Is a 29 year age gap acceptable?

Unhappy would cover it I think. Trouble is the 21year old will do just what they want and not take into account your feelings. Not to say such a big age gap is doomed to failure but the odds are against it on so many levels. All you can do is hope it will run its course and if not put a smile on your face.

Many years ago I knew a girl of 19 who married my friends dad. He was 55, divorced for some years and had 4 grown up children. He wasnt what you would really call a good catch but, do you know, they were so happy together. They had 2 children and spent 15 years together before he died. I do understand that you might feel anxious for your son/daughter but I would just see how it goes.

Oh that's what my cousin did she had a child to him. Eventually after a few years they parted .

Relationships can be so uncertain, whatever the ages of the people involved.
I wouldn't be thrilled if my 21 year old DS or DD was with a 50 year old, but I'd just have to make the best of it.

Is s/he happy?
Then I would be happy for her/him. Our grown up children have the right to lead their own lives and make their own decisions
I might wish for a narrower age gap as I would not want to see my child widowed, for example, but if it is a good relationship you have much to be thankful for.

Not flipping like! Dd3 was with someone who was 23 years older and he was mentally abusive - despite their divorce he still tries to be. The only good thing to come out of it is 2 of our gorgeous grandchildren.

Having said that, I know very well that if we had said something to her, we would have lost her and she would have had no one to turn to when she saw the light.

We have all come out the other side but definitely not unscathed.

I think it's dependent on the couple.

My brother is 50 , his wife of 3 years is 30.

They make a wonderful couple, she is an old soul and he is still the same as when he was 21!

He has a child from a previous marriage, she does not want children. They now work together. They are always at a concert, or travelling. I get tired just looking at their schedule!!

They discussed everything important before marriage and have very similar views. They are clearly in love and despite the age gap you would be hard pushed to find a happier couple whatever age.

My daughter is 35 and her husband is 47. They have been married 8 years and seem very happy.

So I would say ....why not?

I'd say that 21 is probably not old enough to 'know' unless they were very, very mature compared with a 30 year old!

I don't think age is necessarily the defining factor in a relationship. If there is mutual respect and mutual decision making along with care, kindness and love all could be well. It's important to still stay close to your child (sorry, not sure if it's a son or daughter you are worried about), if I could manage it I don't think I would offer an opinion unless asked for it and then only very, very carefully with all the tact I could muster. It could also help if you can get to know the partner as a person. I hope the future is good for you all.

It depends on the couple I think.
My Godson was with a woman many years his senior. They seemed very happy until she reached 60 then he suddenly decided that he didn't want to be in the relationship any more.
And a friend married a man 34 years older than her. They were seemingly very happy until he had an affair!

I think you just have to be welcoming and happy on their behalf.

I have a friend whose DH is twenty five years older than she is and they've been married for nearly forty years - I never thought it would last

DH has a family member married to a Thai girl 25 years his junior. She is gradually speaking more English but I know he misses having a good conversation with anyone. They are expecting a child in a few months. Seem happy - they have moved to Thailand.

so very variable the 8 yr gap between husbamd and self was as nothing when we married Now he is in his 80s and not too strong, has reduced the scope of his activities, prefers to stick to a strict routine, I find it much more difficult as I feel fit and would like to travel more. I am allowed complete freedom but feel it would not be fair to go off on my own He has suggested it but also said he would leave the door unlocked in case he should drop down dead whilst I was away. Not a win/ win situation but is there a solution?

DS's friend has a wife that is younger than his car, granted the car is a classic Lamborghini

There are quite a few couples in my family with a 9 year gap, including my parents, so it's the extra 20 I am struggling with!
It doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship, and DS has kept it a secret until now.

DD married a man over 20 years older . They were fine for about 15 years and have two lovely children but eventually he wanted to slow down and DD still wanted an active social life . The gap became too wide and they divorced. The plus side is that when they met he was established with own home etc so DD never had the financial struggles some people have. I was very dubious when they got together but I remain good friends with ex SIL.

It appears harder to accept Pigglywiggly when the man is so much younger. I know that is a sexist thing to say but we are more used to the man being the older one. I think you just have to accept it and not say anything negative and see how things go. It must be disappointing too to think your son won't have children with her. Has she already got children? I guess there is quite a chance it won't last and what is important is that your relationship with your son isn't damaged . Try not to worry. Easier said than done!

age is just a number if they are happy good luck to them...lifes too short...

I had a relationship with a much older man when I was in my early 20s- he broke it off when it started being serious, DH is 9 years older than me. My uncle was a lot older than my aunt - unfortunately he died a few years ago & my aunt faces a long widowhood.

If she's in her 20s she's an adult so age shouldn't matter

My Dad' s 2nd wife who he married after my Mum left was 29 years you get than him & only 5 years older than me. Although I had issues with it I have to say it was the happiest marriage imaginable & they were inseparable until he died many years later.
She is having a long widowhood unfortunately but I know she has no regrets.

acceptable to whom? That would be my first question. I would imagine that to the two people actually involved it would be completely acceptable!

Frankly it's not too much of anybody else's business. However I shocked quite a few people by marrying a lady 39 years younger than me. That was 8 years ago and we have a lovely 7 year old daughter who I spend a great deal of time with. She's doing very well in school BTW. We live in France where people don't comment so much on big age differences. We have lots of friends of all age and nationality groups. We can all speak a number of languages. It's nothing new in my family either as my grandfather was born in 1853 and was still having children at 60+. We aim to be different. We aim to be well educated. Practically everybody in the family has had very good careers and made worthwhile contributions to society. We've moved around a lot. Oh and yes at this time it may be worth mentioning that the majority of our ethnicity is far from being pure English. Condemning others about their personal relationships is not a very attractive subject.

I think it depends on the age you are when you get together -30 and 59 maybe. 20 and 49 would worry me
My brother married a woman 8 years older Sadly he died recently aged 61 She certainly didnt expect to be a widow at 70

My DH is 21 years older than me and that didn't seem an issue when we were 30 & 51 and busy with work, social life and family. Now we're 61 & 82 and he's reinvented himself as a house husband and I'm the main breadwinner it does feel different. I think it's more about (life) stages than ages, and at times it seems more like a cultural difference than an age difference.
I guess there might be more peer pressure if the age difference is reversed as we do live in a society where younger woman and older man is often/generally perceived as the norm, rather than younger man and older woman.
What they need, like all couples, is family and support when times get tough, as they do for all of us now and again. One of my friends married a man 15 years her junior and the marriage lasted 16 years. Needless to say I was one of a small number of her friends and acquaintances who accepted her marriage without question.
I'm not sure that longevity is the best measure of success in a marriage. Marriages fail for a wide ranger of reasons, and I think it is fair to say that they also succeed for a wide range of reasons. The important thing in any relationship is to keep the lines of communication open and listen more than talk - hopefully this way will lead to maintaining a good relationship with our grown up children whatever happens on their relationships with others.