Is a 29 year age gap acceptable?

I would find it very difficult to believe that this could work in the long-term. But, at 21, maybe we should not interfere. The 21 year old will hopefully work out for his/herself that this big age gap is a problem. On the other hand, maybe it is true love and will last for many years. Time will tell.

The age gap is ok while your young, but when you get to 60/70 & the other partner is so much younger, one wants to slow down, nature tells us this & the other doesn't that's when things go wrong, seen it a couple of times with people I know, BUT at the end of the day the choice is yours, it's your lives & no-one else can tell you how to live it, my hubby was 69 when I lost him (I was 67) so best to make the moost of what you have

My first serious boyfriend was born in 1922 and I was 1948 - we were at college together; everything appeared to be against us (he had existing girlfriend, he was black and my parents tried to stop us seeing each other - I felt hypocritically, since dad was 18 years older than mum!). We loved one another dearly for the rest of his life and I have no regrets. My FIL has also been married for 33 years to a lovely lady who is younger than me. Some relationships are meant to be and two people with no age gap can be disastrous together, while others are perfectly matched. DH is 9 years younger than me, we've been blissfully happy for 33 years and I've been blessed with two real soulmates in my life. You can't judge, but if things do go wrong, be there and say good luck to them.

I find the word 'acceptable' worrying, acceptable to who?
We don't own our children, its our responsibility to raise them in the best way we can and then let them be free to make their own decisions.
I always respected my very strong minded mum who certainly didn't always approve of the choices I made but supported me once I'd made them. I made some bad mistakes but learned valuable lessons along the way and I think I'm a better person as a result.
She never once said "I told you so."

Remember the Victorians whose perfect age for a husband was "2x age-7"!
It is between two consenting adults. But having said that, I would stand by to pick up pieces.
I hope they are very happy together.

My friend, when she was 24, married a man of 50, she always said she wanted a man who was already "set-up", eg: had his own home/car/business and plenty of cash in his wallet, what she didn't bargain on was having to take on his kids from his previous marriage, she had nothing in common with this man at all, it's a shame, as now they have three young children, she's pregnant with her fourth, and the two children from his previous relationship are now estranged from him. She's miserable as she now feels that her husband is "too old" to cope with all the kids, his health is not good, so now I think she's regretting her rash decision to marry her "sugar Daddy".

I don't want to upset / offend anyone and this is my own personal viewpoint (which I will admit is marred due to working with sex offenders in prison for nine years ) but as the legal age of consent is 16 and your loved one is only 5 years past that it's a very small possibility that this person has a perchance for as young as is legal (borderline) as not to be acting against the law. I would be even more worried if they are petite in statute and maybe a tad immature for a 21 year-old. Also if they have not yet found their way in the world and are strong and independent they could be controlled by this person. I have seen this sort of thing happen before. I could be barking up the wrong tree but if it was my loved one I would watch this relationship carefully before giving my blessing. Also have caution with your opinions as it may push them straight into the arms of this person which of course is completely what they would want.

It sounds sexist I know, but a woman of fifty and a man of twenty one is a bit strange.
A lot of twenty one year old men are still boys at heart, so that would worry me.
You say it doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship, and naturally you're worried, I would be too, but there's nothing you can do.
You just have to leave him to get on with it, and be ready to pick up the pieces if and when he 'comes to his senses'

I have a friend whose partner is 17 years younger than her. They have been together for over 30 years, he was 25 and she early 4o's, widowed with 2 teenage children when they met. His mother and close family were always friendly to her and It has lasted up to now but there have been difficulties over the recent years. They never had any children of course and I do not know if that was a problem for her partner. they are still together, but I think a 29 year gap is just too great and it's unlikely a relationship with such a gap will survive, especially if the younger partner is male, sexist I know, but probably realistic. Try not to worry because there is nothing you can do apart from be there.

My DH is 21 years older than me and that didn't seem an issue when we were 30 & 51 and busy with work, social life and family. Now we're 61 & 82 and he's reinvented himself as a house husband and I'm the main breadwinner it does feel different. I think it's more about (life) stages than ages, and at times it seems more like a cultural difference than an age difference.
I guess there might be more peer pressure if the age difference is reversed as we do live in a society where younger woman and older man is often/generally perceived as the norm, rather than younger man and older woman.
What they need, like all couples, is family and support when times get tough, as they do for all of us now and again. One of my friends married a man 15 years her junior and the marriage lasted 16 years. Needless to say I was one of a small number of her friends and acquaintances who accepted her marriage without question.
I'm not sure that longevity is the best measure of success in a marriage. Marriages fail for a wide ranger of reasons, and I think it is fair to say that they also succeed for a wide range of reasons. The important thing in any relationship is to keep the lines of communication open and listen more than talk - hopefully this way will lead to maintaining a good relationship with our grown up children whatever happens on their relationships with others.

I think it depends on the age you are when you get together -30 and 59 maybe. 20 and 49 would worry me
My brother married a woman 8 years older Sadly he died recently aged 61 She certainly didnt expect to be a widow at 70

Frankly it's not too much of anybody else's business. However I shocked quite a few people by marrying a lady 39 years younger than me. That was 8 years ago and we have a lovely 7 year old daughter who I spend a great deal of time with. She's doing very well in school BTW. We live in France where people don't comment so much on big age differences. We have lots of friends of all age and nationality groups. We can all speak a number of languages. It's nothing new in my family either as my grandfather was born in 1853 and was still having children at 60+. We aim to be different. We aim to be well educated. Practically everybody in the family has had very good careers and made worthwhile contributions to society. We've moved around a lot. Oh and yes at this time it may be worth mentioning that the majority of our ethnicity is far from being pure English. Condemning others about their personal relationships is not a very attractive subject.

acceptable to whom? That would be my first question. I would imagine that to the two people actually involved it would be completely acceptable!

My Dad' s 2nd wife who he married after my Mum left was 29 years you get than him & only 5 years older than me. Although I had issues with it I have to say it was the happiest marriage imaginable & they were inseparable until he died many years later.
She is having a long widowhood unfortunately but I know she has no regrets.

I had a relationship with a much older man when I was in my early 20s- he broke it off when it started being serious, DH is 9 years older than me. My uncle was a lot older than my aunt - unfortunately he died a few years ago & my aunt faces a long widowhood.

If she's in her 20s she's an adult so age shouldn't matter

age is just a number if they are happy good luck to them...lifes too short...

It appears harder to accept Pigglywiggly when the man is so much younger. I know that is a sexist thing to say but we are more used to the man being the older one. I think you just have to accept it and not say anything negative and see how things go. It must be disappointing too to think your son won't have children with her. Has she already got children? I guess there is quite a chance it won't last and what is important is that your relationship with your son isn't damaged . Try not to worry. Easier said than done!

DD married a man over 20 years older . They were fine for about 15 years and have two lovely children but eventually he wanted to slow down and DD still wanted an active social life . The gap became too wide and they divorced. The plus side is that when they met he was established with own home etc so DD never had the financial struggles some people have. I was very dubious when they got together but I remain good friends with ex SIL.

There are quite a few couples in my family with a 9 year gap, including my parents, so it's the extra 20 I am struggling with!
It doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship, and DS has kept it a secret until now.

DS's friend has a wife that is younger than his car, granted the car is a classic Lamborghini

so very variable the 8 yr gap between husbamd and self was as nothing when we married Now he is in his 80s and not too strong, has reduced the scope of his activities, prefers to stick to a strict routine, I find it much more difficult as I feel fit and would like to travel more. I am allowed complete freedom but feel it would not be fair to go off on my own He has suggested it but also said he would leave the door unlocked in case he should drop down dead whilst I was away. Not a win/ win situation but is there a solution?

DH has a family member married to a Thai girl 25 years his junior. She is gradually speaking more English but I know he misses having a good conversation with anyone. They are expecting a child in a few months. Seem happy - they have moved to Thailand.

I have a friend whose DH is twenty five years older than she is and they've been married for nearly forty years - I never thought it would last

It depends on the couple I think.
My Godson was with a woman many years his senior. They seemed very happy until she reached 60 then he suddenly decided that he didn't want to be in the relationship any more.
And a friend married a man 34 years older than her. They were seemingly very happy until he had an affair!

I think you just have to be welcoming and happy on their behalf.

I don't think age is necessarily the defining factor in a relationship. If there is mutual respect and mutual decision making along with care, kindness and love all could be well. It's important to still stay close to your child (sorry, not sure if it's a son or daughter you are worried about), if I could manage it I don't think I would offer an opinion unless asked for it and then only very, very carefully with all the tact I could muster. It could also help if you can get to know the partner as a person. I hope the future is good for you all.