Awkward situation

Go along and give it your best shot. Pin that smile on your face and it will work out all right.

Crumbs, what a shock. I agree with Anya. It was probably bound to happen eventually so you'd have to cope at some stage. I wonder if the 'friend' is fully in the picture? Let us know how it goes.

Can understand your ex not realising how difficult the situation will be but would assume that his new partner would back out of it. Your DD will be obliged to pay more attention to the girlfriend [out of courtesy]. It's a time when it's important for her to see that her mum and dad are still her mum and dad and are good friends. What an awkward situation for everyone.

I think your husband should have asked your daughter whether she thought it was a good idea to invite a lady friend, not just tell her he'd done so.

There's a time and a place for the introduction of new partners to the family, and this is not one of them!

Well, if it were me, I would not want to go.It's much too soon to be at the dinner table with ex husband's girlfriend.It's not a wedding, just a family lunch, which you could attend another time, your DD will understand ( or jolly well should do.)

not a wedding, I Meant to say.

Dress up to the nines, get your hair done and even have your make up done professionally. Smile, smile and smile - even if it kills you. He could be doing this to make you jealous, show him you don't care and it will backfire on him. Alternatively, your daughter could tell him it is a family occasion and his girlfriend is not invited.

I am in the middle of trying to negotiate a split from a husband of 35+ years for the same reasons as yours, so I was very interested in your post. It seems to me that you and your husband have managed the greatest hurdle which was a split with minimal bad feeling. I am assuming this is the case given that your daughter had asked you both to lunch. If it were me I hope that I would have done as you did and managed to sound breezy about the husband bringing a woman friend but I too might well be struggling to process my own feelings about his moving on so quickly. However, if you really have no regrets about the split, Sunday presents an ideal opportunity for you to show him you have moved on and also access to the fascinating prospect of observing him engage with his new lady friend. You could always come down with a migraine on Sunday morning if it feels too much. Good luck.

I think you should go,to support your daughter if nothing else.
Will there be others there? ie her partner, children etc.

Thank you. Your comments mean a lot.

Her husband and our baby DGC will be there so there will be some distraction.

The thing is, I definitely don't mind seeing him again. But I really don't think I'm ready to see him with someone else. I could try but I think it might break me, even though I am satisfied that we've made the right choice in separating.
It will feel so odd. I might call my daughter and explain. But I also don't want to start off already being the 'difficult' person who 'can't handle' the split. I don't want them thinking they have to either invite one or the other of us. I just never expected there to be another partner. At least not so soon.

If the girlfriend of your nearly ex-DH was not individually invited, why is she "coming along"? What a rude way to behave!

If your daughter invited the woman, why should she (your daughter) feel uncomfortable about it?

It sounds like a very odd situation—not that he is bringing someone but that your daughter is having this person imposed on her as a dinner guest whom she didn't invite.

IF that's what has happened of course.

Sounds as if ex feels he has something to prove.

But I really don't get why your daughter couldn't have said no about the new woman.

Sorry but I think its very inappropriate for him to bring a lady friend to a family lunch so soon after a split. What is he thinking? Of course its bound to be uncomfortable for you, your daughter and unless she has a very thick skin his lady friend too.
Only opinion but if it were me I'd have to up front and say I'm sorry but its too soon and I don't feel comfortable with it and wish them a nice lunch. Make arrangements with your daughter for another day.

This time anyhow. Not forever, obviously.

Thanks thatbags. I think my husband called my daughter and said would she mind if he brought a friend along. Our lunches have always been very casual - we take turns hosting - and occasionally there'll be an extra friend or couple. This is someone I don't know though.

Go with sun seeker's advice and sock it to 'em. Think it may be harder next time if you back out.

Why didn't she say she would mind? Or at least say she'd check with how you felt about it?

'Spose it could always be a dastardly plot against you

2 months.......hmmm.

I am not sure if I could do it but if you do go, do as sunseeker suggests. I also wonder if she is aware of the full picture?

I am well aware if you turn down this invitation it will be twice as difficult the next time. Good luck.

Go for it. Put on your best face, your best dress and smile (although it may be killing you). I do think it is wrong of him, very insensitive, but don't let them see it hurts. I don't suppose you have a handsome young man somewhere you could take with you!!

From personal experience I think your daughter was hoping that you both may realise that you have missed each other and was giving you both a last chance to get back together.

Probably her Dad throwing another woman into the equation completely threw her and she doesn't want to take sides so didn't know how to say 'no'.

My advice for what it's worth, don't go, make any excuse and although it could be worse the next time you do have to meet your ex, at least you have saved your daughter and family from an excruciatingly embarrassing meal at the moment, when everyone is getting used to the new status quo.

Quite, lucky!

I think this has the makings of a truly uncomfortable situation. It makes far more sense for you, your husband your daughter and her family, to use this occasion to come to terms with the change in the dynamics. To throw a complete stranger in the mix at this early stage, could be disastrous. None of you know this woman, presumably not even your husband very well. I feel it's her that should be backing out, not you. It's your family after all.

Is it possible that your husband has known this female for a few months because he has been seeing her while still married to you? I still think that he has a brass neck bringing her to that meal when officially you have only been apart for 2 months. Does he not care about your feelings?