down to the minimum you might be able to pull it off. Oh, and don't forget, his friend is likely to spend most of her time directing her attention to your grandchild thinking she's sticking to middle ground. Remember you're grandma and you don't need to complete. Many hugs to you and please update us

Have read all of the comments, and am surprised that nobody has suggested that he might be bringing his lady friend along to make you jealous (which seems to be working) Men are funny creatures as we all know, and despite the mutual agreement to split up, he may be feeling a little hurt at not being needed anymore, causing an attack of 'one-upmanship'to ensue.....hence the appearance of the mysterious lady friend (which is probably all she really is) This being the case,(and the whole thing being in very poor taste on his part)put on your glad rags and your prettiest lippy and show up! Enjoy the company of your lovely daughter and family as you would normaly......but lay off the wine...just in case

My ex and I had an "amicable" split but I would not have attended a lunch under these circumstances. He has put your daughter in an awful position and the new women as well as you. I should just say to your daughter that it would be better if she was able to get to know this lady without you there and plan another day to visit. The relationship is now between you and your daughter not you and him; he only comes into the equation in relationship to her.

You will have to see him at special family occasions but you both need some ground rules so you can move on and putting up with being made to feel uncomfortable is a no no.

I have seen similar situations any number of times. In every single case, the man made having a new woman in his life a central and immediate issue, in order to demonstrate to his ex that he was still desirable, sexy, interesting etc. and make her aware of what she had lost/thrown away when they parted company. In my opinion, such behaviour, while still loutish, is understandable in an adolescent who has just busted up with his first great love. In the case of an adult, it is simply pathetic.

Of course, this may not be the case with your ex, especially as you say your parting was a mutual decision. Of course, that can still result in emotional turmoil, feelings of rejection, fears about growing old, resentment, desire for revenge and all sorts of other nasty and destructive emotions.

Looking great and being charming to the new woman is often and effective response.

I wouldn't go, not until you feel entirely comfortable with the new situation you are in. I think your husband was out of order inviting this lady, it's to show you how well he's done and moved on.
He should only have taken this new lady if your daughter had asked him to. If I was your daughter I would tell him that it is too early to meet his new friend, the invitation was for her mom and dad. It is important that you all remain friends, but too soon for other partners.

My reaction is 'find a gorgeous hunk that will accompany you', but more seriously, I would be unable to go. I think your ex-husband, if he has any sensitivity at all, since you parted on good terms, should have called you, and seen if you were up to meeting this person, rather than springing her on you.

I suppose it depends on the kind of person you are. If the split was truly amicable and mutual I can't see the problem as this was going to happen sooner or later.
I suspect you are not happy with the fact that it is 'sooner' and he has a new person in his life.
As absent so sensibly put it 'looking great and being charming to the new person' is the way you ought to go....if you can't do that then don't go. But I'm sure you can carry it off.

Many years ago when I was a slip of a girl ,I met someone who, on our second date, suggested we go to dinner with his soon to be ex wife and her boyfriend - who just happened to be his best friend.
He told me it would all be very civilised, but I just thought it was wierd and declined.

The issue seems to boil down to brave it out with charm on the one hand and don't go if you don't fancy the discomfort. I think that if you had had more time to adjust to your new single life, you'd be fine with your husband 'moving on', it's just that two months is not very long. It's just a time thing and I think it's in nonway to your discredit that you don't fancy this gathering just at the moment.

Good luck and do let us know what you decide and how you get on.

I really do not think you should be putting pressure on primewarp to go. I wonder how many of you who have come up with the fairy tale idea of dressing well, etc., have ever been through a divorce, even an "amicable" one? I would not and I repeat not have done this. My ex often (still) behaves inappropriately which gives my (and his of course) children a very hard time. This is inappropriate and will not only be easier for the OP if she doesn't go but also easier for her daughter. As I say we are not writing the script for a story.